All My Loving
I'm thinking that not very many people are reading this...maybe I should start advertising? haha.
If you haven't read it, please do and as always I appreciate all of your lovely comments. =)
If you see this and you missed the last entries, you can find them here: 1-4 and 5-7.
And now...
Part 8: If I Fell
As I danced with Paul, I glanced over at John and Anna. Jealously raged from me. I wish I was in John's arms. I was desperate. But the dance with Paul was nice. When it was over, we decided to dance to another song. Still hugging Paul, I got rid of Sinatra and put on a Beatles tune. Just for fun.
John suggested "If I Fell". That was one of my all time favourites from The Beatles. Such a beautiful song.
John left Anna, as she wanted to dance with George this time, approached me and asked me to dance. Paul said it was OK. I almost did not want to let go of Paul because I was so nervous but I agreed to dance with John.
He grabbed my hand and slid his other hand down my back. I put my other hand around his neck. I could honestly have stayed in that position for eternity.
As the song continued, John whispered to me: "You look fabulous tonight. You really do look truly beautiful"
"Thanks...thanks so much John,” I said with a huge smile on my face.
"Thanks for inviting me tonight. I feel much better being around you and everyone. I think I needed to be around friends tonight."
"I'm so happy, John. You know if you ever need me, you know, to talk about stuff, just let me know," I said assuringly.
John smiled. I knew he could trust me. I laid my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to soak in the few moments of the song, and with John, since it was getting late. I wanted to kiss him. I felt like he was going to kiss me. But neither of us made a move. It was the perfect moment, too. Paul was in the kitchen eating more snacks, or something. Pig. Anna and George were over in another corner. Ringo and Mo were in another.
The song ended and we let go of each other...sadly. It just hit midnight, and Mo and Ringo decided to leave first. We all, including Paul, as he came back from the kitchen, said bye to them and I led them to the door.
"I had a blast tonight, Jaymie, thanks luv", Ringo said. "Thanks, Paul."
"Yes, thank you so much again, great night", Mo continued. "Bye!"
"You’re very welcome, guys, I hope we will see each other again soon", I replied.
I felt like I had taken a drug; I was completely in another world. The dance from John left me in a state of both confusion, disgust, as I had the feeling of wanting to kiss my husband's best friend, and lust.
Paul, John, Anna and George decided to sit on the couch and watch some late-night television. I went to the bathroom to clear my head. As I splashed the cool water on my face, I glanced at the mirror in front of me and I felt such guilt, even more than before the dance.
I felt and heard steps coming from behind the bathroom door. I decided to check who it was by opening the door. It was John. He stood there with a hunger in his eyes.
"We are finally alone", said John. He pushed me in the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
"Yeah, yeah we are...John what are you doing here!?" I screamed quietly.
"I could tell the entire time you wanted me. I want you, too. Come here, lemme kiss ya."
John kept on following my mouth as I moved my head away from him. He finally got one small kiss out of me.
"Stop it John! Seriously, cut it out!" I lightly slapped him on the cheek. I kissed him a bit more.
"Seriously! I cannot do this. It is not right."
We paused for a few seconds. I stood in despair.
"I know you love me, it is so obvious, Jaymie", John laughed.
"Fine, you know what I do. I do. You know I have since the day I fucking met you, OK?! I remember what you wore, how you looked, everything. What you said to me. I knew we could have been together forever, if no one else came in the picture. John, you have no right to come up here", I yelled. "I have to go back down."
"I do not get you girls. You know, at one moment you want me, and at another, you push me away", John replied, in a confused manner.
"John, I love you, really I do, honestly. I'm not really over you. But I am trying to move on. It's so damn hard, John! I keep thinking of us together constantly, but I love Paul too. You know, he's my life now. I did not want to wait until you and Cyn broke up. It's too late. I waited years, and I needed to stop thinking of you! It was enough."
"You keep coming here, trying to get with me, when knowing that I'm with Paul and that I am clearly trying to move on from you," I said.
"You invited me tonight, didn’t you?" John said.
"Yes, but only because I felt bad! I wanted you to be near the people who love and care about you, John. Stop trying to make moves on me; it's difficult enough to be around you, in the same room. Do not make it any harder on me, please.
"Fine, if you really want me gone, watch me," John said with a deep anger in his voice.
John left the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him. My eyes filled with tears.
"What's the matter John?" George said, as John walked towards the front door.
"I gotta go. See ya sometime," John said. "Bye Paul. Bye Anna." John rushed out the door, like a bat out of hell. He shook the whole room with the slam of the door.
"John, wait!” I yelled.
"What's the matter, luv?" Paul said. He ran to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead.
"Nothing, nothing, Paul we just had an argument. I said something I did not mean", I said, still pouring tears.
"It's going to be OK, Jaymie. I just don't think John is in the best shape right now."
"We better get going, I guess", George said. "Thanks for the wonderful evening, Jaymie and Paul."
Anna looked worried. "You know I think I will go after him", Anna said.
"Maybe you should leave him", Paul replied. "John is very sensitive right now."
"No I better, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him", Anna said, as she reassured Paul going to talk to John was a good idea. "George I will meet you at home, alright?"
"OK, hun, be careful," George said. He kissed her goodbye, and left the flat. "Bye guys, see ya."
"Thanks again, Jaymie and Paul. It was so fun. We should do this again soon," Anna said. "Bye". She waved to Paul and me.
"Thank you", Paul and I said, simultaneously.
I was honestly very worried of what Anna may do. Will she find out that I am not really over John?
"I'm so sorry about tonight, Paul", I said.
"No worries, luv", Paul said. He gave me a kiss. "It was no one's fault. Come, let's clean up."
We walked hand-in-hand to the kitchen to clean the dishes.
I watched from the window as Anna left the flat and went to find John. She found him in the pouring rain, outside the building, smoking a cigarette, trying to look calm and collected. He was clearly in disarray.
Part 9: You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away
After Rings and Mo had left, we settled in to watch some telly. The rain was really driving outside and we figured it was better to wait it out then chance going home. Jaymie left the room, making some excuse at the time, not that I really remember. I was pretty worked up over John. He admitted his feelings for me but then he leaves me to dance with Jaymie! Okay, so I was jealous. She wasn’t the one who loved him, who might…well, she didn’t deserve him at any rate. Unless, did she still love him? Did she love him like I did? All these thoughts mulled in my brain as I sat on the sofa. George put his arm around me and I leaned over a bit, trying to forget it all.
John got up and left, but I’m not sure anyone else noticed. Paul may have, or at least I’d have expected him to, but he didn’t publicly acknowledge it. I wondered if John thought I was ‘toying with his affections.’ Probably, and now he’d gone off to find Jaymie. Great.
Suddenly he stomped back into the front room. George asked what was wrong and he waved it off, saying he had to go. He said goodbye to Paul and to me. I couldn’t help but think he made an extra emphasis on me, but it may have been my imagination. He slammed the door with an angry forcefulness and Jaymie rushed out from her hiding place, tears flying. Paul ran to comfort her and George looked at me as if to say, “We should get out of here.”
We said our goodbyes, but I was worried about John. I made a split-second decision to go after him.
“George, I think I’d better see about John. No one needs to be out in this weather,” I said. Paul tried to argue with me, I guess he figured he knew him better. And maybe he does but I wasn’t about to be ordered around. “I’ll meet you at home, alright?” I looked at George.
“Alright, be careful. Love you,” he said, giving me a kiss. He turned and left. Once again, I had a feeling that he should stand up for me. I have no right to go chasing after men in the dead of night and in the rain. Trusting to a fault, I suppose you’d call it. I said goodbye to Jaymie and Paul once again and waved as I left.
The rain had slowed but it still poured. I wished I had an umbrella or at least a better coat but I pressed on. I stopped at the corner of the building and looked down the alley. I saw him, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette, trying to act normal but I knew he was obviously upset.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I was worried. I didn’t want you wandering around in the rain. You could catch your death,” I replied, walking up to him.
“Why would it matter? I’ve nothing to live for really. All you girls do is pull me close so you can push me away. That’s all you’ve ever done. I guess I could live for my art but, you know, it always sells better once the artist is dead. I mean look at da Vinci or some of those other dead chaps. Their stuff goes for millions.” He stopped, blowing smoke rings into the air.
“John, it would matter to me. I don’t want to lose you, I mean that. You can’t leave me now,” I said. He looked at me, turning his head slightly to one side as he always did when he discovered something.
“So, it’s like that is it? When did you find out?” He asked, throwing his cigarette to the ground.
“I haven’t yet, but I’m pretty sure. I haven’t told anyone. I’m…afraid,” as much as I hated to, I broke down into tears.
“Why should you be? You’re in a loving home and I’m sure George’ll do great with kids,” he said, taking me in his arms, trying to comfort me.
“But…I mean, what if…John, it could be yours,” I admitted.
“Well, who’s to know? You; me; that’s it. No one has to know. I’ll just be nice old Uncle Johnny. It’ll be alright, love. Don’t cry.”
I lifted my head from his shoulder, and I half laughed. “With our luck, he’ll come out punching and swearing. And he’d have your nose. How would we explain that?”
“What’s wrong with my nose?” He touched it, as if he wasn’t aware.
“Nothing, it’s a lovely nose. In fact, it’s one of my most favourite things about you. If you had any other nose, I don’t think I’d love you half as much,” I said. I was about to cry again, trying not to kiss him.
He smiled, “I don’t think that kid could be anything but good natured, being yours. She’d also be beautiful.” He held me closer and as much as my mind told me to fight it, I couldn’t. We kissed.
“John, I…I had better be going. I don’t want George to worry about me,” I said when we finally parted.
“I guess it is getting late. At least the rain’s stopped.”
I looked back out from the covered alleyway and laughed. “I hadn’t even noticed.”
“Where are you going to go?” I asked, wondering if he actually had a place to stay.
“I don’t know. I’ll be alright. When are you going to well…you know…” he asked somewhat embarrassed.
“To the doctor?” I finished, “Next week. I guess I’ll know then.” I paused.
“John, are you sure you’ll be alright? I mean, you can stay with us or something. Or why don’t you just stay here with Jaymie and Paul? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
“No, I don’t want to intrude. And I don’t know if I can go back in there after storming out like that.”
“Well, be careful alright? And you know where to find me, if you need me.” I left, somewhat longing to look back but I didn’t. Thankfully, I didn’t have too far to walk from Jaymie and Paul’s, but it was enough time to think through some things. More than anything I wondered if I really was going to have John’s baby and how that would affect the rest of my life. But I also hoped that if I was pregnant, it was George’s and that I could try to forget my relationship with John.
George surprised me at the door with a kiss. “I missed you.”
“Was I gone all that long,” I asked, taking off my coat.
“No, but it seemed like forever. Did you have any luck?”
“I caught up with him and he said he was going for a walk to clear his mind,” I half-lied.
“Oh, well I guess he needs some alone time after being around all of us,” George said. He took my hand. Although I was filled with worries, somehow they all seemed to go away as we kissed again.
Part 10: Oh My Love
Paul and I walked hand-in-hand; I felt a re-connection to Paul. We looked into each other's eyes, and knew this moment was perfect. Ever since this drama took place with the dinner party, I totally felt blinded by my love for Paul. We looked at some photos of us on our around the flat, on the way to the kitchen, and just remembered the special relationship we have together. We are so different yet completely the same. When I am with him it just feels right. We click- I get him, he gets me. But John seems even more right, if that's possible.
As I was cleaning the kitchen with Paul, I took a glimpse out of the window purely by accident. I saw John and Anna standing in the rain. I thought John had gone far but he was just outside...smoking a cigarette. Did he mean to be there for me to see him? Should I invite him in?
"What you are thinking of, Jaymie?” Paul said in a sweet tone.
He should have said "who".
"Nothing, hun, just looking. I'm pretty upset about before still. I hope he forgives me...soon," I replied.
"He will eventually...give him some time, eh? He'll come around."
I took another look outside the window. Anna had just left John there.
"Paul, should we invite John in?"
"I dunno, you just fought, like, ten minutes ago. Maybe give it a rest, eh?" Paul laughed.
"I know...but I want to make it up with him. I feel terrible. I know he does, too."
"OK, I guess. We have that spare room. May as well give it a purpose. I'll set it up...you go get John."
"Ok, thanks, sweetie", I said, as I kissed him gently on his round, plump cheek.
I grabbed a coat, and headed down the stairs, outside.
"John, hey!" I said, trying to be cheery.
"Hello, Jaymie. What are you doing here?" John said, still angry about before.
"Do you have anywhere to go tonight?"
"No, no, I do not. Just leave me. Here will be fine for tonight, outside on the sidewalk with scum because that's what I am." John slid down the wall and sat on the ground. I sat beside him.
"Stop moping about John, you are not. Come on, Paul and I are going to put together a room for you upstairs. Won't you come? Come please, come on, we have to make up. I'm still very sorry about...earlier"
"I am too. I shouldn’t have followed ya. I just feel...so...I dunno, not wanted, and I guess I just needed someone to belong to for a while, you know"
"Like I said John, you are always going to have me around...whenever and wherever. Please come, eh? I promise to keep my mouth shut...for now," I laughed.
"Yeah you never can. Well, alright. I really do not wanna get sick, I guess."
John and I stood up, walked together in the front door of the building, up the stairs. It was silent at the time, but nice to have known we’re talking now. And he is staying at my flat.
"Hey, guess who is back?" I said.
"Hey Jay and John", Paul said, as he came to the front door.
"Sorry about before Paul. Thanks for letting me stay here."
"No problem, John. I set up sheets, a pillow, PJs and comforter for you."
"Great, I'll put my stuff away."
"Thanks, Paul", I said. I kissed him again to let him know I was truly thankful.
"You're welcome, luv. Well the kitchen is all clear. Everything is washed. Time for bed? I'm wiped."
"Me too. I'll meet ya there."
"OK", Paul replied, giving me another kiss and a hug.
I decided to poke around in John's room...you know just to see what he was up to and if he needed anything. Like...me.
"Everything OK in here John?"
"Yeah, yeah. Good thanks. Uh, could I borrow a toothbrush, by any chance?" John said.
"Yeah, I got one here actually in the bathroom."
"Thanks."
"Well, I'm off to bed now. Goodnight."
"No, now? Come, sit with me. Talk with me. We need some catching up to do." John grinned with a silly little smile.
"John, do not start, eh? Come on Paul is right beside us."
"I just want to talk. Please, nothing will happen, I promise. I just feel we have never had any...alone time between you and I for so long. Not like the good ol' days when I used to come up to your school and hang around in your room. Just talking all night long. Sing me a lullaby?" John laughed. I laughed back.
John climbed into his bed and I sat next to him like his mother. I sang a short little tune that our mums used to sing to us when we were little. We had a small giggle. It was so fun being around him again. Laughing and being silly.
"I best be going. We should, you know, just hang out all night, maybe when Paul's not here, some other time? I'd really love it." I smiled, hoping he'd want the same.
"Yeah, go on off to sleep. You look dead tired. Goodbye and goodnight, my beautiful princess." He smiled and blew me a kiss.
"Goodnight, Prince Charming." We used to call each other princess and prince a long time ago, as an in-joke. I blew him a kiss back.
I shut the door. I was so happy to have him back in my life. And in my flat, especially. I walked into my bedroom, where I found Paul in bed, ready for sleep. I smiled back at him, got my PJs and undressed. I went into the washroom to clean my face. I came back out, hopped into bed, hoping for a better tomorrow. Me and Paul cuddled in our bed, and falling asleep in each other's arms.
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Aw, that was sweet, for Jaymie at least. She and Paul seem very happy...but one never knows does one? [Ooh, drama]
That's all for now, lovelies. Stay tuned for the next exciting installment! =D
Love,
Anna
If you haven't read it, please do and as always I appreciate all of your lovely comments. =)
If you see this and you missed the last entries, you can find them here: 1-4 and 5-7.
And now...
Part 8: If I Fell
As I danced with Paul, I glanced over at John and Anna. Jealously raged from me. I wish I was in John's arms. I was desperate. But the dance with Paul was nice. When it was over, we decided to dance to another song. Still hugging Paul, I got rid of Sinatra and put on a Beatles tune. Just for fun.
John suggested "If I Fell". That was one of my all time favourites from The Beatles. Such a beautiful song.
John left Anna, as she wanted to dance with George this time, approached me and asked me to dance. Paul said it was OK. I almost did not want to let go of Paul because I was so nervous but I agreed to dance with John.
He grabbed my hand and slid his other hand down my back. I put my other hand around his neck. I could honestly have stayed in that position for eternity.
As the song continued, John whispered to me: "You look fabulous tonight. You really do look truly beautiful"
"Thanks...thanks so much John,” I said with a huge smile on my face.
"Thanks for inviting me tonight. I feel much better being around you and everyone. I think I needed to be around friends tonight."
"I'm so happy, John. You know if you ever need me, you know, to talk about stuff, just let me know," I said assuringly.
John smiled. I knew he could trust me. I laid my head on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to soak in the few moments of the song, and with John, since it was getting late. I wanted to kiss him. I felt like he was going to kiss me. But neither of us made a move. It was the perfect moment, too. Paul was in the kitchen eating more snacks, or something. Pig. Anna and George were over in another corner. Ringo and Mo were in another.
The song ended and we let go of each other...sadly. It just hit midnight, and Mo and Ringo decided to leave first. We all, including Paul, as he came back from the kitchen, said bye to them and I led them to the door.
"I had a blast tonight, Jaymie, thanks luv", Ringo said. "Thanks, Paul."
"Yes, thank you so much again, great night", Mo continued. "Bye!"
"You’re very welcome, guys, I hope we will see each other again soon", I replied.
I felt like I had taken a drug; I was completely in another world. The dance from John left me in a state of both confusion, disgust, as I had the feeling of wanting to kiss my husband's best friend, and lust.
Paul, John, Anna and George decided to sit on the couch and watch some late-night television. I went to the bathroom to clear my head. As I splashed the cool water on my face, I glanced at the mirror in front of me and I felt such guilt, even more than before the dance.
I felt and heard steps coming from behind the bathroom door. I decided to check who it was by opening the door. It was John. He stood there with a hunger in his eyes.
"We are finally alone", said John. He pushed me in the bathroom and shut the door behind him.
"Yeah, yeah we are...John what are you doing here!?" I screamed quietly.
"I could tell the entire time you wanted me. I want you, too. Come here, lemme kiss ya."
John kept on following my mouth as I moved my head away from him. He finally got one small kiss out of me.
"Stop it John! Seriously, cut it out!" I lightly slapped him on the cheek. I kissed him a bit more.
"Seriously! I cannot do this. It is not right."
We paused for a few seconds. I stood in despair.
"I know you love me, it is so obvious, Jaymie", John laughed.
"Fine, you know what I do. I do. You know I have since the day I fucking met you, OK?! I remember what you wore, how you looked, everything. What you said to me. I knew we could have been together forever, if no one else came in the picture. John, you have no right to come up here", I yelled. "I have to go back down."
"I do not get you girls. You know, at one moment you want me, and at another, you push me away", John replied, in a confused manner.
"John, I love you, really I do, honestly. I'm not really over you. But I am trying to move on. It's so damn hard, John! I keep thinking of us together constantly, but I love Paul too. You know, he's my life now. I did not want to wait until you and Cyn broke up. It's too late. I waited years, and I needed to stop thinking of you! It was enough."
"You keep coming here, trying to get with me, when knowing that I'm with Paul and that I am clearly trying to move on from you," I said.
"You invited me tonight, didn’t you?" John said.
"Yes, but only because I felt bad! I wanted you to be near the people who love and care about you, John. Stop trying to make moves on me; it's difficult enough to be around you, in the same room. Do not make it any harder on me, please.
"Fine, if you really want me gone, watch me," John said with a deep anger in his voice.
John left the bathroom, and slammed the door behind him. My eyes filled with tears.
"What's the matter John?" George said, as John walked towards the front door.
"I gotta go. See ya sometime," John said. "Bye Paul. Bye Anna." John rushed out the door, like a bat out of hell. He shook the whole room with the slam of the door.
"John, wait!” I yelled.
"What's the matter, luv?" Paul said. He ran to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead.
"Nothing, nothing, Paul we just had an argument. I said something I did not mean", I said, still pouring tears.
"It's going to be OK, Jaymie. I just don't think John is in the best shape right now."
"We better get going, I guess", George said. "Thanks for the wonderful evening, Jaymie and Paul."
Anna looked worried. "You know I think I will go after him", Anna said.
"Maybe you should leave him", Paul replied. "John is very sensitive right now."
"No I better, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him", Anna said, as she reassured Paul going to talk to John was a good idea. "George I will meet you at home, alright?"
"OK, hun, be careful," George said. He kissed her goodbye, and left the flat. "Bye guys, see ya."
"Thanks again, Jaymie and Paul. It was so fun. We should do this again soon," Anna said. "Bye". She waved to Paul and me.
"Thank you", Paul and I said, simultaneously.
I was honestly very worried of what Anna may do. Will she find out that I am not really over John?
"I'm so sorry about tonight, Paul", I said.
"No worries, luv", Paul said. He gave me a kiss. "It was no one's fault. Come, let's clean up."
We walked hand-in-hand to the kitchen to clean the dishes.
I watched from the window as Anna left the flat and went to find John. She found him in the pouring rain, outside the building, smoking a cigarette, trying to look calm and collected. He was clearly in disarray.
Part 9: You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away
After Rings and Mo had left, we settled in to watch some telly. The rain was really driving outside and we figured it was better to wait it out then chance going home. Jaymie left the room, making some excuse at the time, not that I really remember. I was pretty worked up over John. He admitted his feelings for me but then he leaves me to dance with Jaymie! Okay, so I was jealous. She wasn’t the one who loved him, who might…well, she didn’t deserve him at any rate. Unless, did she still love him? Did she love him like I did? All these thoughts mulled in my brain as I sat on the sofa. George put his arm around me and I leaned over a bit, trying to forget it all.
John got up and left, but I’m not sure anyone else noticed. Paul may have, or at least I’d have expected him to, but he didn’t publicly acknowledge it. I wondered if John thought I was ‘toying with his affections.’ Probably, and now he’d gone off to find Jaymie. Great.
Suddenly he stomped back into the front room. George asked what was wrong and he waved it off, saying he had to go. He said goodbye to Paul and to me. I couldn’t help but think he made an extra emphasis on me, but it may have been my imagination. He slammed the door with an angry forcefulness and Jaymie rushed out from her hiding place, tears flying. Paul ran to comfort her and George looked at me as if to say, “We should get out of here.”
We said our goodbyes, but I was worried about John. I made a split-second decision to go after him.
“George, I think I’d better see about John. No one needs to be out in this weather,” I said. Paul tried to argue with me, I guess he figured he knew him better. And maybe he does but I wasn’t about to be ordered around. “I’ll meet you at home, alright?” I looked at George.
“Alright, be careful. Love you,” he said, giving me a kiss. He turned and left. Once again, I had a feeling that he should stand up for me. I have no right to go chasing after men in the dead of night and in the rain. Trusting to a fault, I suppose you’d call it. I said goodbye to Jaymie and Paul once again and waved as I left.
The rain had slowed but it still poured. I wished I had an umbrella or at least a better coat but I pressed on. I stopped at the corner of the building and looked down the alley. I saw him, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette, trying to act normal but I knew he was obviously upset.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I was worried. I didn’t want you wandering around in the rain. You could catch your death,” I replied, walking up to him.
“Why would it matter? I’ve nothing to live for really. All you girls do is pull me close so you can push me away. That’s all you’ve ever done. I guess I could live for my art but, you know, it always sells better once the artist is dead. I mean look at da Vinci or some of those other dead chaps. Their stuff goes for millions.” He stopped, blowing smoke rings into the air.
“John, it would matter to me. I don’t want to lose you, I mean that. You can’t leave me now,” I said. He looked at me, turning his head slightly to one side as he always did when he discovered something.
“So, it’s like that is it? When did you find out?” He asked, throwing his cigarette to the ground.
“I haven’t yet, but I’m pretty sure. I haven’t told anyone. I’m…afraid,” as much as I hated to, I broke down into tears.
“Why should you be? You’re in a loving home and I’m sure George’ll do great with kids,” he said, taking me in his arms, trying to comfort me.
“But…I mean, what if…John, it could be yours,” I admitted.
“Well, who’s to know? You; me; that’s it. No one has to know. I’ll just be nice old Uncle Johnny. It’ll be alright, love. Don’t cry.”
I lifted my head from his shoulder, and I half laughed. “With our luck, he’ll come out punching and swearing. And he’d have your nose. How would we explain that?”
“What’s wrong with my nose?” He touched it, as if he wasn’t aware.
“Nothing, it’s a lovely nose. In fact, it’s one of my most favourite things about you. If you had any other nose, I don’t think I’d love you half as much,” I said. I was about to cry again, trying not to kiss him.
He smiled, “I don’t think that kid could be anything but good natured, being yours. She’d also be beautiful.” He held me closer and as much as my mind told me to fight it, I couldn’t. We kissed.
“John, I…I had better be going. I don’t want George to worry about me,” I said when we finally parted.
“I guess it is getting late. At least the rain’s stopped.”
I looked back out from the covered alleyway and laughed. “I hadn’t even noticed.”
“Where are you going to go?” I asked, wondering if he actually had a place to stay.
“I don’t know. I’ll be alright. When are you going to well…you know…” he asked somewhat embarrassed.
“To the doctor?” I finished, “Next week. I guess I’ll know then.” I paused.
“John, are you sure you’ll be alright? I mean, you can stay with us or something. Or why don’t you just stay here with Jaymie and Paul? I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
“No, I don’t want to intrude. And I don’t know if I can go back in there after storming out like that.”
“Well, be careful alright? And you know where to find me, if you need me.” I left, somewhat longing to look back but I didn’t. Thankfully, I didn’t have too far to walk from Jaymie and Paul’s, but it was enough time to think through some things. More than anything I wondered if I really was going to have John’s baby and how that would affect the rest of my life. But I also hoped that if I was pregnant, it was George’s and that I could try to forget my relationship with John.
George surprised me at the door with a kiss. “I missed you.”
“Was I gone all that long,” I asked, taking off my coat.
“No, but it seemed like forever. Did you have any luck?”
“I caught up with him and he said he was going for a walk to clear his mind,” I half-lied.
“Oh, well I guess he needs some alone time after being around all of us,” George said. He took my hand. Although I was filled with worries, somehow they all seemed to go away as we kissed again.
Part 10: Oh My Love
Paul and I walked hand-in-hand; I felt a re-connection to Paul. We looked into each other's eyes, and knew this moment was perfect. Ever since this drama took place with the dinner party, I totally felt blinded by my love for Paul. We looked at some photos of us on our around the flat, on the way to the kitchen, and just remembered the special relationship we have together. We are so different yet completely the same. When I am with him it just feels right. We click- I get him, he gets me. But John seems even more right, if that's possible.
As I was cleaning the kitchen with Paul, I took a glimpse out of the window purely by accident. I saw John and Anna standing in the rain. I thought John had gone far but he was just outside...smoking a cigarette. Did he mean to be there for me to see him? Should I invite him in?
"What you are thinking of, Jaymie?” Paul said in a sweet tone.
He should have said "who".
"Nothing, hun, just looking. I'm pretty upset about before still. I hope he forgives me...soon," I replied.
"He will eventually...give him some time, eh? He'll come around."
I took another look outside the window. Anna had just left John there.
"Paul, should we invite John in?"
"I dunno, you just fought, like, ten minutes ago. Maybe give it a rest, eh?" Paul laughed.
"I know...but I want to make it up with him. I feel terrible. I know he does, too."
"OK, I guess. We have that spare room. May as well give it a purpose. I'll set it up...you go get John."
"Ok, thanks, sweetie", I said, as I kissed him gently on his round, plump cheek.
I grabbed a coat, and headed down the stairs, outside.
"John, hey!" I said, trying to be cheery.
"Hello, Jaymie. What are you doing here?" John said, still angry about before.
"Do you have anywhere to go tonight?"
"No, no, I do not. Just leave me. Here will be fine for tonight, outside on the sidewalk with scum because that's what I am." John slid down the wall and sat on the ground. I sat beside him.
"Stop moping about John, you are not. Come on, Paul and I are going to put together a room for you upstairs. Won't you come? Come please, come on, we have to make up. I'm still very sorry about...earlier"
"I am too. I shouldn’t have followed ya. I just feel...so...I dunno, not wanted, and I guess I just needed someone to belong to for a while, you know"
"Like I said John, you are always going to have me around...whenever and wherever. Please come, eh? I promise to keep my mouth shut...for now," I laughed.
"Yeah you never can. Well, alright. I really do not wanna get sick, I guess."
John and I stood up, walked together in the front door of the building, up the stairs. It was silent at the time, but nice to have known we’re talking now. And he is staying at my flat.
"Hey, guess who is back?" I said.
"Hey Jay and John", Paul said, as he came to the front door.
"Sorry about before Paul. Thanks for letting me stay here."
"No problem, John. I set up sheets, a pillow, PJs and comforter for you."
"Great, I'll put my stuff away."
"Thanks, Paul", I said. I kissed him again to let him know I was truly thankful.
"You're welcome, luv. Well the kitchen is all clear. Everything is washed. Time for bed? I'm wiped."
"Me too. I'll meet ya there."
"OK", Paul replied, giving me another kiss and a hug.
I decided to poke around in John's room...you know just to see what he was up to and if he needed anything. Like...me.
"Everything OK in here John?"
"Yeah, yeah. Good thanks. Uh, could I borrow a toothbrush, by any chance?" John said.
"Yeah, I got one here actually in the bathroom."
"Thanks."
"Well, I'm off to bed now. Goodnight."
"No, now? Come, sit with me. Talk with me. We need some catching up to do." John grinned with a silly little smile.
"John, do not start, eh? Come on Paul is right beside us."
"I just want to talk. Please, nothing will happen, I promise. I just feel we have never had any...alone time between you and I for so long. Not like the good ol' days when I used to come up to your school and hang around in your room. Just talking all night long. Sing me a lullaby?" John laughed. I laughed back.
John climbed into his bed and I sat next to him like his mother. I sang a short little tune that our mums used to sing to us when we were little. We had a small giggle. It was so fun being around him again. Laughing and being silly.
"I best be going. We should, you know, just hang out all night, maybe when Paul's not here, some other time? I'd really love it." I smiled, hoping he'd want the same.
"Yeah, go on off to sleep. You look dead tired. Goodbye and goodnight, my beautiful princess." He smiled and blew me a kiss.
"Goodnight, Prince Charming." We used to call each other princess and prince a long time ago, as an in-joke. I blew him a kiss back.
I shut the door. I was so happy to have him back in my life. And in my flat, especially. I walked into my bedroom, where I found Paul in bed, ready for sleep. I smiled back at him, got my PJs and undressed. I went into the washroom to clean my face. I came back out, hopped into bed, hoping for a better tomorrow. Me and Paul cuddled in our bed, and falling asleep in each other's arms.
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Aw, that was sweet, for Jaymie at least. She and Paul seem very happy...but one never knows does one? [Ooh, drama]
That's all for now, lovelies. Stay tuned for the next exciting installment! =D
Love,
Anna