All My Loving
If you missed it, Parts 1-4 are here. And now that you've read that, the next exciting installment awaits. =)
Part 5: What You’re Doing
“If you don’t hurry up we’ll be late,” I said to George. Those who say women take forever to get ready have never met my husband.
“Do I have to wear a tie?” he said from the closet.
“No,” I replied.
“But I wanted to wear one,” he whined, intentionally trying my patience, I believe.
I walked over to the door, “Then by all means, wear one.”
“No, I won’t. Does this jacket look alright?”
“Yes, darling it’s fine. Are you ready to go?” I asked a bit impatiently.
“Yes. Can we take the mini? I love the mini.”
“What has gotten into you today? You’re acting like a child.”
“Well, then I guess you’ll have to give me a spanking,” he said suggestively as we got in the car.
“George! Have you been talking to Eric today?”
“How’d you guess? He and Mike stopped by, they were working on a song but we couldn’t come up with anything. “
“That’s nice well, nice that they came by. You always act like a kid when you’ve seen them though. Not that there’s very much wrong with that.” I added.
We drove to Jaymie and Paul’s house not saying much. My thoughts were absorbed with worry. I was worried about what John might do or say, or worse yet what I might do or say. I thought about pulling Jaymie aside to speak with her, but then again, she might not be as preoccupied as I.
“No jokes about John, and whatever you do, don’t mention Cynthia, okay?”
“I wouldn’t think of it. I do have a bit of decorum, you know. I keep it in a box. Would you like to see it?”
“Maybe later,” I said as we approached the door. He rang the bell but I noticed the door was ajar. I opened it and we walked in, Jaymie meeting us there. She gave us both a hug and I could tell she was nervous. We exchanged a glance and understood what the other was thinking.
Drinks were served; Ritchie and Maureen were there already. The boys got into a discussion about songs or the new album or something. I must admit I wasn’t paying attention. Jaymie told Mo and I about Italy. “Sounds wonderful,” I said. Suddenly the doorbell rang. She looked at me nervously and I’m sure I had the same expression. She got up and answered the door. It was John.
He stood there, leaning against the doorframe, dressed all in black and wearing sunglasses. He looked like James Dean or something out of the boys’ Hamburg days. He was also drunk.
“Hullo, love. Sorry if I’m late,” he said.
“No, John. You’re right on time. Come in; let me take your jacket,” Jaymie replied somehow maintaining her composure. I wondered if I was the only one to notice the apprehension in her voice.
“Ta. What a lovely home you have here, Mrs. McCartney,” he half laughed, “Never thought I’d say that to you. “ We were all a little shocked at that statement, even though no one said so.
“Well, well,” he said turning to face the rest of the guests; “We’ve got the whole crowd here tonight don’t we? A bit like old times innit? Except you lot are all ‘hitched up.’ Innit funny? I used to be called ‘the married one’ and now I’m the only one not married.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty ironic, John,” Paul finally said.
“Well, now that we’re all here, are you ready to eat?” Jaymie asked moving toward the dining room. We all followed her.
“I hope this’ll be alright. I wasn’t brave enough to try too much on the first go.” John snorted, but luckily no one really heard. Jaymie’s expression for the split second afterwards however was one of horror.
“It looks lovely,” Paul said pulling out Jaymie’s chair. Ringo, not wanting to be outdone, did the same for Maureen. And there I was stuck between George and John, afraid what might happen. Luckily, George got to my chair first. Not that I would have minded John’s attention, I was just afraid of what it might look like.
“Sorry about the extra space, I,” Paul suddenly stopped. Jaymie must have kicked him or something. “I hope you don’t mind,” he continued to Ringo and George apparently, as they had the empty space between them. As was expected neither complained.
Dinner was awkward to say the least. We tried to keep the conversation up, best we could but there were several long pauses. Thankfully, the food was good and that made somewhat of an excuse. Jaymie’s an excellent cook; I don’t know why she was worried about her ‘first dinner party’. We’ve eaten her food several times and gone on to lead fairly healthy lives. I was afraid John would make another outburst but he was actually quiet. He and Paul talked about the album but he didn’t have much to say. We finished eating and Jaymie got up to get the dessert. I offered to help, also hoping we’d get a chance to talk about the rather difficult situation that had arisen.
Part 6: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
I walked into the kitchen, and Anna followed me, to help me with the desserts. Everyone was still stuffed from supper, so Anna and I got to catch up, as we did not talk that much during dinner. The desserts looked delectable.
So did John.
"I've been having so much fun tonight, Jaymie", said Anna.
"Yeah, that's good, I'm glad", I say happily, giving her a pat on the back.
"It's pretty awkward, innit?" Anna replied with a sigh of relief.
"Yes, ah, very much so". I laughed. We just had to talk about the pink elephant in the room.
"John just seems to upset, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been having thoughts of him so often these days, and I can’t get him out of my mind. Every time I think of the slightest little thing, I somehow connect it to John."
"I know how you feel,” I replied. Do I ever know; I felt exactly the same. But I couldn’t tell her that. We’ve got to fight this through together. "Maybe we should move on, eh? I mean we are married and all,” I said, trying to put on a brave face.
"I know, I know, but still!" Anna whined, “It's not fair, it's just not." She nearly broke into tears.
"Anna, I think it's best if we just, ya know, forgot about him. I can’t stop thinking of him either, but we made commitments to Paul and George, and we can't let them down, right?"
"But Jaymie...I…I don’t know how to tell you this...But...I’ve been experiencing, you know… signs…"
"What...what, whhh-att signs?" I stuttered.
"You know, ‘bun in the oven’ sort of stuff."
I was utterly shocked. Not because she could be pregnant, I quite expected that. But that it might be his? "No, no, no. This cannot be happening! Are you sure it's John's? Can't it be George's? It has got to be George's!" I say in disarray.
"I hope so, Jaymie, I do. But I just don’t know," said Anna, shaking her head.
"Well, maybe it's a virus thing. How long has it been going on for?"
"Eh, a few days or so."
“Maybe it’s too early to tell. When's the last time you slept with John?"
"Several weeks ago, before Cyn left, I think. I told him it was the very last time though. I couldn’t hurt George anymore, or torture myself. It was the best thing to do, you know. But, I’ve slept with George since then as well.”
There was a pause in the conversation. I almost let my own secret slip, but no, it was not the time. I wasn’t sure how that might affect the situation but it most certainly seemed to be negative.
"I'm still....I'm still freaking out! What will George think of me? Jaymie, you're the only one I can trust. You can’t tell anyone."
She was in definite tears this time. Tears came rolling down her face. She bit her lip to make it stop. But she couldn't.
"Listen. It’s okay. You can trust me. Everything is going to be fine.” I hugged her to assure she had complete loyalty in me.
Suddenly a voice was heard from the doorway.
"Hi, girls"
It was John.
"Hey, John", I say, with a smile on my face.
"What's wrong, Anna, hun?" He said, putting an arm around her.
"Um, nothing. Nothing, John. I just, eh, had a mini-breakdown. You know us girls. The cake- I forgot the cake, I was supposed to bring", Anna said, obviously making it up to cover up her real feelings.
“Sure thing, Anna. What's the real matter, eh?” said John, taking off his sunglasses.
“John, maybe we can discuss it later, okay? Not a good time, eh? Everyone is waiting,” I say.
"You're both so important to me. The others can wait. What's the deal?" said John anxiously.
"John, I..." Anna said. She could not finish because Paul walked in.
"Jay, when are the desserts coming, luv? I'm starvin'!" Paul said with a gorgeous smile on his face.
"Eh, here Paul, I'm coming, sweetheart!" I said. Paul and I left the kitchen, with food in hand, to serve the desserts. I looked back at Anna, to make sure she would tell the truth about everything to John.
Part 7: How Do You Do It?
After Jaymie left I could hardly stand it. I kept my head down, knowing that if I looked at him, I probably would lose it. “John, I…I…” I wasn’t sure exactly how to tell him.
“Look at me,” he said, tilting my head up. “You can tell me anythin’, don’t you forget that.”
“John, I’m not sure how to say this, but you’re almost all I think about. I miss you. I…I still love you.”
He looked at me and I could tell his mind was racing. He was about to speak when someone called from the other room.
“Sweetheart, don’t you want dessert? Come on, before Paul eats all of it,” George called, followed by a nearly inaudible quip from Paul.
“I’m coming, George,” I replied, half-heartedly, although I hoped it wasn’t noticeable. I did my best to wipe my eyes and fix my expression.
“I guess, we’d better go, eh?” John said.
“You were going to say something, weren’t you?”
“No, it’s nothing really. I mean, it can wait.”
“John, no. I have to know, do you still have feelings for me?” I demanded.
“Anna, it’s not as simple as that. If I say no, you’ll be hurt. If I say yes, then what’s to happen? I don’t think George would agree to that, and I don’t want to see him hurt either. He’s my best mate.”
“I know. I almost wish he weren’t; it’d be easier for us both then, I suppose.” He turned to leave.
“John, wait, just tell me. Whether or not anything comes from it, I still need to know.”
“You want the truth, then?” he looked back at me, “Yes.” With that, he left, I tried my best to regain my composure and followed quickly behind him.
“What took you so long?” George asked, as I sat down.
“Oh, you know, clumsy me. I had dropped one of the plates in the sink, and I was afraid I’d chipped it. But luckily I didn’t find a mark on it,” I lied.
“Oh, that’s good at least. Although, I don’t think Jaymie would have minded much,” George said, without a hint of suspicion.
“No, but thanks for being so considerate,” Jaymie added.
No one questioned John’s absence. I suppose they hadn’t noticed it as much.
We ate dessert and afterwards Paul thought that we were in need of music. We found that he actually wanted an opportunity to show off.
“Oh, I meant to show you. Jaymie gave me these as a wedding gift. Aren’t they smashing?”
He presented several records, mostly by older jazz artists.
“He told me they reminded him of his childhood,” Jaymie said, “So I just had to get them.”
Paul put on a Sinatra one. ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ began playing. Ringo looked over at Maureen and asked her to dance. She agreed, with a laugh. Such an elegant laugh Mo has, it’s very fitting. Following suit, Paul and Jaymie also began dancing. I sat there, looking at George but he didn’t look up at me, he seemed to be in his own world. I must have looked rather rejected though, because John suddenly stood up, taking my hand.
“May I,” he asked. I looked back at George, to get his approval. He nodded, probably out of sympathy to John. As pleased as I was, something else within me wished George would fight for me, not that he felt the need to, I’m sure. He’s so passive sometimes, I just want to know that he cares enough not to lose me.
I don’t know whether everyone was preoccupied or they just didn’t acknowledge it, but I don’t think anyone noticed John pulling me in a little closer. He whispered in my ear. “Is this our song then?”
I was puzzled, until I realized just how true the lyrics were.
“Please John, don’t hold me so close. Not in front of everyone,” I begged, trying desperately not to think about what was happening. I wanted to be able to just let go, just to be near him and not care what someone might think, but I also wanted to tell myself that any hopes of being happily in love with John were futile and that my marriage was worth so much more. I got a sudden feeling that we were being watched. I looked over at Jaymie and Paul. From their position, Jaymie could easily watch us, but she didn’t appear to be.
Still, I wondered….
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I think this is a good place to stop for now. Hope you enjoyed this & as always, comments/criticisms are appreciated. =)
Love,
Anna