(no subject)
friday night while sleeping, i had a dream. it was a normal dream (if dreams can be described as normal) with the usual hoopla of stuff randomly happening and what not. i remember at one point i was having a conversation with an old friend and all of a sudden, my phone rang. i picked it up to my mother crying and breathing that short deep breath that you get when something awful has happened in the family...you know what i mean. she didn't really say anything, but i knew already...my father past away. i instantly fell into the same state as my mom...then i woke up. my muscles felt like a pushed myself through the worst workout in my life and i was clenching onto a pillow next me, not to mention that i was sweating alot. i felt so real, that i couldn't really comprehend what happened and didn't regain my composure for about a minute or so. i know this sounds awful, but for about 3 years, this thought has haunted me. i thought i had come to grips with my dad's age and therefore prepared for the worst. but after that ordeal, i realized that no matter how much preparation, i would still fall into pieces whenever (god forbid) it happened. my dad, although he doesn't realize it, is my mentor. losing my mentor would be about the same as losing my man-hood. i guess i just wrote this blog because i needed to write and let off some thoughts and emotions that have crept up on me over the years.