(no subject)
I went to clean my grandfather’s house today, because apparently he hasn’t had anyone come and clean it in awhile. Anyways, as I was cleaning there were so many things that reminded me of my grandmother, every little thing seemed to remind me of her. I felt as if her presence was near me. I can still remember her voice exactly, and I keep seeing glimpses of her. I remember her almost perfectly, only a few things are blurry.
I resented my grandfather for a long time, because he never gave a damn about my grandmother when she was alive. Honestly, he was a horrible husband, but I’m not going to share the details. He didn’t appreciate her until about 6 months after she died. It took six whole months of being alone for him to realize he lost the most valuable thing in his life. She did everything for him, and I mean everything! She raised their five children all by herself, because he was away at war. There are other things, but here is not the place to share them.
I’m going back tomorrow to finish cleaning his house, and I think I’ll actually break down this time. I’ll see some little object or I’ll remember something that happened in a certain part of the house, and boom it will hit me, she is never coming back. Not that it hasn’t hit me, but being in that house makes me feel as if she was still alive.
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I had a conversation w/ a friend of mine about this person we know who only socializes w/ you if you give him attention. I swear, sometimes he is so wrapped up in himself that he forgets everyone else’s feelings. I wish he'd realized so many things about me, and himself, but he won’t, because he can’t… he’s unable to see beyond what he thinks… beyond himself, well the vision he holds of himself.
Anyways I’m sick of thinking about him, it just further confuses and upsets me.
Well it’s 3:10am… I should get to bed before four. I haven’t been sleeping lately and I’m beginning to wonder if something is wrong w/ me.
I resented my grandfather for a long time, because he never gave a damn about my grandmother when she was alive. Honestly, he was a horrible husband, but I’m not going to share the details. He didn’t appreciate her until about 6 months after she died. It took six whole months of being alone for him to realize he lost the most valuable thing in his life. She did everything for him, and I mean everything! She raised their five children all by herself, because he was away at war. There are other things, but here is not the place to share them.
I’m going back tomorrow to finish cleaning his house, and I think I’ll actually break down this time. I’ll see some little object or I’ll remember something that happened in a certain part of the house, and boom it will hit me, she is never coming back. Not that it hasn’t hit me, but being in that house makes me feel as if she was still alive.
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I had a conversation w/ a friend of mine about this person we know who only socializes w/ you if you give him attention. I swear, sometimes he is so wrapped up in himself that he forgets everyone else’s feelings. I wish he'd realized so many things about me, and himself, but he won’t, because he can’t… he’s unable to see beyond what he thinks… beyond himself, well the vision he holds of himself.
Anyways I’m sick of thinking about him, it just further confuses and upsets me.
Well it’s 3:10am… I should get to bed before four. I haven’t been sleeping lately and I’m beginning to wonder if something is wrong w/ me.