The Ultimate Muffin.
OMG A HUGE PICTURE POST
Today was the day when the n00bz in my school get tested to see if they're literate..Thus giving me a full weekday off to fuck around. And that I did.
At some point of the day, dearest Alina its_on has graced me with her presence and we have agreed to bake THE ULTIMATE MUFFIN. THE ULTIMATE BATCH OF MUFFINS, in fact.
Our quest was mighty successful, so successful in fact - that we have agreed to share this brilliant recipe with the rest of LiveJournal. We were feeling so generous and courteous to all of you, that we have even photo documented the very creation and birth of these glorious muffins for all to see.
Enjoy.
The backbone of these muffins is BlueBerry Muffin mix, purchased from Price Choppers for a whopping 3 dollars. However, it is not enough..
Pickled sea-weed adds the sweet robust flavor and texture of the muffin, and is a crucial ingredient. It is especially wonderful when aged to perfection. Mine was circa 2003.
Raisins, salad dressing, and sea-weed must be added to the muffin mix and stirred.
Insant coffee adds to the flavor and performance of the muffins. Add at least half a jar. Go wild with coffee!
If you are a fellow Ukrainian, you must know that potatoes are the source of all life forms and thus must be added to the muffin batter in large quantities. Do not dare peel the skins.
If your batter does not look like this by now, you are a failure at life and need to be shot in the foot.
A few spoonfuls of SlimFast Chocolatey Fudge must be added for all cautious dieters.
Mild Seafood sauce circa 2004 is also a delicious addition to the batter because of its mouth-watering blend of tomato sauce and horseradish.
Russian beef jerky as displayed by Alina must be chopped and added to the mix. As dry and old as possible. The white mould engulfing the meat adds the flavor.
Mayonnaise is a must!
With the addition of cheese, paprika, nutmeg, and dishwashing soap - your batter should look something like this. YUM!
Spoon the batter into heavily greased muffin pans!...but wait, we're not done just yet.
Sprinkle with cherry cool-aid!
Look at that.
Here goes! In the oven.
Alina cheers the muffins on.
Yum.
Why? Because frozen Challah can also be used to hammer nails into your wall. Observe.
DING DING MUFFINS ARE READY. Time to let our subjects taste them.
Subjects A&A (Ann and Alina) - 15 consecutive minutes of screaming in terror, spitting, and exclaiming "DEAR GOD WHY DID I EAT THIS?" whilst standing on our knees with tears in our eyes.
Sniff sniff.
Scarred for life.
She winces as she smells.
Midy runs away in terror.
"NO, I DONT WANT IT. OH DEAR GOD I DONT WANT IT."
Leeloo wouldn't even come near it.
All they really needed was some jam and icing sugar..
While the muffins cooled and our last subject, my cousin, took her sweet time to arrive - Alina and I have decided to make fire-bombs on my balcony.
The bubble fire-bomb.
The flaming muffin.
Alina as a viking making more bubble fire-bombs for our sheer idiotic amusement.
And speaking of sheer idiotic amusement..
DRAGON BALL Z - DEADZONE. The best 45 minute movie ever made.
Test subject Julia was fed one of the muffins of ultimate glory and now refuses to speak to me. It's her loss, really.
Overall, today was a productive day.
♥
4nnx0rz
Today was the day when the n00bz in my school get tested to see if they're literate..Thus giving me a full weekday off to fuck around. And that I did.
At some point of the day, dearest Alina its_on has graced me with her presence and we have agreed to bake THE ULTIMATE MUFFIN. THE ULTIMATE BATCH OF MUFFINS, in fact.
Our quest was mighty successful, so successful in fact - that we have agreed to share this brilliant recipe with the rest of LiveJournal. We were feeling so generous and courteous to all of you, that we have even photo documented the very creation and birth of these glorious muffins for all to see.
Enjoy.
The backbone of these muffins is BlueBerry Muffin mix, purchased from Price Choppers for a whopping 3 dollars. However, it is not enough..
Pickled sea-weed adds the sweet robust flavor and texture of the muffin, and is a crucial ingredient. It is especially wonderful when aged to perfection. Mine was circa 2003.
Raisins, salad dressing, and sea-weed must be added to the muffin mix and stirred.
Insant coffee adds to the flavor and performance of the muffins. Add at least half a jar. Go wild with coffee!
If you are a fellow Ukrainian, you must know that potatoes are the source of all life forms and thus must be added to the muffin batter in large quantities. Do not dare peel the skins.
If your batter does not look like this by now, you are a failure at life and need to be shot in the foot.
A few spoonfuls of SlimFast Chocolatey Fudge must be added for all cautious dieters.
Mild Seafood sauce circa 2004 is also a delicious addition to the batter because of its mouth-watering blend of tomato sauce and horseradish.
Russian beef jerky as displayed by Alina must be chopped and added to the mix. As dry and old as possible. The white mould engulfing the meat adds the flavor.
Mayonnaise is a must!
With the addition of cheese, paprika, nutmeg, and dishwashing soap - your batter should look something like this. YUM!
Spoon the batter into heavily greased muffin pans!...but wait, we're not done just yet.
Sprinkle with cherry cool-aid!
Look at that.
Here goes! In the oven.
Alina cheers the muffins on.
Yum.
Why? Because frozen Challah can also be used to hammer nails into your wall. Observe.
DING DING MUFFINS ARE READY. Time to let our subjects taste them.
Subjects A&A (Ann and Alina) - 15 consecutive minutes of screaming in terror, spitting, and exclaiming "DEAR GOD WHY DID I EAT THIS?" whilst standing on our knees with tears in our eyes.
Sniff sniff.
Scarred for life.
She winces as she smells.
Midy runs away in terror.
"NO, I DONT WANT IT. OH DEAR GOD I DONT WANT IT."
Leeloo wouldn't even come near it.
All they really needed was some jam and icing sugar..
While the muffins cooled and our last subject, my cousin, took her sweet time to arrive - Alina and I have decided to make fire-bombs on my balcony.
The bubble fire-bomb.
The flaming muffin.
Alina as a viking making more bubble fire-bombs for our sheer idiotic amusement.
And speaking of sheer idiotic amusement..
DRAGON BALL Z - DEADZONE. The best 45 minute movie ever made.
Test subject Julia was fed one of the muffins of ultimate glory and now refuses to speak to me. It's her loss, really.
Overall, today was a productive day.
♥
4nnx0rz