Michael
Last night I had another dream about Michael. I've had several... only two nightmares... the rest not really having a bad feeling... but the same recurring theme.
Supposedly it the night before it happened, a Thursday night. Michael and I were riding in a car... seems like it was down Highway 90. I knew what was going to happen the next night and it was as if I had gone back in the past to prevent it. I turned to him and said, "You know, I love you Michael." I never said I love you, so it was out of character. He turned to me and said, with a look of sort of disbelief on his face, "I love you too, Ashley." The following conservation went something like this.
"Michael, if your depressed you can tell me. Not that you are, but if you were... you could tell me."
- I don't know what he said, maybe just shrugged -
"I know what you are thinking about. And I know it is going to happen tommorrow night. Please don't do this to us, I love you."
- No response -
"I don't want to see you die, I can't handle it. You broke mom and dad's heart. They can't live without you. When we told Granny, in the middle of the night, she wouldn't stop screaming. Please Michael, don't do this. We love you."
- His face got sort of sad, but I don't think he said anything -
"I don't know why you did it. And I don't know if you want to hear this. But Heather says she still loves you and she can't get over you, even after what your gonig to do."
- His face got kind of hard, but no response -
I don't remember the rest. I woke up, in the my new apartment, and looked around. Michael's bottle of Armani Code cologne was sitting on my nightside table. His favorite John Deere hat on my stereo. His cowboy hat and tonka truck from the beach, on my kitchen cabinets.
I realized that no matter how hard I wish I could go back, I can't. He left us here in this nightmare. I miss him more than anything. I want him back so much but I know I can't. Seeing him in my dreams last night made me miss him so much more.
I'm so so so so sorry I didn't see you were hurting. I wish you have given me any signs. I can't wait to see you in heaven buddy.
Michael Walters 6/25/1988 - 1/30/2009
Loving son, brother, grandchild, "brother-in-law", "Michael buddy"
We miss you so much. Life doesn't seem right without you here.
Supposedly it the night before it happened, a Thursday night. Michael and I were riding in a car... seems like it was down Highway 90. I knew what was going to happen the next night and it was as if I had gone back in the past to prevent it. I turned to him and said, "You know, I love you Michael." I never said I love you, so it was out of character. He turned to me and said, with a look of sort of disbelief on his face, "I love you too, Ashley." The following conservation went something like this.
"Michael, if your depressed you can tell me. Not that you are, but if you were... you could tell me."
- I don't know what he said, maybe just shrugged -
"I know what you are thinking about. And I know it is going to happen tommorrow night. Please don't do this to us, I love you."
- No response -
"I don't want to see you die, I can't handle it. You broke mom and dad's heart. They can't live without you. When we told Granny, in the middle of the night, she wouldn't stop screaming. Please Michael, don't do this. We love you."
- His face got sort of sad, but I don't think he said anything -
"I don't know why you did it. And I don't know if you want to hear this. But Heather says she still loves you and she can't get over you, even after what your gonig to do."
- His face got kind of hard, but no response -
I don't remember the rest. I woke up, in the my new apartment, and looked around. Michael's bottle of Armani Code cologne was sitting on my nightside table. His favorite John Deere hat on my stereo. His cowboy hat and tonka truck from the beach, on my kitchen cabinets.
I realized that no matter how hard I wish I could go back, I can't. He left us here in this nightmare. I miss him more than anything. I want him back so much but I know I can't. Seeing him in my dreams last night made me miss him so much more.
I'm so so so so sorry I didn't see you were hurting. I wish you have given me any signs. I can't wait to see you in heaven buddy.
Michael Walters 6/25/1988 - 1/30/2009
Loving son, brother, grandchild, "brother-in-law", "Michael buddy"
We miss you so much. Life doesn't seem right without you here.