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[4go10]

i am curious as to whether or not the signs are being seen. i dont know if i need to make them more clear, although i believe they are indeed VERY clear. i dont think any of them are being noticed, or they are not being thought of as they are meant to be. so many things have been put in front of her, yet i dont think she has seen a single one of them. also i dont know if lindsay has read that last post, i think i may post it as a comment on her journal. anyway i hope she finds theses signs because it is extremely difficult for me to try and talk to her about these things. i dont want to make her upset, like thinking im crazy or obsessed or anything like that, but i want her to know. my info, my sites, my cell phone stuff, everything is for her and i dont think she has seen a bit of it or at least it hasnt registered to her. i hope lindsay may be able to help with this, or she will finally see how i feel. my heart beats excessively, my legs shake, my hands shake, my palms get sweatty, and i get very nervous in general when i have to talk to her about the way i feel. i dont want to come off as some little kid obsessed with a girl because im not, im in love and its not going so well. i also dont want her to lie to me to protect my feelings, and i believe she may have done that. i was thinking about something she said the other day and it contradicts what she had done before she said that. i hope she isnt lieing to me and i dont want to believe that she is but it doesnt make sense to me. im so confused i dont know what to do about this whole situation. also i think she may have decided not to go to the poconoes because i was going to go, although now i cant go anyway. i hope she can go and have a good time, or not go because she wouldnt have a good time. i want her to be happy no matter what although i desperately hope its with me someday. i dont know what is going to happen with the plans we made before her party, like going to key west and australia. i am guessing none of it will happen when we had planned on it, but i believe it will still happen one day. i hope things work out for the best between us. i know she doesnt read this but i hope she knows that if it would help, i would drive up to see her everyday when i get my liscence. and on days i cant make the trip i would call her and talk to her or something, maybe write her a letter because i am willing to give up anything and everything for her. my mom even talked to me, seriuosely, about moving closer to her so we could be together. i would deffinately do that although i dont think she would go for it now =\ i ohe that one day we can be together at last, because i miss her so much already and i will love her always and forever.

P.B.