Nov 22, 2011 09:44
November 22, 2011
Life is rolling. It’s hard. But it’s rolling. I really am glad that I made the choice that I did. Still it may end up being the wrong one, but for now it’s the right one. I am happy to have my family back together and happy. Don’t get me wrong Jon and I have our days where we have to really work some things out but so far we are doing a great job of it.
I had a moment the other day, yesterday actually, and I had to stop myself and tell myself that I was falling back into old habits. I had woken up at around 5:30 am and I “could have sworn” that I saw Jon texting and deleting text messages in his phone. And once he realized I was looking he snapped his phone shut and lay down. So of course I say something about it all and he clearly shows me the phone and tells me that he was just checking the time on his phone. I don’t know. Still don’t know if I believe him on that one. However, he hasn’t shown any sign of infidelity so therefore I have no reason to accuse him of doing such things. I guess it’s that part of me that is ALWAYS going to be scared. So I am on my guard and I tend to jump on things that really are not that big of a deal. So I stopped and simply for the first time took his word for it and let it go; put it out of mind.
I was proud of myself.
Jon has been great. Dealing with my pregnancy mood swings and adjusting to us being back. He’s such a great help to me, although, I had to start letting him help. After about a week of being back in Nc and being with Jon and with all that was going on I started to started to stress out a little. My mom was here, we were in the same household with a man (Jon’s former roommate) that I cannot stand, running out money, me being pregnant, getting Zac into school, having the girls and Zac adjust once again, and the stress of making it work this time was all a little rough. Well, one night before mama left she went to the ER because she fell and we had to go get her at like 9pm. So by the time we got back to the house it was late and I was tired so of course Jon and I didn’t for the 3rd day in a row have sex or make love at all. But just to make it worse Jon had to end the night with the comment “I know you’re tired like always”! And I broke down and started crying. Telling him I could be his sex robot wife and that being pregnant and a mother of 3 small kids all day wasn’t exactly easy either, so it all turned into us telling each other a little of what we needed from each other. Jon explained that if I’d let him help me when he got home from work by the end of the night I wouldn’t be so tired and it would leave more romantic time for us, which I finally agreed too. I then told him how sometimes I just want him to be ok with not “getting any” for 2 days and just hold me without complaints. Overall, we had a great night because we got a lot out that I don’t would’ve come out otherwise. So I cannot complain about how it all went down.
Now its settling more into normal Army Life! Jon works and comes home for lunch. I get Zac off to school and get him from the bus stop, play with the girls and clean house and find things to occupy myself during the day. As boring as it may seem to others it feels great. Its where I fit into place at. Not that its where I want to be for the rest of my life. When I say that I don’t mean not be a mother and wife, I mean a stay at home mother and wife. I am now enrolling into a online collage and I’m going to be working on my Associates then my Bachelors is Business Administration with concentration on Marketing & Sales Management. I’m very excited about it and can’t wait to do this for me! So that once I get it done I can go to work and be a great role model for the kids. It’s something I want to show them that even if you get hit with crazy life obstacles early on you can still accomplish your goals so long as you never give up. I want to be their role model in many ways!
I’m proud to be their mother and want them to be proud I’m their mother too!
Well, I’m off for now. Got to get ready to start dinner! Lemon Pepper Chicken for dinner! Yummy!!!!
Later loves!
~4evernthought~