Great friend & long talks...
In situations like mine I have grown to realize that I can't talk to many of my friends bout how I truely feel. They all think I'm crazy. Every single time they practically tell me I'm stupid bc i love him and want to be with him. However, they've never been where I have nor have they put into what I have on a relationship..its hard to understand someone's issues when you've never had them on the same level. So I have just grown to not tell them..only say things are fine and I'm ok..while truely being a complete mess.
However, I have one friend that I met on Bragg and she and I were the "trouble" army wives on post..or iin our nieghborhood anyways..bc all the other wives were heavy set and drama queens thought we wanted thier men! But them cornering us in made us closer and I remeber her runnin all the way to my house when her husband got alil physical and her sitting in my living room all night crying and while everyone else bad mouthed her about it..We only were around each other for a few months bc we both moved..but we have kept in touch and I can't be more greatful for her as a friend.
Last night I found myself in the steaming hot shower on my knees with tears and water running down my face crying. Praying to God and asking hiim for a sign and to help me through this. Help to be able to forgive and move on and conqure my fear. I asked him to give me the strength and what happen next seem insane. I was in the shower finishin up and she popped into my head..but i thought I'd just call her later...then 2 hrs later after the kids were in bed i got onto Facebok and sure enough..she messaged me and asked me if I was ok..said that she had been thinking of me and wanted to be sure I was ok....I tried to lie and say yea..but then she said.."Candy honey are you ok with the divorce and Jon and all thats happening to you. Because I'm here if your not..I can help you through this"
Sure enough we talked for hours and she told me that I could do it without him..that I could be happy..not as happy bc he makes me happy but she told me how to get over my fear, make it work, and save my marriage...She has nothing to gain by helping me. But she did..and I cried and laughed and thanks the good lord himself for bringing her in my life.
Now, I'm not super religous but I do belive in God and that he can help you in your darkest of days. and I feel he helped me last night. I hadn't talked to Michelle in month or so before last night. Is it a sign?? idk..i think so but i'm not really sure..Am I making it out to be more?? probably..but i don't care...i'm pretty sure that when me and the kids to go NC in 2.5 weeks to let them visit with him...Im going to tell him..one last time that I want us..i want me and him and the kids..and that we can make this work..and that I'll come home..I'll back to Nc and we will get through bc its what families do..they don't give up on each other and run when it gets hard..They jus dont.
So I hope it works and I hope he listens and I hope he feels the same way still. But I won't know until I'm there.
~~4evernthought~~