Sorry my Live Journal people.
Sorry.. this isn't like my everyday diary. This is kinda my.. eh.. when I get a chance diary. Lol. Sorry.
Anyways.. a lot has happened. Crazy shit.
Umm.. me and Josh? Done. He's "back with his ex" so whatever.. obviously he didn't really mean half the shit he said to me. Which is fine.. whatever.. I just wish he fucking told me that BEFORE I started to like him. Like that Friday we hung out.. it was so bad. He was in such a bad mood. And I KNEW something was wrong.. but he was like "no.. I'm just tired." Bleh bleh bleh. I'm like okkkaaay. So then we only hung out for like an hour. He didn't hug me goodbye or anythig.. probably cuz' I was soooo pissed and he knew it. Like seriously.. I was wearing BOOTS. I NEVER dress up. EVER. And like after he dropped me off.. I called Darci right away.. and she was like.. your home already? I'm like yep. So she comes to get me.. so we can go out.. and she's like "wow.. your even wearing heels" I'm like.. yep. Oh well.. whatever. So whatever.. I was over it by the end of the night. Then like that weekend.. he signed on for like a minute and then signed off. And I was like.. hmm. Then he wasn't on for like the WHOLE weekend.. into like the week. And I was like WTF? So me being my sneaky self.. goes on my other sn and checked to see if he blocked me. AND HE DID. I was SO CONFUSED. I'm like.. why did you block me? He's like "I don't know." HOW THE FUCK DOES HE NOT KNOW!? So then I'm like.. do you just want me to leave you alone? HE's like.. well I got back with Michelle. I'm like WHAT? I was like.. *heart in throat* I felt like I was gonna puke. It hurt me.. I'm not gonna like.. I was hurt. But.. whatever.. it wasn't anything to begin with. IT's just.. like.. the fact that he blocked me.. and if I wasn't sneaky I woulda NEVER known. And I dunno. It just hurts.
But whatever.. I'm over it.
I think I'm just gonna forget about guys. Every single time I give a guy the chance to fill my heart. EVER time I open my heart.. and let someone in.. I get fucked over. As usual. And I duno. I'm just like sick of bullshit. Guys ALWAYS lie. Like about everything. Like.. why are you gonna tell a girl you like her.. when you don't?? GAY! SO STUPID!
LIke.. the only thing that keeps running through my mind is.. what's wrong with me?? Why do I keep getting hurt? Am I THAT bad?
Oh well whatever.
Ummm... yea.. I got written up at work.. for that stupid Bethany situation. Fucking bitch. Ugh. I was sooooo pissed. I was like crying.. and shit. Ugh.. I was so mad. So I'm looking for another job.. cuz' I can't deal with this drama at my fucking job.
Whatever.. life sucks and then you die.
So I've been going tanning. I LOVE it. IT feels soooo good. Lol.
I met this kid Jay yesterday.. and we hooked up. We didn't have sex.. but.. what we DID do.. he said I was "amazing." I laughed. It was cute. But.. I dunno.
I chilled with Kristen all day yesterday. And it was awesome. We talked about Miatt like.. alot. And I dunno.. I just havne't fully moved on from him.. and it's been almost 10 months. Like.. I'm STILL inlove with him. And it's gonna be a while.. b4 I completely move on. But.. I dunno.. there's just a part of me.. that just hopes one day someone will make me happy like he made me sooooo happy. I have NEVER been that happy in ALL MY LIFE. I just wish I could find someone that wants to make me as happy as he did.
Ugh. I need to go.
Love me.
Carla.
I never thought I could love a man so much.
Anyways.. a lot has happened. Crazy shit.
Umm.. me and Josh? Done. He's "back with his ex" so whatever.. obviously he didn't really mean half the shit he said to me. Which is fine.. whatever.. I just wish he fucking told me that BEFORE I started to like him. Like that Friday we hung out.. it was so bad. He was in such a bad mood. And I KNEW something was wrong.. but he was like "no.. I'm just tired." Bleh bleh bleh. I'm like okkkaaay. So then we only hung out for like an hour. He didn't hug me goodbye or anythig.. probably cuz' I was soooo pissed and he knew it. Like seriously.. I was wearing BOOTS. I NEVER dress up. EVER. And like after he dropped me off.. I called Darci right away.. and she was like.. your home already? I'm like yep. So she comes to get me.. so we can go out.. and she's like "wow.. your even wearing heels" I'm like.. yep. Oh well.. whatever. So whatever.. I was over it by the end of the night. Then like that weekend.. he signed on for like a minute and then signed off. And I was like.. hmm. Then he wasn't on for like the WHOLE weekend.. into like the week. And I was like WTF? So me being my sneaky self.. goes on my other sn and checked to see if he blocked me. AND HE DID. I was SO CONFUSED. I'm like.. why did you block me? He's like "I don't know." HOW THE FUCK DOES HE NOT KNOW!? So then I'm like.. do you just want me to leave you alone? HE's like.. well I got back with Michelle. I'm like WHAT? I was like.. *heart in throat* I felt like I was gonna puke. It hurt me.. I'm not gonna like.. I was hurt. But.. whatever.. it wasn't anything to begin with. IT's just.. like.. the fact that he blocked me.. and if I wasn't sneaky I woulda NEVER known. And I dunno. It just hurts.
But whatever.. I'm over it.
I think I'm just gonna forget about guys. Every single time I give a guy the chance to fill my heart. EVER time I open my heart.. and let someone in.. I get fucked over. As usual. And I duno. I'm just like sick of bullshit. Guys ALWAYS lie. Like about everything. Like.. why are you gonna tell a girl you like her.. when you don't?? GAY! SO STUPID!
LIke.. the only thing that keeps running through my mind is.. what's wrong with me?? Why do I keep getting hurt? Am I THAT bad?
Oh well whatever.
Ummm... yea.. I got written up at work.. for that stupid Bethany situation. Fucking bitch. Ugh. I was sooooo pissed. I was like crying.. and shit. Ugh.. I was so mad. So I'm looking for another job.. cuz' I can't deal with this drama at my fucking job.
Whatever.. life sucks and then you die.
So I've been going tanning. I LOVE it. IT feels soooo good. Lol.
I met this kid Jay yesterday.. and we hooked up. We didn't have sex.. but.. what we DID do.. he said I was "amazing." I laughed. It was cute. But.. I dunno.
I chilled with Kristen all day yesterday. And it was awesome. We talked about Miatt like.. alot. And I dunno.. I just havne't fully moved on from him.. and it's been almost 10 months. Like.. I'm STILL inlove with him. And it's gonna be a while.. b4 I completely move on. But.. I dunno.. there's just a part of me.. that just hopes one day someone will make me happy like he made me sooooo happy. I have NEVER been that happy in ALL MY LIFE. I just wish I could find someone that wants to make me as happy as he did.
Ugh. I need to go.
Love me.
Carla.
I never thought I could love a man so much.