Some more things that I thought of
As the day when I talk to Will gets closer and closer. I thought of somethings. I thought about something I need to talk to him about no matter what I'm feeling. I need to ask him what our lines as friends are. I want to know how much will we talk to each other about and trust eachother with. When we were together I used to tell him everything about everything. Even when we were just friends he was the person that I told everything to. I'm not sure that that's appropriate anymore. I mean obviously I don't want him telling me how his new girlfriend is in bed, but more then that for me. There are so many thoughts that have come out of this for me that I don't know if it's ok to tell him. Part of me wants him to know everything, but how can you bare your sole to some one who hurt you like that. I think about all of the things I realized about how I can't come out of this the same. Part of me wants him to know that but how can I tell him that? Like today I realized that I'm sort of two people and I hate myself for this. On one hand I believe that Will has to be my sole mate and that if I just hang on it will work out. Then there is the other side of me that knows that he's moved on and doesn't love me anymore. I know that the only way for me to feel better is to think that we were never ment to be and that it was just lucky that we survived two years. I have to let go of the first person but I can't because no matter what part of me I believe I still want to think that the universe isn't this cruel. No matter what side I listen to I won't be happy. I want him to know that. I want ask him if he ever believed that we were ment to be together. But I can't do that to myself. I really don't know what to do. I want to understand how true love can just die. I don't think that he knows and even if he did he thinks that he doesn't owe me anything. But the way I see it he owes me my life and all of the faith I put in us. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I guess we'll see what happens on Sunday. There is something I wonder more then anything else. When did life get so complicated? Remember when you were young and everything was simple. What happened to those days and what can I do to get them back?