The past meets the present
I have been wanting to update for awhile now, but with all the madness I have kinda been hesitant to. Maybe I really should post this in my other journal but you know what...I don't care. So how about an update eh?
I've been laying in bed for the last hour and a half, but I simply can't fall asleep. Too much going on in my mind I guess. I hate that feeling...when your body is physically exhausted but your mind won't let you rest. Yeah it sucks.
So for those of you who don't know...I called my real father the other night. First time I have spoken to him in over 10 years. It was....indescribable. I dunno, its amazing how one person can be sooooooo happy to hear from you. I made his day by calling him... I guess I need to explain a couple of things to some of you. My real dad had a brain aneurysm when I was 7. Most people don't live through this kind of event. However, he was flown to New York to see the best brain surgeon in the US and miraculously...he lived through it. However, his speech and some other motor functions were destroyed as a result of this occurrence. So basically he has lived the last 12 years not really being able to talk very well at all. I kinda see it as when you know what you are trying to say, but you have that "it's on the tip of my tongue feeling"...yeah he lives everyday like that. Anyways, a lot of shit happened afterwords that I really don't wanna get into..at least not in a public journal... and I haven't spoke to him since I was in 6th grade. It has always been my decision to contact him, because we moved and he had no way of getting in touch with any of us. So I took it upon myself a couple of days ago to call and see how he was doing.
It was weird when I got on the phone with him...I wasn't sure if I had the right number or not... but I quickly figured out it was him. I was like "this is your daughter, Mandy" and he got soo excited. The first words out of his mouth were, "Mandy?!? I love you hunny!" So I talked to him for about two hours. Since he is permanently disabled, he can't work, so I asked him what he was doing with his life. He told me how he lives alone with his cats in a cheap trailer he bought for himself. I found out that since his mom died a year ago, no one in the family goes to visit him. I asked and he told me that this guy he used to work with when I was little comes over on Fridays to pick him up and drive him to the grocery store, but other than that he has no visitors. I felt sooo sad for him! He was like, "I got nothing. I got jesus, cheap trailer, 1,2,3,4 cats and I got you" (this is what I mean about his speech not being up to par) He asked if I would come visit and I told him that I would at some point. By the end of our conversation I had made the decision that I was going to drive up and see him over Spring Break (he lives 8 hours away in Indiana). When I told him this he got SOOO excited. My roommate was in the room and could hear him over the phone and it brought tears to her eyes. He just kept thanking me for calling and telling me how much he has missed me. It was a pretty emotional call.
I dunno...after I got off the phone....I just felt like this peace had settled over me. I know I did the right thing in calling him. I feel kinda guilty for not talking to him in so long though. I can't even begin to explain to you guys how much this call meant to him..or me telling him that I'm gonna go visit in a couple months. I guess you guys would have had to of heard his voice...
Well I have so much more that I want to update on but I feel as though this is kinda a long entry to begin with, so I guess I'll save everything else for another day and another time.
I've been laying in bed for the last hour and a half, but I simply can't fall asleep. Too much going on in my mind I guess. I hate that feeling...when your body is physically exhausted but your mind won't let you rest. Yeah it sucks.
So for those of you who don't know...I called my real father the other night. First time I have spoken to him in over 10 years. It was....indescribable. I dunno, its amazing how one person can be sooooooo happy to hear from you. I made his day by calling him... I guess I need to explain a couple of things to some of you. My real dad had a brain aneurysm when I was 7. Most people don't live through this kind of event. However, he was flown to New York to see the best brain surgeon in the US and miraculously...he lived through it. However, his speech and some other motor functions were destroyed as a result of this occurrence. So basically he has lived the last 12 years not really being able to talk very well at all. I kinda see it as when you know what you are trying to say, but you have that "it's on the tip of my tongue feeling"...yeah he lives everyday like that. Anyways, a lot of shit happened afterwords that I really don't wanna get into..at least not in a public journal... and I haven't spoke to him since I was in 6th grade. It has always been my decision to contact him, because we moved and he had no way of getting in touch with any of us. So I took it upon myself a couple of days ago to call and see how he was doing.
It was weird when I got on the phone with him...I wasn't sure if I had the right number or not... but I quickly figured out it was him. I was like "this is your daughter, Mandy" and he got soo excited. The first words out of his mouth were, "Mandy?!? I love you hunny!" So I talked to him for about two hours. Since he is permanently disabled, he can't work, so I asked him what he was doing with his life. He told me how he lives alone with his cats in a cheap trailer he bought for himself. I found out that since his mom died a year ago, no one in the family goes to visit him. I asked and he told me that this guy he used to work with when I was little comes over on Fridays to pick him up and drive him to the grocery store, but other than that he has no visitors. I felt sooo sad for him! He was like, "I got nothing. I got jesus, cheap trailer, 1,2,3,4 cats and I got you" (this is what I mean about his speech not being up to par) He asked if I would come visit and I told him that I would at some point. By the end of our conversation I had made the decision that I was going to drive up and see him over Spring Break (he lives 8 hours away in Indiana). When I told him this he got SOOO excited. My roommate was in the room and could hear him over the phone and it brought tears to her eyes. He just kept thanking me for calling and telling me how much he has missed me. It was a pretty emotional call.
I dunno...after I got off the phone....I just felt like this peace had settled over me. I know I did the right thing in calling him. I feel kinda guilty for not talking to him in so long though. I can't even begin to explain to you guys how much this call meant to him..or me telling him that I'm gonna go visit in a couple months. I guess you guys would have had to of heard his voice...
Well I have so much more that I want to update on but I feel as though this is kinda a long entry to begin with, so I guess I'll save everything else for another day and another time.