i had the BEST 48hours EVER! no detail now but i'll post soon, like tomorrowish
i find my self sitting here after 2 whole days of partying with beer ambients and lsd asking myself "why do i ALWAYS fall for the guy i can't have?!"
i'm not kidding
what the fuck is fucken wrong with me!!!!!!!!!!
i just don't get it. they guy i get crushes on are these freakishly unobtainable guys. not even in the 'out of my league' way, but these guys (aside from the spectacular kinda long hair striking eyes and perfect noses their love for pot) are just these "anti relationship, i'm scared shitless of life and showing emotions b/c i'm scared of being vonerable and let down, so i'm my own bestfriend which makes me unbearably selfish at times " kinda guys.
i just don't know why i like guys like this... its like a fucken disease that i have. for fucks sake can someone one of my really close friend just explain to me why I ME SHANNA MOTHER FUCKEN JONES the girl with the big heart big ego sometimes selfish must be the life of the party must have my way girl you all know (and love might i add) why do i feel the most comfortable the most willing to be my real self and attracted to these guys.... you'd think with my ego i'd want a quiet push over boyfriend who would always let me have my way but no... nope can't be, i have to ALWAYS like the slefish guy. i wonder if subconciously i just want soemeone who i can just play side kick to... or maybe i like these guys so that i don't get into relationships thus i don't get hurt, don't know. i think it maybe the first one b/c that seems most are fetched and well thats shanna... however i do know this:
i'm thinking about this whole thing ENTIRELY way to much for the few days i just had......