(no subject)

[4evainvisible]

terrorists. thats what i see when i close my eyes. this is what i dream. maybe this is why i cant sleep? maybe the news is getting to me, maybe im making up for my lack of emotion september 11? i'm not sure... but always, when i sleep, they come. and only for me. it used to be two. last night, only one. and he wouldn't die. i could shot him, bullets exploding through his head, his heart, tearing up his back, and he wouldn't die. he kept on coming. kept on trying to get me. it was like a bad movie that i just couldnt get out of. he didn't care about anything else, just me. and i would watch him die, i thought. i'd see the bullets tear him up. and he wouldn't go away. and in my dream i'd tell my parents, the police, the news, and all they would say is "those terrorists... trying to get her. we won't let them" but, how could they stop them? i never let them get me though. i'd hide. hide in ditches, in closests, in streams, in forests. but no matter how i hid, the terrorist came last night. i'd shoot him with any thing, any magnum, any whatever. and he kept coming. so i'd cry. that was all i can do... just cry.

besides my terrorist dreams, i just haven't been able to sleep. for the past two weeks i lie in bed for an hour before i finally pass out, and then i wake up in the middle of the night, wide awake. several times. for long periods each time. and i cant go to sleep. it doesnt work. so i lay there for at least a half an hour to an hour, usually longer, until my body decides its time to pass out again. and then i cant wake up in the morning because im so tired.

also, since i've been with jon i've noticed a definite drop in the amount of food i eat. especially when i'm with him. is that not strange?