(no subject)
... it was too much today.
i couldnt stand PE or lacrosse.
in handball people were getting really competetive. i wasnt trying to be a jerk about the game, i was trying to play hard. im sick of feeling like its a battle. i want to play an honest game where people don't cheat on purpose and then get really pissed. i couldnt take it. i try to play the game as best i can. and it's my honest effort that leaves me exposed to criticizations.
then in lacrosse i couldnt score, even on the crease. just an off day... passes missing, wide open feeds airing... but that's not what got to me. this one guy kept pointing out everything i did wrong like "hey lets pass the ball next time" and "you didnt have a shot there you can't score like that"... we were playing 6 on 6 scrimmage... so just offense defense. i subbed myself off and just sat on the ground for a while.
i think lots of little things are building up.
i've got a lot of things to handle as the year is winding down. sigma stuff which has always stressed me out, lacrosse, two concerts with three sets, another performance, the AP calc exam, and just graduation stuff in general.
i dont know whats wrong with me though. i've made myself vulnerable to the things people say. it's like the seinfeld where he lets in one emotion he lets them all in... i'm a lot more conscious of the things going around me and how i want to participate. i dont always make the best decisions, but no one does. but i dont know why im this emotionally exposed.
bad day. hopefully tomorrow is better.
i couldnt stand PE or lacrosse.
in handball people were getting really competetive. i wasnt trying to be a jerk about the game, i was trying to play hard. im sick of feeling like its a battle. i want to play an honest game where people don't cheat on purpose and then get really pissed. i couldnt take it. i try to play the game as best i can. and it's my honest effort that leaves me exposed to criticizations.
then in lacrosse i couldnt score, even on the crease. just an off day... passes missing, wide open feeds airing... but that's not what got to me. this one guy kept pointing out everything i did wrong like "hey lets pass the ball next time" and "you didnt have a shot there you can't score like that"... we were playing 6 on 6 scrimmage... so just offense defense. i subbed myself off and just sat on the ground for a while.
i think lots of little things are building up.
i've got a lot of things to handle as the year is winding down. sigma stuff which has always stressed me out, lacrosse, two concerts with three sets, another performance, the AP calc exam, and just graduation stuff in general.
i dont know whats wrong with me though. i've made myself vulnerable to the things people say. it's like the seinfeld where he lets in one emotion he lets them all in... i'm a lot more conscious of the things going around me and how i want to participate. i dont always make the best decisions, but no one does. but i dont know why im this emotionally exposed.
bad day. hopefully tomorrow is better.