(no subject)

[4am_rush]

i ache for august.
i ache for your departure.

i ache for your phone call.
i ache for your lies.

i ache for pseudo adulthood.
i ache for getting to play pretend.

i ache for the way you fake your own self confidence.
i ache for the way you wear that smile on your face.

everything about who i am as a person. is a lie.

something deep inside wants nothing more then chaos and destruction.
something deep inside me want to just watch every single one of my best friends and love affairs have the most horrific train wrecks of lives.

i want nothing more then to stand over you while you convulse.
i want to hold your hair back and then fucking drown you in your own vomit.

i am disgusting.
i am dirty.
i am horrendous.
i am everything you ever wished you could be.
could have.
could fuck.

i am that kid who everyone knows will never become anyone.
who will be dead by the age of 25.
who will never, ever fucking care for anyone.

i am that kid.

and you are that kid's dream.