Victoria, what do you want from me?
Dear Russell,
Since you spent so much effort agonising over the crafting of your self-description, we've decided that you're not suitable material for any of our Halls of Residence. Applicants for halls of residence should be so self assured that they can write anything in their application, and we will be so spellbound by your brilliance that we will let you in. Applicants shouldn't have any issues with their study habits, social life or sexuality that they would normally omit from any application. Weir House is the sort of house that Don Brash would feel at home in: mainstream. Don't make waves. Be good. Behave. Control your alcohol intake so we don't have to put you on a non-drinking floor because, frankly, we're sick of setting those teetotalers apart from the rest.
What we're doing with this letter, Russell, is telling you that you suck, in a very nice way, and that you should try harder to get into a hall. Note that we used the words 'try harder' instead of 'become a try-hard' because we don't want to make waves. You see, the truth of the matter is that you just don't fit in, Russell. So tough.
We understand that you will be disappointed to learn you suck. Tough bikkies. Life is hard, and everybody above you thinks you suck, so we're just breaking it to you gently. Gently with a big hammer.
What we'd like you to do now is tick the houses you'd like to be considered for from now on. This is a thinly veiled way of saying we'd like you to pick different houses, ones that suck just as much as you do. Like McKenzies, which has one window per three bedrooms. Under no circumstances choose the same houses as you did originally, becuase they're cheaper and better. By ticking them, you will confirm our suspicions that you're logical, and must be seperated from all the other students.
Cheers, jackass,
VUW Accommodation Service.
Yes, of course I'm disappointed, and a little bitter. Grrrrr.
P.S. That letter was a parody, but not by a long stretch.
Since you spent so much effort agonising over the crafting of your self-description, we've decided that you're not suitable material for any of our Halls of Residence. Applicants for halls of residence should be so self assured that they can write anything in their application, and we will be so spellbound by your brilliance that we will let you in. Applicants shouldn't have any issues with their study habits, social life or sexuality that they would normally omit from any application. Weir House is the sort of house that Don Brash would feel at home in: mainstream. Don't make waves. Be good. Behave. Control your alcohol intake so we don't have to put you on a non-drinking floor because, frankly, we're sick of setting those teetotalers apart from the rest.
What we're doing with this letter, Russell, is telling you that you suck, in a very nice way, and that you should try harder to get into a hall. Note that we used the words 'try harder' instead of 'become a try-hard' because we don't want to make waves. You see, the truth of the matter is that you just don't fit in, Russell. So tough.
We understand that you will be disappointed to learn you suck. Tough bikkies. Life is hard, and everybody above you thinks you suck, so we're just breaking it to you gently. Gently with a big hammer.
What we'd like you to do now is tick the houses you'd like to be considered for from now on. This is a thinly veiled way of saying we'd like you to pick different houses, ones that suck just as much as you do. Like McKenzies, which has one window per three bedrooms. Under no circumstances choose the same houses as you did originally, becuase they're cheaper and better. By ticking them, you will confirm our suspicions that you're logical, and must be seperated from all the other students.
Cheers, jackass,
VUW Accommodation Service.
Yes, of course I'm disappointed, and a little bitter. Grrrrr.
P.S. That letter was a parody, but not by a long stretch.