sooo
sidni's in town and i'm not getting to hang out with her or anything. this is awesome. really awesome. i can't tell you how stoked i am!
my stomach burns like it's never burned before? it's in knots. i've been crying tonight. i went out with josh and sonja for like an hour and a half to pensacola beach, i had one pina colada, just wasn't feeling it. came home, tried to make my stomach feel better, but it just won't come out of knots.
my eating is fucked. i am afraid of gaining back any of the weight i've lost. i'm afraid of fat. i'm afraid of a full, nasty, fat, gross, bloated stomach. i ate a few pecan chips today with hummus, a handful of tortilla chips with fresh cut salsa, and like a bite of black eyed peas.
yet i feel like a fat ass dumb cow. that was probably the most i've eaten in a week.
i'm sleepy, i feel old, my chest/stomach/throat burns. i don't want to do anything except sulk.
everyone is going through stress and their own problems.
nobody has time to listen to me or let me cry on them. something.
hey, i've been going through absolute hell, and i'm screaming my fucking lungs out and it's like everyone overhears the shit somehow.
it's pretty sweet. being non-existent is okay. weddings, funerals, friends working too much, flaky friends, and the friends that only call you when they need something or to vent to you. once i want to vent no one is there.
one person is there for me and that one person i probably won't ever get to hold or touch.
looking at the way things are going. awesome.
i'll sit here at 976 sandy bay drive and fucking die for all i care.
nobody else seems to give a flying fuck what happens to me.
whine whine whine.
well fuck you. nobody knows how i've been feeling inside for the past month, and what i've been hiding. it sucks to build up emotions because you're too worried about everyone else and no one lets you talk.
fuck.
someone seriously, just get it over with and shoot me in the fucking face.
my stomach burns like it's never burned before? it's in knots. i've been crying tonight. i went out with josh and sonja for like an hour and a half to pensacola beach, i had one pina colada, just wasn't feeling it. came home, tried to make my stomach feel better, but it just won't come out of knots.
my eating is fucked. i am afraid of gaining back any of the weight i've lost. i'm afraid of fat. i'm afraid of a full, nasty, fat, gross, bloated stomach. i ate a few pecan chips today with hummus, a handful of tortilla chips with fresh cut salsa, and like a bite of black eyed peas.
yet i feel like a fat ass dumb cow. that was probably the most i've eaten in a week.
i'm sleepy, i feel old, my chest/stomach/throat burns. i don't want to do anything except sulk.
everyone is going through stress and their own problems.
nobody has time to listen to me or let me cry on them. something.
hey, i've been going through absolute hell, and i'm screaming my fucking lungs out and it's like everyone overhears the shit somehow.
it's pretty sweet. being non-existent is okay. weddings, funerals, friends working too much, flaky friends, and the friends that only call you when they need something or to vent to you. once i want to vent no one is there.
one person is there for me and that one person i probably won't ever get to hold or touch.
looking at the way things are going. awesome.
i'll sit here at 976 sandy bay drive and fucking die for all i care.
nobody else seems to give a flying fuck what happens to me.
whine whine whine.
well fuck you. nobody knows how i've been feeling inside for the past month, and what i've been hiding. it sucks to build up emotions because you're too worried about everyone else and no one lets you talk.
fuck.
someone seriously, just get it over with and shoot me in the fucking face.