help
IF ever ive felt down its now. Every day i work harder and harder, i sleep less and less. My heart is on fire, my mind is realing and i really just wish i had someone to tell me everything would be ok. I just wish there was another me to pick me up instead of put me down. I'm tired of being harranged by other people for my shortcomings. I know my faults, but you know i have less than most. I'm braking my back for something i want so badly but it just feels like some insermountable wall i can't just fix this. I don't have any answers for any of this, every day I try to think of new ways to show my love to prove its metal, and that it is strong and will last. But I get nothing from it I simply hold on and let the tide roar through me, I should just fall I should just brake and let the rush of this vast expanse crash upon me and consume my heart my mind and my body. Simply become a mongrel bastard pursuing nothing but the pleasures of the flesh and destroying those around me. But i can't do this. I can't let other people suffer for my pain, while things in my life are going pretty well, I know i have never really had it that bad my family has been in some rough patches ive been down a dark road or two but on the whole i live a charmed existence. But sadly it is utterly unsatisfying. My only joy is to see that smile, to feel her burden lighten drives me on to see those brief moments of happiness, they light my soul with a wonder and a joy that has been gone for too long now. I just wish i could go to sleep and when i wake i could be laughing about all this with the people and person i love. Knowing that after everything i'm doing there would a fruit to my labor. Just feel so empty, so void of anything worthwhile. I know what would heal me but sadly it is out of reach for now. I will work harder, I will do more, and i will never give up hope. For in that moment when hope leaves you will forever be less than you were. God help me.