regret
Well i doubt if anyone still cares because lately i have either alienated, fucked or destroyed everything i loved cherished or cared about in the last year or so. If anyone does read this and is one of the above know that words can't express how sorry i am. And that i am most definitely being punished for all my sins. I would give a lot to be able to go back and do a lot of things differently but hey thats not the point. I see my mistakes i feel them like a weight on my back and theres no way to get them off now. I apologise first off to everyone i didnt listen to or pushed away. I've been fucked up for a long time, i guess in a way its part of my charm (what little of that there is) but i do wish all of my friends to know i love them i love all the time we've had together, and i wish there was more. I'm not gonna make excuses for being a complete dick and for destroying a lot of things because that won't help just know that if there is forgiveness out there that I see where i went wrong i regret it and i remember it and will continue to do so every day so i will never make them again. Most of all
i know now what a good thing is and that running away or pushing something out is never the answer nor does it work, Love is a powerful thing not to be trifled with and it's eating me alive inside like some half mad wounded animal. Starving, so it just chews on me. i hope i can fix things or at the least make something new and hopefully better if i can't i'll just wither up and pass on. move on. whatever. Just never worked so hard and focused on one thing i want so badly i can't think i sleep and dream about i get jittery when its around i want to scream cry laugh and jump for joy all at once makes me stronger than ive ever been and so weak i don't know if i can stand sometimes. I haven't prayed for anything in a long time but now i do nightly hoping something will take pity on me. But on the whole i'm more of a man now than ive ever been i'm going to face the future whatever it brings love everything i can and hope. pray. and try.
i know now what a good thing is and that running away or pushing something out is never the answer nor does it work, Love is a powerful thing not to be trifled with and it's eating me alive inside like some half mad wounded animal. Starving, so it just chews on me. i hope i can fix things or at the least make something new and hopefully better if i can't i'll just wither up and pass on. move on. whatever. Just never worked so hard and focused on one thing i want so badly i can't think i sleep and dream about i get jittery when its around i want to scream cry laugh and jump for joy all at once makes me stronger than ive ever been and so weak i don't know if i can stand sometimes. I haven't prayed for anything in a long time but now i do nightly hoping something will take pity on me. But on the whole i'm more of a man now than ive ever been i'm going to face the future whatever it brings love everything i can and hope. pray. and try.