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[40oztofreedom_]

I was enjoying another last cigarette of the night when I heard syncopated wailing that we all recognize as a baby. I was watching the projection of white and blue lights interrupt each other out of a television set. The baby is screaming because he is unhappy, probably in pain. The television must be distracting. I often wonder if we all want to

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[40oztofreedom_]

of course to be without anger would be best. That would be the goal, but I guess at this point in my life doubt if I will ever completely overcome something that has been such a powerful force in my life. I do believe it is within my power to make that happen, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to reach that point.

I see all kinds of benefits in our worst flaws. Suppresion is not an option. Trying to control anger is the best thing to do, but sometimes the things that make us angry are out of my control, and the reasons for my anger have to do with my deepest inadequacies and unresolved issues. I can confidently say that any version of myself that is above resorting to anger would have to be a person who is comfortable with the worst aspects of himself first. Just like with alcoholism, we must admit a powerlessness over anger before we are willing to allow others to help us. I know most of my major flaws, but I sometimes justify the flaws themselves as a way of justifying my fear of truly considering them and the power they have over me.

If I believe there is merit to anger, then I can say 'maybe I don't have to work through it' because it stimulates creativity or as a reminder that I'm not the only one who has done wrong in this situation. You are also to blame for my unhappiness (a hypothetical you, which is not Lara, who has never made me angry).