(no subject)
montreal summertime is an unreal mindfuck of a wonderful time. sometimes i'll stumble into the soundwaves of a jazz concert on a streetcorner or meet a girl performing poetry in a park and i think to myself that i could very well be in thornhill right now if i hadn't made the leap to get out of there for good, but thank god i'm here.
the way that late 19th/early 20th century artists talk about paris as the place to find inspiration, i feel that montreal is that place in 2008. the city is a gallery, a theatre, a meeting place. everyone in the city looks so beautiful this time of year and i want to sleep with every one of them (not really, but you know...). Cyclists, both leisure and of necessity rule the streets with ultamite right of way and empathy from drivers. Where I live is surreal, it is a neighbourhood that is so un-north american in its actions that I sometimes forget that I am in Canada still. I noticed all of these things in the first eight months living here but all assumptions exponentially explode come june in the plateau.
I don't remember a time I've been so in love with life itself. I'm analyzing myself less, hesitating less, experiencing more. I always knew that moving away from where you lived your whole life is a soul altering phenomenon, but I never expected it to come so naturally. I'm slowly becoming a montrealer and I love it. I don't even wish I was traveling, this is the only place I want to be, and people that have known me for a long time know that I'm never satisfied with the piece of land alloted to me. This is new.
I'm coming into Thornhill this week and I'm quite excited to see some people. It came as a surprise that I got the chance, as I had a kitchen job that I got fired from on thursday, then I got a call centre job which doesn't begin til next monday, so I thought what could I do with a week and a half off? I tried to organize a camping trip with some people, but no one had time, money, equipment or drive, so i decided to go and try to resolve some of my shit with my parents, which is a good thing considering that I'm in a good emotional space right now, so I can appear more sympathetic to what they've gone through (which has been rough, even if it is for silly reasons) than I know I actually am. I just want to spread love like fairy dust onto everyone I see.
I came to 2 important understandings this week:
I also came to the understanding when good times hit me like a frying pan to the face, that I keep myself in a shroud of relative misery. I was so afraid to be happy and to appear so because then I'm so vulnerable. It's quite frightening actually to not hesitate.
no 2. I was listening to folk legend Billy Bragg do an interview on CBC radio today and he was asked why our generation is so cynical, and he said 'because it's easier. it's easier to have all the answers'. This made me think twice, because I always maintained my cynicism for the secret reason that I felt it was a struggle to maintain it. I never considered it's harder to be an optimist in this world. My new roomate is the typical cynic, he's 30, smokes a fuckload of weed, has teenagerlike views on politics, though he's more eloquent about them, and I see him never growing out of it. He's had a rough life actually, so I can't judge him, but I don't want to end up like that. He's closed his mind to the idea of being happy, as if bliss equals ignorance, simplicity, stupidity, and eventually a consumerist suburban life. As if smiling when the sun comes up could lead to a wife and 4 kids. It's something I do as well, to a lesser degree, but it makes me question what does it mean to be a cynic? Do I trust myself and my faith in my ideals enough to believe that they will remain at the core of me while i dont wear a depressed face to show everyone that I've been through shit in my life.
I don't think I'm about to make any major lifestyle changes based on these things, but they're just thoughts that I'm working through. It's summer in montreal, who has time to consider...
the way that late 19th/early 20th century artists talk about paris as the place to find inspiration, i feel that montreal is that place in 2008. the city is a gallery, a theatre, a meeting place. everyone in the city looks so beautiful this time of year and i want to sleep with every one of them (not really, but you know...). Cyclists, both leisure and of necessity rule the streets with ultamite right of way and empathy from drivers. Where I live is surreal, it is a neighbourhood that is so un-north american in its actions that I sometimes forget that I am in Canada still. I noticed all of these things in the first eight months living here but all assumptions exponentially explode come june in the plateau.
I don't remember a time I've been so in love with life itself. I'm analyzing myself less, hesitating less, experiencing more. I always knew that moving away from where you lived your whole life is a soul altering phenomenon, but I never expected it to come so naturally. I'm slowly becoming a montrealer and I love it. I don't even wish I was traveling, this is the only place I want to be, and people that have known me for a long time know that I'm never satisfied with the piece of land alloted to me. This is new.
I'm coming into Thornhill this week and I'm quite excited to see some people. It came as a surprise that I got the chance, as I had a kitchen job that I got fired from on thursday, then I got a call centre job which doesn't begin til next monday, so I thought what could I do with a week and a half off? I tried to organize a camping trip with some people, but no one had time, money, equipment or drive, so i decided to go and try to resolve some of my shit with my parents, which is a good thing considering that I'm in a good emotional space right now, so I can appear more sympathetic to what they've gone through (which has been rough, even if it is for silly reasons) than I know I actually am. I just want to spread love like fairy dust onto everyone I see.
I came to 2 important understandings this week:
I also came to the understanding when good times hit me like a frying pan to the face, that I keep myself in a shroud of relative misery. I was so afraid to be happy and to appear so because then I'm so vulnerable. It's quite frightening actually to not hesitate.
no 2. I was listening to folk legend Billy Bragg do an interview on CBC radio today and he was asked why our generation is so cynical, and he said 'because it's easier. it's easier to have all the answers'. This made me think twice, because I always maintained my cynicism for the secret reason that I felt it was a struggle to maintain it. I never considered it's harder to be an optimist in this world. My new roomate is the typical cynic, he's 30, smokes a fuckload of weed, has teenagerlike views on politics, though he's more eloquent about them, and I see him never growing out of it. He's had a rough life actually, so I can't judge him, but I don't want to end up like that. He's closed his mind to the idea of being happy, as if bliss equals ignorance, simplicity, stupidity, and eventually a consumerist suburban life. As if smiling when the sun comes up could lead to a wife and 4 kids. It's something I do as well, to a lesser degree, but it makes me question what does it mean to be a cynic? Do I trust myself and my faith in my ideals enough to believe that they will remain at the core of me while i dont wear a depressed face to show everyone that I've been through shit in my life.
I don't think I'm about to make any major lifestyle changes based on these things, but they're just thoughts that I'm working through. It's summer in montreal, who has time to consider...