(no subject)
I'm back in Jerusalem.
My sisters baby has pudgy cheeks, she roars when shes happy, and she can play with a piece of crinkly cellophane for over an hour, and I don't get bored watching her. She's the highlight of the trip so far.
I've been here for 2 days, and oh man, I forgot how intense this city is. I'm getting ready to leave tomorrow. I initially said I was going to stay a month, then it was 10 days, a week, and now I've been here for 3 days and I'm ready to get the fuck outta here!
Haredi Jews are funny. There is a beauty to the community, their philosophy solid and ideal, but there is a sugar coated version of it that is presented to outsiders wanting to come in that pulls on emotional and intellectual strings to draw you in.
Note to self: I am the chosen people. I am being persecuted. I am a direct descendant of 3000 years of history, hundreds of generations that faced anti-semitism and avoided intermarriage in order to make sure I get to this point pure and fully Jewish. If I choose to neglect this sacred duty, I am a hedonistic coward.
AAAAAAAAH! fuck that shit. They sit you in a chair and preach to me how illogical atheism is. I never told them I'm an atheist, but they only have prepared answers to deal with things they know. Questions of belief relating to Richard Dawkins, Scientific American, The Vatican, The Koran and Tibet. It's crazy the anti-arabic sentiment that is spread. The feeling that my life back home is worthless.
A conversation I had a few hours ago with the Rosh Yeshiva. (The chief Rabbi of Ohr Someyach)
ME: What if I'm just not sure if there's a god?
HIM: (rant on how atheism is illogical)
ME: Well, I'm not saying I don't believe in god, I'm just saying there is compelling evidence pulling me in both directions.
HIM: What evidence? I've spent 50 years wandering around looking for a compelling piece of evidence that disproves god. If I find one, I'll de-convert. Did you know Einstein spent his whole life fighting god and eventually had to embrace him?
ME: I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I know I can't
HIM: You see, you can't convince me god isn't there because you don't believe it.
ME: Exactly, I don't believe in anything. I'm wondering if it's possible to live in limbo.
HIM: If you want to be miserable, you can.
ME: (head explodes with blood splattering all over his office)
I just don't want to pick a belief system because it's easier to do so. I want to find some truth in the matter. I feel like fresh meat when I walk into a yeshiva, everyone wants to walk up and invite me into a community. I had so many friends within minutes because I'm so cool. I was told I was exceptional, mature, and smart at least 30 times in my 2 days there. Flattery doesn't entice me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
you must be wondering why I went to a place like that anyways?
well, the first reason is I was curious. I find it fascinating to see how people are brought into systems of belief. I like being on the inside of something not everyone gets to see.
#2. Makes travel cheap. Place to stay and eat. No money down.
#3. To try to understand where my sister is coming from in her worldview. It changed her so dramatically, I figured I'd try to see what it's about.
#4. I grew up in this community (sort of). It's kind of nice to refresh my lost knowledge.
#5. Hoping that my sister will appreciate my effort to make amends with her. Maybe she won't, as she's going to be so disapointed when I tell her later today that I'm not going back. Anything short of conversion is failure in her eyes. She'll think I went in narrow minded and I didn't grasp key concepts that she clung to. So it's a lost effort to try to appease her, because she simply wont understand.
So I'm off to Tel Aviv tomorrow to drink alot and forget about this experience. I'll write from there.
My sisters baby has pudgy cheeks, she roars when shes happy, and she can play with a piece of crinkly cellophane for over an hour, and I don't get bored watching her. She's the highlight of the trip so far.
I've been here for 2 days, and oh man, I forgot how intense this city is. I'm getting ready to leave tomorrow. I initially said I was going to stay a month, then it was 10 days, a week, and now I've been here for 3 days and I'm ready to get the fuck outta here!
Haredi Jews are funny. There is a beauty to the community, their philosophy solid and ideal, but there is a sugar coated version of it that is presented to outsiders wanting to come in that pulls on emotional and intellectual strings to draw you in.
Note to self: I am the chosen people. I am being persecuted. I am a direct descendant of 3000 years of history, hundreds of generations that faced anti-semitism and avoided intermarriage in order to make sure I get to this point pure and fully Jewish. If I choose to neglect this sacred duty, I am a hedonistic coward.
AAAAAAAAH! fuck that shit. They sit you in a chair and preach to me how illogical atheism is. I never told them I'm an atheist, but they only have prepared answers to deal with things they know. Questions of belief relating to Richard Dawkins, Scientific American, The Vatican, The Koran and Tibet. It's crazy the anti-arabic sentiment that is spread. The feeling that my life back home is worthless.
A conversation I had a few hours ago with the Rosh Yeshiva. (The chief Rabbi of Ohr Someyach)
ME: What if I'm just not sure if there's a god?
HIM: (rant on how atheism is illogical)
ME: Well, I'm not saying I don't believe in god, I'm just saying there is compelling evidence pulling me in both directions.
HIM: What evidence? I've spent 50 years wandering around looking for a compelling piece of evidence that disproves god. If I find one, I'll de-convert. Did you know Einstein spent his whole life fighting god and eventually had to embrace him?
ME: I'm not trying to convince you of anything. I know I can't
HIM: You see, you can't convince me god isn't there because you don't believe it.
ME: Exactly, I don't believe in anything. I'm wondering if it's possible to live in limbo.
HIM: If you want to be miserable, you can.
ME: (head explodes with blood splattering all over his office)
I just don't want to pick a belief system because it's easier to do so. I want to find some truth in the matter. I feel like fresh meat when I walk into a yeshiva, everyone wants to walk up and invite me into a community. I had so many friends within minutes because I'm so cool. I was told I was exceptional, mature, and smart at least 30 times in my 2 days there. Flattery doesn't entice me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
you must be wondering why I went to a place like that anyways?
well, the first reason is I was curious. I find it fascinating to see how people are brought into systems of belief. I like being on the inside of something not everyone gets to see.
#2. Makes travel cheap. Place to stay and eat. No money down.
#3. To try to understand where my sister is coming from in her worldview. It changed her so dramatically, I figured I'd try to see what it's about.
#4. I grew up in this community (sort of). It's kind of nice to refresh my lost knowledge.
#5. Hoping that my sister will appreciate my effort to make amends with her. Maybe she won't, as she's going to be so disapointed when I tell her later today that I'm not going back. Anything short of conversion is failure in her eyes. She'll think I went in narrow minded and I didn't grasp key concepts that she clung to. So it's a lost effort to try to appease her, because she simply wont understand.
So I'm off to Tel Aviv tomorrow to drink alot and forget about this experience. I'll write from there.