.she's a maneater.
i think that english muffins have to be the smartest baked breakfast good. why? well, because they're english. it should be a law that all english muffins must wear graduation caps at all times. just like cartoon owls. croissants must wear black berets and black turtle necks. they also must be snooty. whereas biscuits are very, very.... special. like "i get baked in the short oven" special. i don't think biscuits are smart enough to figure out hats, so... biscuits must wear velcro shoes. and mittens. doughnuts wear muu-muus and windbreaker jogging suits, just because someone has to, am i right? all of those other breakfast pastries, like uhh, bearclaws, would wear tank tops and cut off acid washed jean shorts, simply because it's my dream and i can make them do what i want. i am their puppet master... dance.