Fandom 7
[Title] Compulsions
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for sex
[Notes/Summary] Raito has always known the difference between desire and action. Raito/Misa; Raito/Matsuda; implied Raito/L.
(Not wanting it, and not doing it)
Girls at school clutching his arm, giggling up at him. Shiny hair and baby-talk and oh Raito-kun this is going to be so much fun! Wholesome, boring dates to wholesome boring places that reveal nothing about either of them (why would it? He plays along because if he doesn't that makes him a loner, or even a loser, and he doesn't care to be known as such. They just want someone whose looks match their mental outfit. He could be the stupidest male on the planet and still this would continue.) As time goes on there is kissing on doorsteps and letting his hand trail round from her back over to her breast and stopping immediately when she murmurs don't, Raito-kun, you mustn't. And apologising as if he just couldn't help himself.
Tempted to go further, override the objections, just to see what it's like and decide that it's worthless. But guys who do that are diminished afterwards, and he does not intend to be diminished, ever.
(Not wanting it and doing it)
He holds off on touching Misa too much, because then it has more effect when he does and he gets to use it for important matters. Tonight he's decided, however, that she is becoming irritated by the lack of consumnation in their business relationship, and after they've finished eating (only their fifth meal as a living-together-couple, and the sparkle at the novelty hasn't faded from her eyes) he gives his hand to her, raises her up and aims to touch as many parts of her as he can in one moment. That should clue her in.
Misa is clever enough to realise, and she's already pulling her top off as they stumble into the bedroom. She's yellow in the streetlight from the window. She's looking at him, half-scared, waiting for his approval, and he could crush her if he wanted - oh, she'd retaliate, but for that one moment she'd be destroyed. It's that, rather than the sight of her breasts, that gets him hard, and, a little later, it's her cry of oh Kira oh Kira-sama oh my Raito-kun that makes him decide that this is something that can happen again, if it has to.
(Not doing it and
Wanting it)
He hated Ryuzaki. No. He hated L, because what's the point of aliases now? He isn't used to hating. Despising, being irritated by, finding dull, yes. But not hating, not being unable to rise above the object of his disgust, and so the constant feeling that he's about to run short of breath, or blush, and that his skin is just waiting for L to touch it because the idiot has no concept of personal space -
A surprise.
The first night when they're cuffed together he can't sleep, L is too warm -
The first night after L's death he can't sleep because it's too cold and all he can do is remember the man light and thin and fading away in his arms.
Oh, pathetic. He can't stand it when he has ideas he knows are stupid.
(Wantingitand
Doing it)
He's older now, and he understands what he finds pleasurable. Matsuda looking up at him, eyes turned golden by the streetlight, shuddering and whispering half-words and sentences that don't make sense, hands thrown back above his head because Raito has told him to do so. Waiting, begging, pleading for release, for salvation, for that healing touch, and Raito does make him wait, crooning answers to prayers, invoking divine love, laying his hands on hot skin and then leaning forward to whisper and bite at Matsuda's throat and shoulders and -
This is all right. This is safe. He could never show Misa this side of himself, she would know what a weapon she had. Matsuda is safe. Matsuda is too stupid to read people the way L would have, and won't make the connection between worship and Kira. And Matsuda thinks the best of everyone and has no self-control and so Raito will never tarnish his image, will never be branded desperate or perverted and will never be enslaved by desires that he almost knows he doesn't have.
[Fandom] Death Note
[Rating] PG-13 for sex
[Notes/Summary] Raito has always known the difference between desire and action. Raito/Misa; Raito/Matsuda; implied Raito/L.
(Not wanting it, and not doing it)
Girls at school clutching his arm, giggling up at him. Shiny hair and baby-talk and oh Raito-kun this is going to be so much fun! Wholesome, boring dates to wholesome boring places that reveal nothing about either of them (why would it? He plays along because if he doesn't that makes him a loner, or even a loser, and he doesn't care to be known as such. They just want someone whose looks match their mental outfit. He could be the stupidest male on the planet and still this would continue.) As time goes on there is kissing on doorsteps and letting his hand trail round from her back over to her breast and stopping immediately when she murmurs don't, Raito-kun, you mustn't. And apologising as if he just couldn't help himself.
Tempted to go further, override the objections, just to see what it's like and decide that it's worthless. But guys who do that are diminished afterwards, and he does not intend to be diminished, ever.
(Not wanting it and doing it)
He holds off on touching Misa too much, because then it has more effect when he does and he gets to use it for important matters. Tonight he's decided, however, that she is becoming irritated by the lack of consumnation in their business relationship, and after they've finished eating (only their fifth meal as a living-together-couple, and the sparkle at the novelty hasn't faded from her eyes) he gives his hand to her, raises her up and aims to touch as many parts of her as he can in one moment. That should clue her in.
Misa is clever enough to realise, and she's already pulling her top off as they stumble into the bedroom. She's yellow in the streetlight from the window. She's looking at him, half-scared, waiting for his approval, and he could crush her if he wanted - oh, she'd retaliate, but for that one moment she'd be destroyed. It's that, rather than the sight of her breasts, that gets him hard, and, a little later, it's her cry of oh Kira oh Kira-sama oh my Raito-kun that makes him decide that this is something that can happen again, if it has to.
(Not doing it and
Wanting it)
He hated Ryuzaki. No. He hated L, because what's the point of aliases now? He isn't used to hating. Despising, being irritated by, finding dull, yes. But not hating, not being unable to rise above the object of his disgust, and so the constant feeling that he's about to run short of breath, or blush, and that his skin is just waiting for L to touch it because the idiot has no concept of personal space -
A surprise.
The first night when they're cuffed together he can't sleep, L is too warm -
The first night after L's death he can't sleep because it's too cold and all he can do is remember the man light and thin and fading away in his arms.
Oh, pathetic. He can't stand it when he has ideas he knows are stupid.
(Wantingitand
Doing it)
He's older now, and he understands what he finds pleasurable. Matsuda looking up at him, eyes turned golden by the streetlight, shuddering and whispering half-words and sentences that don't make sense, hands thrown back above his head because Raito has told him to do so. Waiting, begging, pleading for release, for salvation, for that healing touch, and Raito does make him wait, crooning answers to prayers, invoking divine love, laying his hands on hot skin and then leaning forward to whisper and bite at Matsuda's throat and shoulders and -
This is all right. This is safe. He could never show Misa this side of himself, she would know what a weapon she had. Matsuda is safe. Matsuda is too stupid to read people the way L would have, and won't make the connection between worship and Kira. And Matsuda thinks the best of everyone and has no self-control and so Raito will never tarnish his image, will never be branded desperate or perverted and will never be enslaved by desires that he almost knows he doesn't have.