Fandoms 18 and 19
[Title] Spades Heart Diamond
[Fandom] Homestuck
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Spades Slick/Diamonds Droog ficlet. Slick is really not sure he's okay with this.
Your name is Spades Slick, and you ain’t totally sure what this is. You ain’t never been much for matters of the heart. Or any of the other decks. Always had better things to think about, you know? Building a town up from nothing. Ruling the mean streets with a combination of strength and cunning and well-placed mindful violence. Liquorice Scottie dogs. That kind of thing. If it ain’t gonna end in stabbing, you probably ain’t interested.
Now, with Snowman, it’s gonna start with stabbing, both of yous know that. With her, it’s always gonna be a blade in the dark, it’s always gonna be going for the eyes, a kiss is always gonna draw blood. Been that way since always. You figured you ain’t got time for somethin’ else, what with that and the ruling-this-town and the mindful violence.
You and Droog countin’ out the takings after your latest heist. Droog’s the only one of these hoodlums you know can actually count, but don’t mean you trust him not to be skimmin’ off the top. Actually, thinking about it, you kind of do trust him not to be skimmin’ off the top, guy likes to think he’s got class. Pisses you off. Don’t mean he don’t got class but you don’t gotta like it. Always with a perfectly knotted necktie and unnecessarily sharp hat and never raising his voice. On the other hand, if he were as much of a shambles as Deuce and Boxcar you’da probably expired by now from sheer frustration. And he can count and he’s handy with a piece. Nothing compared to you, a’course. You’re both countin’ and drinking hooch you requisitioned from that Felt operation you turned over last week. Thinkin’ about it, that’s probably the reason. Why’d you have any faith that that bunch of fuckers had any idea about how to brew whisky? Why’d you even think of drinking it when ten to one you’d wake up hungover passed out in the gutter in another timeline altogether? Rookie error. Hey, maybe that’s it. Maybe it all happened - okay, maybe it’s all happening - in another timeline with another you who’s exchanged stabbing for pointless makeout sessions. Yeah. You’ll go with that.
You can’t pretend it ain’t satisfying ripping his clothes off him, though. Even if you still can’t get the bastard to raise his voice.
[Title] Life Finding a Way
[Fandom] Misfits / Jurassic Park
[Rating] PG-13, mainly for language
[Notes/Summary] They should never have trusted Nathan to behave at the safari park.
At the other end of the road, the Tyrannosaurus Rex threw back its head and screamed.
“Jesus,” Nathan said from the footwell of the driver’s seat. “Are they meant to do that? Does that mean it’s pissed off?”
“Shut up,” Alisha hissed at him from the back seat.
“I’m just saying.”
There was a thump loud enough to shake the ground. Followed by another.
“Oh, fuck,” Kelly said, hugging her knees to her chest. “It’s fucking coming this way, isn’t it.”
Nathan ducked up to glance out at the windscreen before Kelly yanked him back down into the footwell. “For fuck’s sake!”
“Maybe if we all keep still and quiet it’ll go away,” Alisha said, voice shaking.
“Nah, not gonna happen,” Nathan said. “It’s a hunter, after all. It’s gonna see the car and us inside and we're going to look like sausages in a can to it.” Another thump. “Yep, it’s coming this way.”
Alisha whimpered and started breathing into her cupped hands. Kelly swore several times at the passenger seat. Simon, huddled next to Alisha in the back, went even paler than he already was. Even Nathan swallowed and glanced nervously over his shoulder again.
“There’s no point all of us dying,” he said. “One of you needs to get out, run towards it. Be a decoy. It’s the only way.”
“One of us?” Alisha hissed. “Why not you? You’re the immortal one, remember?”
“I’m immortal when all the bits of me stay joined together. What if it doesn’t work if I get bitten in half? Or, what if only the parts of me that don’t get eaten come back to life? You could have my lower half following you round, guts all trailing out, you’d have to lead it around like it was a blind guy, and you’d never see my beautiful face again -”
“Yeah,” said Alisha, “but this whole thing is your fault -”
“It is not my fault, who builds a dinosaur park where all the dinosaurs can escape, it’s blatant health and safety negligence -”
“No,” Kelly said. “It’s your fault. ‘Cause you’re a dickhead who listened to that dodgy bloke in the pub. Like a twat.”
“He was offering me two hundred quid! Two hundred big ones for just bringing in a memory stick! I would’ve been a fool to turn it down, and if I hadn't done it someone else would've done. Anyway, this is no time to start blaming each other. Decoy, remember? Why don’t you draw straws?”
The other three tried to ignore him. Eventually, Simon said, “Even if one of us did make a run for it, it'd catch us up and... afterwards... then it'd probably come and investigate the car…”
“No, hey, you should do it,” Nathan said, leaning over the gearstick to point at him. “Invisibility will work on dinosaurs as well as anyone else, right? You can lead it a merry chase or something. Give us time to get away.”
“If it notices me enough to chase me,” Simon said, “then that’ll probably be because it can smell me. Which will mean it can track me just fine.”
“Well,” Nathan said, “it’ll be an honourable sacrifice for you. I mean, come on, what else have you got to live for? We’re your only friends, if we get eaten by a T-Rex your life will be meaningless. And maybe you won’t die, just like you haven't died so far despite all the shit we've gotten into. Maybe you’ll get past it, get back to the visitor’s centre, and then you can make Curtis rewind and we can come down with a conveniently-timed case of the shits that'll get us off Killer Lizard Park litter-picking duty.”
“Or you could not listen to the bloke in the pub,” Kelly said.
“Oh, no, I know how these things go. You have a Tyrannosaurus, sooner or later it'll be hunting down the general public. The only sure thing is not to show up at all. But in the meantime... you know, it'd be a big help if one of us could hotwire a car.”
“Shut up,” Kelly said.
“I mean, we’re convicted criminals and we can’t even nick a car, what's the point of having a criminal record if you can't use it to escape from rampaging dinosaurs...”
“They probably know what’s going on already,” Simon said. “At the visitors’ centre. I think they’ve probably noticed the way all the security's down and there are dinosaurs everywhere.”
“Maybe,” Alisha said, “maybe time’s gonna go all swooshy right now.”
There was a pause. The thumps were getting closer and closer.
“You know, Curtis’s power only kicks in when he really wants it to,” Nathan said. “Like if one of us makes an honourable sacrifice. We can’t depend on him. Or maybe he’s already been eaten. You’ve got to keep that in mind.”
Closer and closer.
“I knew this would be shit,” Kelly muttered. “Just like a school trip, and school trips were always shit.”
“You mean you knew it would be shit because Nathan was involved,” Alisha said. “Hey, new plan. We let the dinosaur eat Nathan first. While it's distracted, we run for it.”
Nathan gave her a hurt look, but neither Simon nor Kelly voiced any objection.
[Fandom] Homestuck
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Spades Slick/Diamonds Droog ficlet. Slick is really not sure he's okay with this.
Your name is Spades Slick, and you ain’t totally sure what this is. You ain’t never been much for matters of the heart. Or any of the other decks. Always had better things to think about, you know? Building a town up from nothing. Ruling the mean streets with a combination of strength and cunning and well-placed mindful violence. Liquorice Scottie dogs. That kind of thing. If it ain’t gonna end in stabbing, you probably ain’t interested.
Now, with Snowman, it’s gonna start with stabbing, both of yous know that. With her, it’s always gonna be a blade in the dark, it’s always gonna be going for the eyes, a kiss is always gonna draw blood. Been that way since always. You figured you ain’t got time for somethin’ else, what with that and the ruling-this-town and the mindful violence.
You and Droog countin’ out the takings after your latest heist. Droog’s the only one of these hoodlums you know can actually count, but don’t mean you trust him not to be skimmin’ off the top. Actually, thinking about it, you kind of do trust him not to be skimmin’ off the top, guy likes to think he’s got class. Pisses you off. Don’t mean he don’t got class but you don’t gotta like it. Always with a perfectly knotted necktie and unnecessarily sharp hat and never raising his voice. On the other hand, if he were as much of a shambles as Deuce and Boxcar you’da probably expired by now from sheer frustration. And he can count and he’s handy with a piece. Nothing compared to you, a’course. You’re both countin’ and drinking hooch you requisitioned from that Felt operation you turned over last week. Thinkin’ about it, that’s probably the reason. Why’d you have any faith that that bunch of fuckers had any idea about how to brew whisky? Why’d you even think of drinking it when ten to one you’d wake up hungover passed out in the gutter in another timeline altogether? Rookie error. Hey, maybe that’s it. Maybe it all happened - okay, maybe it’s all happening - in another timeline with another you who’s exchanged stabbing for pointless makeout sessions. Yeah. You’ll go with that.
You can’t pretend it ain’t satisfying ripping his clothes off him, though. Even if you still can’t get the bastard to raise his voice.
[Title] Life Finding a Way
[Fandom] Misfits / Jurassic Park
[Rating] PG-13, mainly for language
[Notes/Summary] They should never have trusted Nathan to behave at the safari park.
At the other end of the road, the Tyrannosaurus Rex threw back its head and screamed.
“Jesus,” Nathan said from the footwell of the driver’s seat. “Are they meant to do that? Does that mean it’s pissed off?”
“Shut up,” Alisha hissed at him from the back seat.
“I’m just saying.”
There was a thump loud enough to shake the ground. Followed by another.
“Oh, fuck,” Kelly said, hugging her knees to her chest. “It’s fucking coming this way, isn’t it.”
Nathan ducked up to glance out at the windscreen before Kelly yanked him back down into the footwell. “For fuck’s sake!”
“Maybe if we all keep still and quiet it’ll go away,” Alisha said, voice shaking.
“Nah, not gonna happen,” Nathan said. “It’s a hunter, after all. It’s gonna see the car and us inside and we're going to look like sausages in a can to it.” Another thump. “Yep, it’s coming this way.”
Alisha whimpered and started breathing into her cupped hands. Kelly swore several times at the passenger seat. Simon, huddled next to Alisha in the back, went even paler than he already was. Even Nathan swallowed and glanced nervously over his shoulder again.
“There’s no point all of us dying,” he said. “One of you needs to get out, run towards it. Be a decoy. It’s the only way.”
“One of us?” Alisha hissed. “Why not you? You’re the immortal one, remember?”
“I’m immortal when all the bits of me stay joined together. What if it doesn’t work if I get bitten in half? Or, what if only the parts of me that don’t get eaten come back to life? You could have my lower half following you round, guts all trailing out, you’d have to lead it around like it was a blind guy, and you’d never see my beautiful face again -”
“Yeah,” said Alisha, “but this whole thing is your fault -”
“It is not my fault, who builds a dinosaur park where all the dinosaurs can escape, it’s blatant health and safety negligence -”
“No,” Kelly said. “It’s your fault. ‘Cause you’re a dickhead who listened to that dodgy bloke in the pub. Like a twat.”
“He was offering me two hundred quid! Two hundred big ones for just bringing in a memory stick! I would’ve been a fool to turn it down, and if I hadn't done it someone else would've done. Anyway, this is no time to start blaming each other. Decoy, remember? Why don’t you draw straws?”
The other three tried to ignore him. Eventually, Simon said, “Even if one of us did make a run for it, it'd catch us up and... afterwards... then it'd probably come and investigate the car…”
“No, hey, you should do it,” Nathan said, leaning over the gearstick to point at him. “Invisibility will work on dinosaurs as well as anyone else, right? You can lead it a merry chase or something. Give us time to get away.”
“If it notices me enough to chase me,” Simon said, “then that’ll probably be because it can smell me. Which will mean it can track me just fine.”
“Well,” Nathan said, “it’ll be an honourable sacrifice for you. I mean, come on, what else have you got to live for? We’re your only friends, if we get eaten by a T-Rex your life will be meaningless. And maybe you won’t die, just like you haven't died so far despite all the shit we've gotten into. Maybe you’ll get past it, get back to the visitor’s centre, and then you can make Curtis rewind and we can come down with a conveniently-timed case of the shits that'll get us off Killer Lizard Park litter-picking duty.”
“Or you could not listen to the bloke in the pub,” Kelly said.
“Oh, no, I know how these things go. You have a Tyrannosaurus, sooner or later it'll be hunting down the general public. The only sure thing is not to show up at all. But in the meantime... you know, it'd be a big help if one of us could hotwire a car.”
“Shut up,” Kelly said.
“I mean, we’re convicted criminals and we can’t even nick a car, what's the point of having a criminal record if you can't use it to escape from rampaging dinosaurs...”
“They probably know what’s going on already,” Simon said. “At the visitors’ centre. I think they’ve probably noticed the way all the security's down and there are dinosaurs everywhere.”
“Maybe,” Alisha said, “maybe time’s gonna go all swooshy right now.”
There was a pause. The thumps were getting closer and closer.
“You know, Curtis’s power only kicks in when he really wants it to,” Nathan said. “Like if one of us makes an honourable sacrifice. We can’t depend on him. Or maybe he’s already been eaten. You’ve got to keep that in mind.”
Closer and closer.
“I knew this would be shit,” Kelly muttered. “Just like a school trip, and school trips were always shit.”
“You mean you knew it would be shit because Nathan was involved,” Alisha said. “Hey, new plan. We let the dinosaur eat Nathan first. While it's distracted, we run for it.”
Nathan gave her a hurt look, but neither Simon nor Kelly voiced any objection.