Fandom 33
[Title] Believing
[Fandom] Lewis/Afro-Ken
[Rating] PG, mention of suicide
[Notes/Summary] There are some things that happened after his wife's death that Lewis won't tell anyone.
Lewis would never tell anyone what had happened then.
There were a number of reasons for this. Firstly, things were better now, weren't they? No one needed to hear him go on about a bad time, not when he'd come through it alive and well. And it wasn't like he particularly wanted to remember it himself.
Secondly, no one needed to know that in the worst parts of the bad time he'd been taking too many walks that took him over railway lines and he'd never been thinking of doing anything, he'd just found himself... there and leaning on walls and looking over at the rails shining in the sun and stretching away and... just looking, really. And sometimes spotting those notices the Samaritans put up and hating them because what could an anonymous voice on the end of a phone do to help, why did they think anything'd make this better?
And reminding himself that dying that way'd be a bloody nightmare for the driver and snarl up the train times and make more work for everyone and if, if, then he should at least have the decency not to inconvenience people.
See, no one needed to hear he'd ever had these kind of thoughts.
And thirdly...
It had been very bad and he'd been close enough to maybe, maybe thinking of seeing whether there was a gap in the trees down to the rail, just like a walk, just exploring like you'd do as a kid, when a dog appeared, running down the pavement. Lewis froze like he actually had been caught doing something stupid, and he glanced round for an owner, and then he looked back at the dog and he saw that it - it had a mane. Big bushy head of hair, all rainbow-coloured, like one of those wigs you saw in fancy dress shops.
He stared at it and it looked back at him and smiled and then it turned and started to run away and Lewis called after it, “Here! Here, boy!” thinking it must have got out because there was no owner, no one else on the road at all but him. The dog didn't stop, and he ran after it, thinking as he went that he must've been mistaken about the wig, that no dog had rainbow fur (although Oxford had a lot of bizarre things nowhere else did) and, deep down, wondering if this was it, if the drink and the staring at railway lines had finally made him crack.
By the time he stopped, the dog had vanished, but he was halfway back home, and the bafflement at what he'd seen meant walking through the front door distracted him from the usual dull ache that the house was empty.
No one would believe any of that, would they? So he kept it to himself.
[Fandom] Lewis/Afro-Ken
[Rating] PG, mention of suicide
[Notes/Summary] There are some things that happened after his wife's death that Lewis won't tell anyone.
Lewis would never tell anyone what had happened then.
There were a number of reasons for this. Firstly, things were better now, weren't they? No one needed to hear him go on about a bad time, not when he'd come through it alive and well. And it wasn't like he particularly wanted to remember it himself.
Secondly, no one needed to know that in the worst parts of the bad time he'd been taking too many walks that took him over railway lines and he'd never been thinking of doing anything, he'd just found himself... there and leaning on walls and looking over at the rails shining in the sun and stretching away and... just looking, really. And sometimes spotting those notices the Samaritans put up and hating them because what could an anonymous voice on the end of a phone do to help, why did they think anything'd make this better?
And reminding himself that dying that way'd be a bloody nightmare for the driver and snarl up the train times and make more work for everyone and if, if, then he should at least have the decency not to inconvenience people.
See, no one needed to hear he'd ever had these kind of thoughts.
And thirdly...
It had been very bad and he'd been close enough to maybe, maybe thinking of seeing whether there was a gap in the trees down to the rail, just like a walk, just exploring like you'd do as a kid, when a dog appeared, running down the pavement. Lewis froze like he actually had been caught doing something stupid, and he glanced round for an owner, and then he looked back at the dog and he saw that it - it had a mane. Big bushy head of hair, all rainbow-coloured, like one of those wigs you saw in fancy dress shops.
He stared at it and it looked back at him and smiled and then it turned and started to run away and Lewis called after it, “Here! Here, boy!” thinking it must have got out because there was no owner, no one else on the road at all but him. The dog didn't stop, and he ran after it, thinking as he went that he must've been mistaken about the wig, that no dog had rainbow fur (although Oxford had a lot of bizarre things nowhere else did) and, deep down, wondering if this was it, if the drink and the staring at railway lines had finally made him crack.
By the time he stopped, the dog had vanished, but he was halfway back home, and the bafflement at what he'd seen meant walking through the front door distracted him from the usual dull ache that the house was empty.
No one would believe any of that, would they? So he kept it to himself.