Fandom 28: Matilda
[Title] Childhood Fears
[Fandom] Roald Dahl's Matilda
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Miss Honey reflects on motherhood.
In a lot of ways, Matilda being so clever helped.
Hadn't wanted to think about having children. Known she could barely support herself and couldn't ever support a child and that had hurt. Had put away all her hopes of being a mother. Stupid, dangerous thoughts.
Matilda tended not to ask for things she knew she shouldn't have, and while there was a book in the house could never be bored enough to do silly things, and had learnt long ago not to whine about food or clothes or anything, really. And when they talked - which they did, often - it was almost as if Matilda was a bright, sheltered eighteen-year-old to whom the idea of rebellion for rebellion's sake had never occurred. Of course, even that wasn't quite true.
Had been frightened, sometimes, that she might get herself pregnant in a gesture of defiance. Had known that if she did so, it might well be the last thing she ever did, that it would certainly destroy her career. Hated herself for being scared and for being stupid.
And when they did disagree - on Matilda reading after lights out, or innocently pretending to have already washed behind her ears (she didn't lie much, but she was good at it, she knew how to manipulate but she hadn't quite taken in what you could do with that) - there was relatively little shouting, and practically no temper tantrums.
Had been glad that she would probably never had a child.
Had told herself that she'd grown up with a loving family and the bad things had only begun relatively late on in her childhood. Read up on the subject and reminded herself that it was the early years that laid the foundation. Pleaded with herself that it might help, that surely remembering her own terror would stop her -
- would stop her -
She always kept her voice low and firm and stern when she was angry, as if they were both still in the classroom. Was always sorry when there were arguments. And never shouted. And never, never hit.
Perhaps Matilda would work it out, as she got older, would know what her beloved teacher was so afraid of. But Miss Honey hoped that she wouldn't. Sometimes it was better not to know the answers.
[Fandom] Roald Dahl's Matilda
[Rating] PG
[Notes/Summary] Miss Honey reflects on motherhood.
In a lot of ways, Matilda being so clever helped.
Hadn't wanted to think about having children. Known she could barely support herself and couldn't ever support a child and that had hurt. Had put away all her hopes of being a mother. Stupid, dangerous thoughts.
Matilda tended not to ask for things she knew she shouldn't have, and while there was a book in the house could never be bored enough to do silly things, and had learnt long ago not to whine about food or clothes or anything, really. And when they talked - which they did, often - it was almost as if Matilda was a bright, sheltered eighteen-year-old to whom the idea of rebellion for rebellion's sake had never occurred. Of course, even that wasn't quite true.
Had been frightened, sometimes, that she might get herself pregnant in a gesture of defiance. Had known that if she did so, it might well be the last thing she ever did, that it would certainly destroy her career. Hated herself for being scared and for being stupid.
And when they did disagree - on Matilda reading after lights out, or innocently pretending to have already washed behind her ears (she didn't lie much, but she was good at it, she knew how to manipulate but she hadn't quite taken in what you could do with that) - there was relatively little shouting, and practically no temper tantrums.
Had been glad that she would probably never had a child.
Had told herself that she'd grown up with a loving family and the bad things had only begun relatively late on in her childhood. Read up on the subject and reminded herself that it was the early years that laid the foundation. Pleaded with herself that it might help, that surely remembering her own terror would stop her -
- would stop her -
She always kept her voice low and firm and stern when she was angry, as if they were both still in the classroom. Was always sorry when there were arguments. And never shouted. And never, never hit.
Perhaps Matilda would work it out, as she got older, would know what her beloved teacher was so afraid of. But Miss Honey hoped that she wouldn't. Sometimes it was better not to know the answers.