He stares at the question for a while. Types something. Deletes it. Rewords it and deletes it again. Types something completely different. Double-checks that everything is securely locked and then deletes the whole sentence.
Finally he types:
I woke up in the forest and someone said he took a mask off my face.
*He sends that. Then stares off into space for a bit. Even Vector is concerned in his own crocodile way. Climbing onto Tim's lap and making croaking noises. Though he could just be hungry*
Are you okay though? Not hurt right?
You'll probably want to sit in the dark for a while. It normally hurts. When that happens.
Don't mind Alex's long silence; he's just fighting off a fucking panic attack or something over here. It's the shovel bit that got him. Well, the attempted murder bit more accurately. Isn't it nice that they're speaking via text and Tim can't see the whites of Alex's eyes?
Okay, he's able to type again now.
Are you alright? I'm sorry. I don't remember. I don't know what happened.
He stops himself from typing a hundred excuses. Tim knows the deal of being masked, he knows that you're not in control. From the way Alex's mind keeps darting back to the blood on his hands and coat, Tim's not the one who most needs to be reminded of that fact.
Alex is going to have to take a moment to digest all this.
No, more moments than that. Quite a few more.
No part of what Tim's saying is not awful, but it's the first part that he's sticking on, the part where someone's (horribly horribly) dead, most likely because of him. Again.
Was it somebody I know?
He's making quite the habit of writing things and then not sending them for ages after.
Yeah, there's something disrespectful about sticking to text. And, now that Tim's switched over, something suspicious as well. Alex could be okay and just so happening to use text, but resisting using something else? That throws his composure into question.
Who the hell is he kidding? Tim obviously has no illusions about Alex being okay. And all the text is doing is letting him pretend he can hide.
He doesn't know that many people. He's suddenly terrified.
Alex forces his breathing to slow, then turns on the microphone so that Tim can hear him.
"Just tell me."
His voice gets gummed up in his throat and comes out all wrong, all juddery. Goddamnit. Goddamnit.
*Tim's debating about going over there anyway. It's one thing to say you're ready. It's a whole other thing to find out you just killed your best friend. Tim had a taste of that when he stabbed Poland, but even though he likes him and all, he doesn't know Poland the way Alex and J know each other.
An actual friendship from back home. Fuck. He hates to be the person to break this news to him.*
Alex.....
*He sighs. He should just get this over with. Alex wants to know. No Alex... He needs to know. And that's different. Someone should have told Tim a long time ago about this, he's not gonna hold out on Alex.*
There's a small gasp from the other end of the feed. Then Alex turns his microphone off. He's still on the line, but he's inaudible.
He has to be inaudible because he can't stop making those horrible breathless gasps. They're shaking his chest like he's a drowning man gulping at the air. His hands are both over his face, and the fingers are getting wet.
It was J. And he isn't really surprised. He's horrified, but somehow he isn't surprised.
*Tim wants to ask if he's okay. Wants to say.. something. Anything.
But there's really nothing to say.
Alex isn't stupid, he knows J will be back. That doesn't make it better. In a way, it almost makes it worse. Someday in the future J and Alex are going to have to interact, and their friendship will never be the same.
Tim sighs heavily and rakes his hair with his hands. He's silent for a long time. A very long time. But eventually something has to break the silence.*
Alex I'm.. I'm so sorry.
I should have...
*Should have what? He didn't know. Something. Should have immobilized Alex when he had the chance? Protected J? Not been an idiot and actually REALIZED that Alex and J would be the focus for the Operator. Well. It was too late now.*
I'm sorry.
*If he says it enough, maybe it'll actually mean something.*
We'll be honest: J and Alex's friendship has suffered a lot of never being the same already. But it's always boiled down to outside factors, or to things that ordinary fights are made of, misunderstandings and selfishness and stuff that's so tiny in comparison to murder.
Crying feels so useless.
A long long time after he turned off the microphone, he types:
Thank you for telling me.
It's impenetrable and emotionless and that's exactly the way he intends it.
Yeah. I'm always here. Come over anytime.
Except you know, when I'm not.
*Because if he texts that no one can tell how fucking terrified he is right now.*
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Can we talk like this
And not just because he doesn't feel up to walking umpteen hundred doors down the corridor.
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*There is so much more he wants to say. But he just.... he just can't right now.*
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Finally he types:
I woke up in the forest and someone said he took a mask off my face.
And he stares at it for a long time.
And he hits send, his stomach twisting.
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And then you tried to murder me with a shovel.
*He sends that. Then stares off into space for a bit. Even Vector is concerned in his own crocodile way. Climbing onto Tim's lap and making croaking noises. Though he could just be hungry*
Are you okay though? Not hurt right?
You'll probably want to sit in the dark for a while. It normally hurts. When that happens.
Water helps.
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Okay, he's able to type again now.
Are you alright?
I'm sorry.
I don't remember.
I don't know what happened.
He stops himself from typing a hundred excuses. Tim knows the deal of being masked, he knows that you're not in control. From the way Alex's mind keeps darting back to the blood on his hands and coat, Tim's not the one who most needs to be reminded of that fact.
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Do you want to know what happened?
Sometimes it's better to not know.
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When I woke up, on my coat.
And on my hands.
If I hurt someone I shou#
*should
He grits his teeth, tries to type with more measure.
Did I hurt someone?
If he did, it won't help him to know. But avoiding it won't mean it didn't happen either.
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Someone is dead. But I don't know if you killed him.
Mark said there was more than one in a mask. A woman too. I don't know how many.
*He hesitates. Then figures.. Alex needs to know. Tim would want to know.*
I found you out in the forest. And you were digging.
Digging graves.
And then I tried to pull rank on you and give me the shovel. But you hit me with it and ran off.
Then when you came back you started ...
You threw a bunch of dismembered limbs at us.
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No, more moments than that. Quite a few more.
No part of what Tim's saying is not awful, but it's the first part that he's sticking on, the part where someone's (horribly horribly) dead, most likely because of him. Again.
Was it somebody I know?
He's making quite the habit of writing things and then not sending them for ages after.
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Yes.
Are you sure you want --
*He sends the half done message by accident and then opens an audio feed.*
Are you sure you're up to this? I can... I can come over there.
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Who the hell is he kidding? Tim obviously has no illusions about Alex being okay. And all the text is doing is letting him pretend he can hide.
He doesn't know that many people. He's suddenly terrified.
Alex forces his breathing to slow, then turns on the microphone so that Tim can hear him.
"Just tell me."
His voice gets gummed up in his throat and comes out all wrong, all juddery. Goddamnit. Goddamnit.
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An actual friendship from back home. Fuck. He hates to be the person to break this news to him.*
Alex.....
*He sighs. He should just get this over with. Alex wants to know. No Alex... He needs to know. And that's different. Someone should have told Tim a long time ago about this, he's not gonna hold out on Alex.*
It was J.
*He grits his teeth and waits to be hung up on.*
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He has to be inaudible because he can't stop making those horrible breathless gasps. They're shaking his chest like he's a drowning man gulping at the air. His hands are both over his face, and the fingers are getting wet.
It was J. And he isn't really surprised. He's horrified, but somehow he isn't surprised.
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But there's really nothing to say.
Alex isn't stupid, he knows J will be back. That doesn't make it better. In a way, it almost makes it worse. Someday in the future J and Alex are going to have to interact, and their friendship will never be the same.
Tim sighs heavily and rakes his hair with his hands. He's silent for a long time. A very long time. But eventually something has to break the silence.*
Alex I'm.. I'm so sorry.
I should have...
*Should have what? He didn't know. Something. Should have immobilized Alex when he had the chance? Protected J? Not been an idiot and actually REALIZED that Alex and J would be the focus for the Operator. Well. It was too late now.*
I'm sorry.
*If he says it enough, maybe it'll actually mean something.*
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Crying feels so useless.
A long long time after he turned off the microphone, he types:
Thank you for telling me.
It's impenetrable and emotionless and that's exactly the way he intends it.
Reply
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