The long-awaited hookah tutorial
Hello boys and girls! Welcome to the fabulous world of hookah smoking!
I am, by no means, an expert on the subject, but I'm here to share my personal tips and tricks on how to pack that shit, light that shit, and smoke that shit. I couldn't find any tutorials on how to do this properly when I first got my hookah, and had to figure it out by trial and error. Here's hoping I can save you the pain.
This is my hookah, and the box that I bought to store all my tobacco, foil, charcoal, spare parts, and hoses that aren't currently in use.
It's best to disassemble and clean your hookah before and after each use. Hookah tobacco is pretty gooey if left to its own devices, and it's best to clean it up before it has a chance to get nasty. Also, I sincerely doubt that the hookah will be your primary method of tobacco consumption, so even if you cleaned it after the previous use, it's best to give it a good once-over before smoking. To start, disassemble the hookah.
Here's the same parts labeled with the names by which I refer to them. Maybe they're the proper names. Or not.
Here's the smaller necessary bits we'll be working with.
Top: bowl.
Left to right:
Bowl gaskets--One brand new, one well worn. Contrary to common sense, the older and more "melty" the gasket, the better it seals, and the more stable the bowl remains. If it gets too thin or warped, replace it.
"Courtesy cap"--placed over the mouthpiece of the hose when you aren't going to be smoking for a few minutes, and don't feel like capping the hose with your thumb. It keeps your fellow smokers from inverting their lungs trying to get a decent drag. Also, if you have a multi-hose hookah and remove one of the flanges (or some dumbass cross-threads and breaks one off, grr), they can cover the point where the flange attaches to the stem.
Rubber stopper--plugs the flanges that aren't currently in use. Can be a real bitch to remove if they get jammed too far in there.
Hose gasket--placed over the end of the hose that is inserted into the flange for an airtight seal. Same philosophy applies here as with the bowl gasket.
Next, on to the Hookah Smoker's Box-o-Fun!
I found this for pretty cheap at Ross. It stores all my tobacco, utensils, and spare parts.
Here's everything pulled out so you can get a good look at the contents.
Besides the tobacco, these are the most vital bits:
Left to right:
Bag o' spare gaskets, stoppers, caps, and charcoal
Roll of aluminum foil
Roll of charcoal
Tongs used for holding, lighting, and transporting hot coals. A set comes with pretty much every hookah, but they are vital if you do not enjoy being burned by hot coals.
Also necessary are implements of poking. I found this wee screwdriver while cleaning up my kitchen, and it works pretty nicely to create slightly-larger-than-safety-pin-sized holes in the foil. However, I've been relying on this poor, distressed safety pin since we got the hookah in March, and it does the trick just fine.
And just for fun, a brief illustration of why I love www.hookahhub.com so much...this is their premium sampler pack, which sells for $34. It's pretty much every flavor out there. Perfect for the indecisive or adventurous.
Now, on to the actual setup!
I always start by rinsing my hoses. It's best if you rinse them immediatly after smoking for the aforementioned reasons, but dust seems to collect in them for whatever reason, so it's best to rinse them right before smoking, too.
Do you really want this in your mouth?
That's all the ash, dust, and various crap that I blew out of the hose before rinsing it. My counter tops are totally white. So yuck.
Ready to feel awfully silly?
Drape the hose around your shoulders like a friendly pet snake. Line the stem-end of the hose up with the faucet. Get as much of the hose vertical as possible.
Not the best illustration of the vertical-ness, but I'm sure you get the point.
Now, by the magic of physics...
Carefully raise the end containing the water high over your head so the water drains through the hose, out of the mouthpiece, and into the sink. Repeat 2-3 times on that end, then turn it around and rinse it mouthpiece end-to-flange end. Don't feel stupid if you wind up with a wet armpit the first time or two. It happens to the best of us.
Hang the hoses somewhere to dry, preferably in folded over like this. You'll probably have a bit of drippage to clean up, but it's a small price to pay.
Next, it's time to clean the base. After a few uses, a ring will start to build up around the water line at the bottom of the neck. It doesn't go away, but it's best to keep it in check. A lovely set of cleaning brushes came with my hookah, and will likely come with yours, but my asshole ex-roommates managed to lose them for me somewhere in my house. Never fear, Shamwow is here!
Wrap any cloth around a wooden spoon, and you should be able to get to the majority of the buildup.
Now that the base is nice and clean, go ahead and fill it up with some ice. I like to go ahead and put the ice in there a few minutes before the water because it makes the base nice and frosty...cooler glass=cooler smoke=smoother smoke. The only time I don't do this is if it's pretty warm inside and the ice will likely melt together and form a huge, useless glob that I can't jam the stem through.
Now it's time for the fun part!
First, I use a square of foil to make a screen, or bowl condom, for the more dirty minded amongst you.
Press the foil firmly into the bowl so that it conforms to the shape of the bowl, and cautiously form it to the sides of the bowl. The less pulling, the less space between the foil and the bowl, and the more perfect the fit, the better.
Once you've got the foil fitted to the bowl, scrunch the foil around the neck of the bowl, taking care to preserve the shape of the foil inside the bowl. This step is a pain in the ass at first, but gets easier with practice.
If you're feeling stabby, this is definitely the time and the place. Get the aforementioned stabbing utensil of choice, and poke through all the holes in the bowl. The placement is usually like a 5-pointed star with one hole in the middle, though they tend to be slightly irregular. Be persistent, and you'll find 'em all.
Proper stabbing technique:
A properly stabbed foil screen:
Now, it's time to pick your flavor. These are some of my favorites.
Honey, Strawberry, Espresso, Rose, Passion Fruit, Jasmine, Blueberry, Mango
It's best to choose a single flavor or mix two complementary flavors. Three can be good too, but any more than that and you'll have sweet though indistinctly flavored tobacco. My personal favorite is Honey and Rose mixed, so here we go.
Layer 1: Honey
Layer 2: Rose
Note: This is a full bowl, suitable for four people. The bowl should be full, or less than full with all the holes covered, and not heaped. I should have packed half that amount for just the BF and I, but felt the concept of "full bowl" needed to be demonstrated.
Next, take another square of foil, same size as the one used for the foil screen, and cover the tobacco.
Squash the foil down around the neck of the bowl, just like with the foil screen.
This step probably seems a little silly and superfluous, but if you place a hot coal directly on the tobacco, you will have singed, black, tarry tobacco, a house full of disgusting-smelling acrid smoke, and an unsmokable, choke-inducing hookah. Remember the aforementioned trial and error process? Just ask me how I know.
Time to get stabby again. This time, just poke a bunch of holes all over the foil. The more the better, as long as they stay small. Good airflow is key.
Here's how it should look:
Now it's time for things to start coming together. Go ahead and fill up your base with water. Liqueurs can also be used, but I haven't experimented with those yet, so I'll save that for another post.
Insert the stem into the base. Press down firmly, and twist about half a turn.
Add the catch-tray. It usually just drops on.
Slide your bowl gasket on top:
Then add your bowl. When you first get your hookah, the bowl probably won't feel steady or secure at all. Just get it on there the best you can. If you're terrified of it falling off in transport and scattering hot coals, go ahead and move the hookah to the location where you'll be using it at this point. Once your bowl gasket is a little more worn-in, this won't be a problem.
Now, it's time to add a collar to the bowl. The collar serves two purposes: Restricting airflow so the charcoal doesn't burn out too rapidly (and so the airflow is channeled directly to the charcoal), and keeping the charcoal in place on top of the bowl. Tear off a piece of foil about 4" wider than your bowl is tall.
Scrunch it around the neck of the bowl as you wrap it around, making sure to leave the top open so you can get the charcoal in there.
Somehow, I managed to not get a picture of the completed collar, but I'm sure you're smart enough to figure it out, and you'll forgive this transgression.
Next, grab your hoses and give them a mighty blowing-out. This dislodges any remaining water or debris.
Put a gasket on the flange end of the hose, and insert into the flange.
Almost there! It's time to light the charcoal. If you aren't familiar with self-lighting charcoal, do this over the sink. Grasp the charcoal with the tongs and light it with a lighter or mini butane torch. USE THE DAMN TONGS. Being accustomed to the finer-grained, more well-behaved incense charcoal, I lit the self-lighting charcoal used with hookahs in my hand exactly once. It popped and shot off sparks and burned the piss out of me and I wound up squealing like a girl and flinging it into the sink, where I was able to wash it down the drain and start over. The 2-3" afforded by the tongs make all the difference in the world.
Next, blow on the charcoal to make sure it lights fully and is glowing red on the majority of the outside edge. The inside will light on its own eventually.
Drop it down inside the foil collar, taking care not to destroy the collar in the process. Be gentle, the charcoal is pretty delicate at this point. Try to get it exactly where you want it so you don't have to move it around.
Make sure it's centered.
Then slightly scrunch the top of the foil collar. Not enough to close it off or impede airflow, just enough to make a slight dome over the coal. Place your tongs in the catch tray in case adjustments need to be made to the coal while smoking.
That's it, you're ready to go! To get the coal to light the tobacco, exhale all the air from your lungs, then inhale as hard and as fast as you can. If you have multiple hoses, get a buddy or two to help you. Make sure that anyone who isn't helping you light the tobacco has their hose capped to create a vacuum.
Also, the charcoal will likely go out before the tobacco is spent. Just knock the ashes off to the side, light another wafer, and drop it in. You *can* use two coals at once, but I've determined that they burn out just as fast.
My camera's battery died right at this point, so consider this a work in progress. More pics will be added of the hookah in its full glory, plus some smoking enjoyment.
Until then, ponder these hookah etiquette tips:
*If using a single-hose hookah with more than three people, always pass to the left to maintain a steady rotation.
*If smoking with three or more people, don't all try to hit it at the same time once you've got it lit. You'll wind up sucking the air out of each others' lungs. Two people can hit it simultaneously, but three or more is painful.
*Keep your mouthpiece capped with your thumb any time you're not actually taking a drag. If you need to take a break from smoking, put a cap on your mouthpiece, or remove your hose and insert a rubber stopper in the flange.
*For the love of all that's holy, be mindful of your feet, legs, arms, hands, elbows, etc., both while smoking, and if you have to get up and move around while smoking. Hookahs aren't the most aerodynamic things, and can be knocked over pretty easily. I've seen it happen, and my former house has burns in the carpet to prove it. Not pretty or fun.
When you're done smoking, even if the hookah has been sitting idle for awhile, be cautious removing the bowl. It may likely still be incredibly hot, especially if you have a stainless steel bowl like mine. Always dump the charcoal in the sink or a heavy ash tray before removing the foil and tobacco. If you remove all the layers of foil at once directly over the trash can (after verifying that they've cooled off, of course), you can avoid much mess and heartache.
For best results, disassemble and rinse your hookah immediately (well, within 2-3 hours) after smoking while the tobacco juices are still runny. You can store the hoses wherever, as long as you don't kink them or put heavy things on them. The best way is to store them hanging, like in the picture above where they're hanging off my fruit basket. The less dust and crap that builds up in them, the less crap you have to wash out next time you're ready to smoke.
So, Photobucket is being a bitch and not rotating pics that I've already rotated, and I noticed a few other little errors. I'm going to go ahead and post this, but know that it will be fixed/completed sometime when it's not 4am and I don't have a belly fully of sherry.
Happy smoking!
I am, by no means, an expert on the subject, but I'm here to share my personal tips and tricks on how to pack that shit, light that shit, and smoke that shit. I couldn't find any tutorials on how to do this properly when I first got my hookah, and had to figure it out by trial and error. Here's hoping I can save you the pain.
This is my hookah, and the box that I bought to store all my tobacco, foil, charcoal, spare parts, and hoses that aren't currently in use.
It's best to disassemble and clean your hookah before and after each use. Hookah tobacco is pretty gooey if left to its own devices, and it's best to clean it up before it has a chance to get nasty. Also, I sincerely doubt that the hookah will be your primary method of tobacco consumption, so even if you cleaned it after the previous use, it's best to give it a good once-over before smoking. To start, disassemble the hookah.
Here's the same parts labeled with the names by which I refer to them. Maybe they're the proper names. Or not.
Here's the smaller necessary bits we'll be working with.
Top: bowl.
Left to right:
Bowl gaskets--One brand new, one well worn. Contrary to common sense, the older and more "melty" the gasket, the better it seals, and the more stable the bowl remains. If it gets too thin or warped, replace it.
"Courtesy cap"--placed over the mouthpiece of the hose when you aren't going to be smoking for a few minutes, and don't feel like capping the hose with your thumb. It keeps your fellow smokers from inverting their lungs trying to get a decent drag. Also, if you have a multi-hose hookah and remove one of the flanges (or some dumbass cross-threads and breaks one off, grr), they can cover the point where the flange attaches to the stem.
Rubber stopper--plugs the flanges that aren't currently in use. Can be a real bitch to remove if they get jammed too far in there.
Hose gasket--placed over the end of the hose that is inserted into the flange for an airtight seal. Same philosophy applies here as with the bowl gasket.
Next, on to the Hookah Smoker's Box-o-Fun!
I found this for pretty cheap at Ross. It stores all my tobacco, utensils, and spare parts.
Here's everything pulled out so you can get a good look at the contents.
Besides the tobacco, these are the most vital bits:
Left to right:
Bag o' spare gaskets, stoppers, caps, and charcoal
Roll of aluminum foil
Roll of charcoal
Tongs used for holding, lighting, and transporting hot coals. A set comes with pretty much every hookah, but they are vital if you do not enjoy being burned by hot coals.
Also necessary are implements of poking. I found this wee screwdriver while cleaning up my kitchen, and it works pretty nicely to create slightly-larger-than-safety-pin-sized holes in the foil. However, I've been relying on this poor, distressed safety pin since we got the hookah in March, and it does the trick just fine.
And just for fun, a brief illustration of why I love www.hookahhub.com so much...this is their premium sampler pack, which sells for $34. It's pretty much every flavor out there. Perfect for the indecisive or adventurous.
Now, on to the actual setup!
I always start by rinsing my hoses. It's best if you rinse them immediatly after smoking for the aforementioned reasons, but dust seems to collect in them for whatever reason, so it's best to rinse them right before smoking, too.
Do you really want this in your mouth?
That's all the ash, dust, and various crap that I blew out of the hose before rinsing it. My counter tops are totally white. So yuck.
Ready to feel awfully silly?
Drape the hose around your shoulders like a friendly pet snake. Line the stem-end of the hose up with the faucet. Get as much of the hose vertical as possible.
Not the best illustration of the vertical-ness, but I'm sure you get the point.
Now, by the magic of physics...
Carefully raise the end containing the water high over your head so the water drains through the hose, out of the mouthpiece, and into the sink. Repeat 2-3 times on that end, then turn it around and rinse it mouthpiece end-to-flange end. Don't feel stupid if you wind up with a wet armpit the first time or two. It happens to the best of us.
Hang the hoses somewhere to dry, preferably in folded over like this. You'll probably have a bit of drippage to clean up, but it's a small price to pay.
Next, it's time to clean the base. After a few uses, a ring will start to build up around the water line at the bottom of the neck. It doesn't go away, but it's best to keep it in check. A lovely set of cleaning brushes came with my hookah, and will likely come with yours, but my asshole ex-roommates managed to lose them for me somewhere in my house. Never fear, Shamwow is here!
Wrap any cloth around a wooden spoon, and you should be able to get to the majority of the buildup.
Now that the base is nice and clean, go ahead and fill it up with some ice. I like to go ahead and put the ice in there a few minutes before the water because it makes the base nice and frosty...cooler glass=cooler smoke=smoother smoke. The only time I don't do this is if it's pretty warm inside and the ice will likely melt together and form a huge, useless glob that I can't jam the stem through.
Now it's time for the fun part!
First, I use a square of foil to make a screen, or bowl condom, for the more dirty minded amongst you.
Press the foil firmly into the bowl so that it conforms to the shape of the bowl, and cautiously form it to the sides of the bowl. The less pulling, the less space between the foil and the bowl, and the more perfect the fit, the better.
Once you've got the foil fitted to the bowl, scrunch the foil around the neck of the bowl, taking care to preserve the shape of the foil inside the bowl. This step is a pain in the ass at first, but gets easier with practice.
If you're feeling stabby, this is definitely the time and the place. Get the aforementioned stabbing utensil of choice, and poke through all the holes in the bowl. The placement is usually like a 5-pointed star with one hole in the middle, though they tend to be slightly irregular. Be persistent, and you'll find 'em all.
Proper stabbing technique:
A properly stabbed foil screen:
Now, it's time to pick your flavor. These are some of my favorites.
Honey, Strawberry, Espresso, Rose, Passion Fruit, Jasmine, Blueberry, Mango
It's best to choose a single flavor or mix two complementary flavors. Three can be good too, but any more than that and you'll have sweet though indistinctly flavored tobacco. My personal favorite is Honey and Rose mixed, so here we go.
Layer 1: Honey
Layer 2: Rose
Note: This is a full bowl, suitable for four people. The bowl should be full, or less than full with all the holes covered, and not heaped. I should have packed half that amount for just the BF and I, but felt the concept of "full bowl" needed to be demonstrated.
Next, take another square of foil, same size as the one used for the foil screen, and cover the tobacco.
Squash the foil down around the neck of the bowl, just like with the foil screen.
This step probably seems a little silly and superfluous, but if you place a hot coal directly on the tobacco, you will have singed, black, tarry tobacco, a house full of disgusting-smelling acrid smoke, and an unsmokable, choke-inducing hookah. Remember the aforementioned trial and error process? Just ask me how I know.
Time to get stabby again. This time, just poke a bunch of holes all over the foil. The more the better, as long as they stay small. Good airflow is key.
Here's how it should look:
Now it's time for things to start coming together. Go ahead and fill up your base with water. Liqueurs can also be used, but I haven't experimented with those yet, so I'll save that for another post.
Insert the stem into the base. Press down firmly, and twist about half a turn.
Add the catch-tray. It usually just drops on.
Slide your bowl gasket on top:
Then add your bowl. When you first get your hookah, the bowl probably won't feel steady or secure at all. Just get it on there the best you can. If you're terrified of it falling off in transport and scattering hot coals, go ahead and move the hookah to the location where you'll be using it at this point. Once your bowl gasket is a little more worn-in, this won't be a problem.
Now, it's time to add a collar to the bowl. The collar serves two purposes: Restricting airflow so the charcoal doesn't burn out too rapidly (and so the airflow is channeled directly to the charcoal), and keeping the charcoal in place on top of the bowl. Tear off a piece of foil about 4" wider than your bowl is tall.
Scrunch it around the neck of the bowl as you wrap it around, making sure to leave the top open so you can get the charcoal in there.
Somehow, I managed to not get a picture of the completed collar, but I'm sure you're smart enough to figure it out, and you'll forgive this transgression.
Next, grab your hoses and give them a mighty blowing-out. This dislodges any remaining water or debris.
Put a gasket on the flange end of the hose, and insert into the flange.
Almost there! It's time to light the charcoal. If you aren't familiar with self-lighting charcoal, do this over the sink. Grasp the charcoal with the tongs and light it with a lighter or mini butane torch. USE THE DAMN TONGS. Being accustomed to the finer-grained, more well-behaved incense charcoal, I lit the self-lighting charcoal used with hookahs in my hand exactly once. It popped and shot off sparks and burned the piss out of me and I wound up squealing like a girl and flinging it into the sink, where I was able to wash it down the drain and start over. The 2-3" afforded by the tongs make all the difference in the world.
Next, blow on the charcoal to make sure it lights fully and is glowing red on the majority of the outside edge. The inside will light on its own eventually.
Drop it down inside the foil collar, taking care not to destroy the collar in the process. Be gentle, the charcoal is pretty delicate at this point. Try to get it exactly where you want it so you don't have to move it around.
Make sure it's centered.
Then slightly scrunch the top of the foil collar. Not enough to close it off or impede airflow, just enough to make a slight dome over the coal. Place your tongs in the catch tray in case adjustments need to be made to the coal while smoking.
That's it, you're ready to go! To get the coal to light the tobacco, exhale all the air from your lungs, then inhale as hard and as fast as you can. If you have multiple hoses, get a buddy or two to help you. Make sure that anyone who isn't helping you light the tobacco has their hose capped to create a vacuum.
Also, the charcoal will likely go out before the tobacco is spent. Just knock the ashes off to the side, light another wafer, and drop it in. You *can* use two coals at once, but I've determined that they burn out just as fast.
My camera's battery died right at this point, so consider this a work in progress. More pics will be added of the hookah in its full glory, plus some smoking enjoyment.
Until then, ponder these hookah etiquette tips:
*If using a single-hose hookah with more than three people, always pass to the left to maintain a steady rotation.
*If smoking with three or more people, don't all try to hit it at the same time once you've got it lit. You'll wind up sucking the air out of each others' lungs. Two people can hit it simultaneously, but three or more is painful.
*Keep your mouthpiece capped with your thumb any time you're not actually taking a drag. If you need to take a break from smoking, put a cap on your mouthpiece, or remove your hose and insert a rubber stopper in the flange.
*For the love of all that's holy, be mindful of your feet, legs, arms, hands, elbows, etc., both while smoking, and if you have to get up and move around while smoking. Hookahs aren't the most aerodynamic things, and can be knocked over pretty easily. I've seen it happen, and my former house has burns in the carpet to prove it. Not pretty or fun.
When you're done smoking, even if the hookah has been sitting idle for awhile, be cautious removing the bowl. It may likely still be incredibly hot, especially if you have a stainless steel bowl like mine. Always dump the charcoal in the sink or a heavy ash tray before removing the foil and tobacco. If you remove all the layers of foil at once directly over the trash can (after verifying that they've cooled off, of course), you can avoid much mess and heartache.
For best results, disassemble and rinse your hookah immediately (well, within 2-3 hours) after smoking while the tobacco juices are still runny. You can store the hoses wherever, as long as you don't kink them or put heavy things on them. The best way is to store them hanging, like in the picture above where they're hanging off my fruit basket. The less dust and crap that builds up in them, the less crap you have to wash out next time you're ready to smoke.
So, Photobucket is being a bitch and not rotating pics that I've already rotated, and I noticed a few other little errors. I'm going to go ahead and post this, but know that it will be fixed/completed sometime when it's not 4am and I don't have a belly fully of sherry.
Happy smoking!