Metahistorigraphy

[3rdworldcinema]

Anna ( www.livejournal.com/users/klingrap ) has such a vivid sense of her history and often expresses this on LJ. I doubt my own personal historical sense is nearly as refined. If one personal epoch seems worlds way from another distant example it isn't because they are unrelated, but that their connection is blurred by the infinite chain of change that unfolds from one moment to the next. Theres a paralysis in this; I've found the existentalists endearing because they apprehend this notion of indefatiguable mutability and endeavor to gain mastery over it through the simple act of consciousness --its Hegelian in its naiveity regarding the (abstract) immanence of the incommensurable. Not that our footing along 'the path' is the result of external choreography, but still: there will always be wind, no matter how hard you resolve yourself to remain perfectly still. SO, I can map the relationship as well as any beret wearing commie in a Marxist Dialetic seminar, but theres the recondite white noise in every casual link; 'fate.' So while my life's constitution is that of my decisions, these were bred by the self(less) machinations of that beyond any sort of organic or inorganic machinery. If you've touched down in a place that nurtures a particular opinion which then parlays into a course of action, -- while your conscious velocity remains within your reigns -- the specifics of that inspirational 'place' are automous, a thing separate. I think so much of man's history is working toward invulnerability insofar as the fretful knowledge begat by his own reflexive form of cognizance. To be is fearful because we're able to know that we are thus are able to entertain its converse and a zillion other permutations apart from our present state; thus we mollify these anxious considerations by a assidious dissection of the now and gain a confidence in the validity of its nature insofar as our understanding of its intricate construction and our instinct to be impressed with anything constituted of so many layers, signifying, somehow, a sturdy thing.

I think we will forever be inadequate and somehow separate, but I Believe the nearest form of redemption resides among the reach, its luminous futility. Life is effort, living is ease.

I am a person and in retrospect -- via the act of retrospection -- I am dizzy.