I don't need alot but I need a little

[wickedslayer]

My hand clasped around Wesley's arm and he pretty much let me help him up the stairs. Thought for sure Angel'd be over here helpin' his boy make the climb but no. He was just standing there by the counter still

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[_wes_pryce_]

I leaned back against the headboard, watching her walk into the room. Even though there was hardly any light in here, thanks to a certain vampire feeling the needed to be able to get into the important rooms without problems, I had no problem noticing she had questions. Or perhaps something was bothering her. And that something of course would be a someone named Angel.

And I can't say I blame her for that. I'm worried myself. Angel has invented the art of brooding, but he's currently heaping more guilt on his shoulders then is needed. Then his rightfully his. In a way he's taking away the sacrifice all my friends make by blaming himself. In a way he's making their death, the lived they gave to protect the innocent, all about him again. All about Angel.

And this time I'm not letting him get away with it. I know all about guilt, I know all about how it can consume you until there's nothing left. And I've an idea Faith knows as well. We've both changed, but one thing stayed the same. We'd both do anything for Angel. So I had very little doubt what her question meant when she paced to the middle of the room and asked it.

"Could you perhaps elaborate on the 'all that' in your question? It's rather broad."

That didn't mean I was going to make it easy on her. I'm not sure what Angel wanted her to know, but she does have a right to hear answers to her questions. As long as she can ask the right ones.

[wickedslayer]

"Fuck you!" I instantly shot back at his dry little quip. "Do you need me to elaborate on that?"

He knew exactly what I was talkin' about, he just wanted to go round the long way with me. Well, I was fucking sick of it! I'd just dragged my ass all the way from Rome to L.A. not havin' one clue what I was up against. All I'd known was that Angel was somehow in trouble and I blew off everything else, to come help his undead ass out. What do I get when I finally come here? Everyone's fucking dead, Angel's suicidal, Wesley's near enough to death to scare the shit out of me and everyone's givin' me the run around. Fuck them! I deserved more than that, and this was probably the first time I could ever really claim that.

"I don't know what the hell is goin' on with you and Angel, or with you and Angel and the rest of the world but I'm sick of you guys not tellin' me straight up what the deal is. You didn't used to have a problem with that, Wes. Remember? Something about a rabid dog that shoulda been put down years ago? Where's the honesty now? Suddenly the blame shifts off of me and you're gonna be wicked sketchy? Drop the shit and tell me what the what is."

The words were outta my mouth before I could even think about what I was sayin'. Just runnin' off at the mouth like I always did, but I felt sort of entitled at this point. Standing in front of his bed with my hands clenched into two small fists I glared at him marvelling for only a second at how completely unphased he seemed by my outburst.

[_wes_pryce_]

I'm not sure what would amuse me more. Her thinking that little outburst would actually have an impact, or the fact that I just heard the word 'elaborate' come out of her mouth. I think the latter would amuse me were I not so tired. And those stupid pills are wearing off. I'm not taking any others, they make me foggy as well. And the way things are now? I need a clear mind.

Leaning back, I rub my hand over my the wound of my stomach. I can still feel the bandage clearly underneath my shirt. I don't think it quite hit me that I was close to dying. Again, I might add. Perhaps it's that 'again' that's making it impossible to let it have any impact at all. By now I've done the almost dying thing so many times, it's... It doesn't even phase me. And neither does Faith's little outburst.

"I fail to see what our little conversation back then has to do with what is going on here now, Faith. I just got out of the hospital, thank god, so I've no idea what's going on. I don't know what Angel told your or rather what he didn't tell you. I don't know what happened in that alley where we were supposed to meet. All I know is that I blundered the one task I was given and nearly died doing so as well. Should have died probably." I think a part of me, a big part of me, was ready to die that day. Went over there expecting and wanting to die. Wanting it to be over.

Sighing, I sit up again, swinging my legs over the legs over the edge. I get a feeling this is going to be one of those conversations where I need to pace. If she gets to pace, I can pace too. Ships passing in the night. "So yes, pardon me for asking you if you could please elaborate." Getting up, I press my hand on my stomach and walk over to the window. Dark out, I wonder where Angel went. I'm worried about him.

[wickedslayer]

Wasn't that just fucking like him! Gloss over the fact that Angel suddenly had a kid that I'd apparently never met before. That he and Angel had some weird fucking tension downstairs a little while ago. Like I wouldn't notice that? Did he really think I was that stupid? Actually, this was Wes. So it wouldn't surprise me that much if he really did think I was wicked dumb.

"Fine. Maybe whatever just happened downstairs with you and Soul Boy has nothin' to do with the pile of dead bodies stacked up in the alley outback but it's got something to do with everything else!" I exclaimed as he walked to the window to do his broody depressed thing. Fuck! It would be just my luck to get stuck in a hotel with these two. I was gonna end up beatin' the hell out of 'em before the day was even over. Well, probably just Angel actually.

Still, it was less boring than Rome. Which was pretty much my only other option at this point.

Taking a deep breath I decided it was time for me to curb that infamous rage. Take a pill, before I lost my cool on Wesley for real. Sittin' down on the edge of the bed, I let a long silence fall over both of us. It was almost kinda comforting in a really strange way.

Letting my eyes trail back over towards Wesley who staring morosely out into the dark night I sighed.

"Can you just tell me? Why's it gotta be a big secret anyway? If you guys are havin' little moments like that all the time, I'm gonna see 'em. And I did my part, ya know? I helped the team. Stopped your boy from damn near staking himself. Don't I at least get an explanation?"

[_wes_pryce_]

I kept looking out the window into the night. Faith's reflection glared at my back and I felt the corners of my mouth twitch a little. She was fighting to keep things under control and I was curious to see how long it would take her. I had no doubt that she could. False memories or not, it was still the same Faith. The same one that I had fought with to get Angel back.

The same one who gave Connor a...how did she call it? Whooping? Or something rather.

Which reminds me of my friends again. All dead. Gone, nothing left to bury even. Sighing I placed my hand on the window, letting the cool of the night seep into my skin. At least I wasn't dead. I had yet to figure out if I was grateful for that or not. And Faith is still talking. Glancing up, I frown at her reflection. My boy? Amusing remark that.

But she's right. She does deserve to know. It's not like it's really a secret now anyway is it? Sighing, I lean my head next to my hand and close my eyes. I'm so very, very tired of it all. I don't think I could handle if it Angel kept on going the way he was now. With the guilt eating him up and the threats to stake himself. He still had Connor to think about thank god.

"Let me give you the short version, Faith," I say tiredly, not moving away from my spot leaning against the window. I keep my eyes closed, the images of what happened playing before my eyes like some morbid techni color movie. I suppose I should be glad it's not coming with dolby surround as well.

"Darla and Angel had a child. Connor. I found a prophecy stating that 'the father would kills the son'. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't prove it wrong. So I, in my infinitive wisdom, took matters into my own hand. I took Connor away from Angel, but I was tricked. My throat was slashed and they took Connor away. Holtz, a man hellbent on revenge from Angelus' past, took him and the boy was forced to grow up in a hell dimension. He came back, tried to kill Angel, went mad and Angel, in his infinitive wisdom... Though it would be the best idea to join Wolfram and Hart and have everyone's memory wiped to make it that Connor never existed."

Of course there is more to it. Betrayal upon betrayal mostly. Taking a deep breath, I turn back to her, with a tired look. "He wanted to give the boy, his son, a real chance. Question? Comments?"

[wickedslayer]

I let out a low whistle when he finally stopped tellin' me what happened in that bitter voice I'd gotten used to hearing. I'd met this kid. Connor. Wesley kidnapped Angel's kid, now that was kinda interesting. Man, it never stopped blowin' my mind how much he'd changed and hadn't changed all at the same time.

"So he's pissed at you cause you kidnapped his kid. You're pissed at him cause he pretty much erased your memories. That pretty much the jist?" Wesley didn't say anything so I nodded slowly and stood up.

Walking over to where he stood at the window, I stopped when I was standing beside him. Easily my eyes swept over the dark night outside before I tilted my chin so I was looking up at Wesley.

"Get the fuck over it." I said seriously, waiting for his startled blue eyes to turn from the window down to mine.

"What? I tried to kill you, he tried to kill us, I tried to kill him. You tried to ship me off to England and you know those watchers were gonna kill me. So get the fuck over it! We all screwed up, we all screwed eachother over. We got bigger things to worry about."

[_wes_pryce_]

Frowning, I give her a tired look. She may have gotten the jist of the story, but not the background. Then again, she wasn't here for everything and can't know it. Hell, she doesn't even remember Connor and everything that happened back then.

"That's a nice speech, Faith," I sigh tiredly. My body is so tense I'm starting to feel it in my side. Leaning against the windowsill, I put my hand over the wound and stare at her. "You've something wrong though. I'm not angry with Angel. Not anymore. I'm worried about him." As is she, she can't hide that fact.

My anger toward Angel has long since past. All that's left now is guilt. Guilt for taking away his son. Not once, but twice. If I hadn't done it the first time, Connor wouldn't have gone mad and Angel wouldn't have felt the need to give him a second chance. With all the consequences that came with that choice. Such as giving us false memories.

"I may resent him somewhat for taking away my memories. He took away who I really was, who I'd become. And because of that I'll always have certain questions that'll never be answered. But I'm not angry with him, Faith." Just tired. And always wondering if Fred would've loved me if she knew what and who I really was. Or if Gunn would... But those will never be answered now will they?

Time to move on. If only it were that easy.

[wickedslayer]

I narrowed my eyes at him when he dryly told me it was a nice speech. Hey! I didn't give the speeches, he did. Ever since I knew him Wes was always givin' speeches. See me? I didn't really put that much faith in words, I was a girl of action myself. That was how Wes had ultimately earned my respect. When he broke me out of prison and we both chased Angelus around L.A. Action.

"Yeah, I'm worried about him too." I admitted after a minute. It wasn't like I really had to say that outloud. We both knew who the other was preoccupied thinking about. The real deal hero. Angel. He was beating himself right now, over all the things he couldn't change. All the people he couldn't save.

He was gonna get us all killed if he didn't stop doin' that. From everything I knew about Angel? Wicked self-absorbed and distracted Angel was just a target for everything and anything. Made me and Wesley targets too.

"And I'm worried about me. I'm worried about you. I'm worried that something big and bad that managed to kill just about everything is gonna come waltzing through the door and I'm not gonna be able to do jack about it."

[watcher_pryce]

Nodding at her when she said she was worried about Angel as well, I carefully made my way back to the bed. It was already obvious to me that she was as worried about him as I was. But what it boiled down to at the moment, was that I was pretty much useless when it came to ramming some sense into that thick, gelled skull.

I was tired. About everything. About loosing Fred, about nearly dying, about loosing nearly all of my friend, my family. And that would be the second time. Only this time I had Angel left, and perhaps Faith. It was all I had, and I had to be careful I wasn't going to cling onto them too much. They didn't need that, or want that. Either of them.

Sinking down on the bed, I looked up startled when she mentioned she was worried about me as well. Of course we're always worried about some big bad waltzing in and taking us all out, which in a way had happened. That was a normal feeling by now, one I was used to and could cope with.

What I wasn't used to was having someone admitting they were worried about me. And oddly enough, I had no idea what to say. Or to do. Other then give her a confused look. "You've managed to defeat the first," I pointed after I had found, apparently, some part of my brain. She was worried about me? About Angel I understood, and herself as well. But me? No.

[wickedslayer]

"Yeah. I managed to defeat the first, except I didn't. That wasn't me, Wes. Sure I helped the team out but mostly that boiled down to havin' an army of slayers and Spike goin' up in a pillar of flames. It wasn't me. Jesus, we had to inject some whack drug into my brain just to take out Angelus. I just don't know what I'm up against here."

And the fact that whatever it was had so soundly wuped Angel into the pavement scared the hell out of me. Whatever it was had killed Spike. I was the slayer. Vampire slayer and I was so strong it was legendary. But even I wasn't too cocky to understand that Spike and Angel were much stronger than I was. And they lost. They really really lost.

"So I'm thinkin' to myself...on a scale of one to ten just how fucked are we? I'd say pretty fucked just from I've seen so far and it's not like I know what to do about. Sure I'm here, I'll fight or whatever but we need Soul Boy to stop mopin' around like the world just fucking ended! He's not gonna do you, me, himself or anyone else any good like that."

Alright, I'd already made up my mind. As soon as Angel walked through the door I was gonna introduce his face to my fist. If he wouldn't listen to reason, I'd just have to find some other way to get the point across.

[watcher_pryce]

Why must she always put herself down so much? I scowled at her and then sighed. She keeps downplaying her entire role in various battle's constantly and I'm getting a bit tired of it. Considering that I was already bone tired, that's saying a lot. Sure it was a team effort, but so was what we were doing here. We just needed to get Angel back into the team.

Or rather, out of his brooding mode. As it were. Actually, it is, not were. He's brooding and a lot.

I laid back on the bed, pulling my feet up and looked at her while she started to rant again. She's getting pretty good at that actually. Getting pretty worked up again as well. Narrowing my eyes, I rubbed my hand over my stomach a a flash of pain stabbed through my body. Ah, the familiar feeling of a battle aftermath. Or an explosion, or a tor- right, let's not go there.

"Faith," I sighed, running my other hand through my hair. "You're forgetting that for him his world did end. He lost Cordelia, he lost Fred. And now he lost everyone else as well." Didn't I loose everyone as well? Odd how un-important that seemed when it came to Angel. As though his pain and his sorrow was much more important then mine. I blinked at that little revelation and pushed it to the back of my brain.

I think I need to look more closely at that later.

[wickedslayer]

"Right." Was the only thing I said, a half-hearted agreement as I turned and faced the window again. It was so dark out I could barely see anything. Moon covered up by clouds and really I was only lookin' for Angel. He'd come back when he was good and ready to.

Wesley did have a point. Angel did lose his entire world. Cor and Texas, that Gunn guy- all dead. Guessed I just didn't get it cause I didn't live in a world like that, never had. Sure I'd be wicked sad if B kicked the bucket but it wouldn't be the end of my world. Maybe it was cause me and B? Not exactly best buds and usually were just too busy tryin' to tear eachother down. Maybe it was that small silent agreement that neither one of us was probably gonna live all that long due to bein' a slayer and all. But really? My sun sorta rose and set on Soul Boy. That was why this was so important to me. Cause my world didn't end, it was just too busy feeling sorry for himself. Itself. Whatever.

After a long moment had passed I turned back around and smiled wryly at Wesley. He was still sick and I was buggin' him. Least I got a few answers out of him about what that little scene downstairs was about. Still feelin' wicked antsy, mostly cause I didn't know where Angel was or what he was doin'. If he staked himself I was gonna be seriously pissed.

"Well....you look tired. So I guess I should let you rest or something." I said as I made a bee-line straight for the door.

[_wes_pryce_]

I watcher her watch into the night. I'd be amused if the situation weren't so dire. Watching the Slayer. Look at that, I'm a watcher after all. Except not really. We're both watching. Watching and waiting for Angel. Apparently he's all we...or at least I, have left in this world. And Faith, but I'm not really sure where she and I stand. Not really.

Angel is everything I've left now. Though, we'll need to talk eventually. About everything that happened. Not just the big battle, not just about the loss of our family. But also about what happened long before that. We never really did talk about that, and we should. I had forgiven him for trying to kill me a very long time ago. But things he said, the way he acted during our Wolfram and Hart tenure now clicked into place. And I wasn't at all certain he'd forgiven me. I seriously doubted it.

Sighing, I leaned back against the pillows and looked back as Faith began to stir, tearing herself away from her thoughts. I couldn't talk to Angel myself yet, I didn't have the strength nor the energy. I had to trust Faith to keep him, us, going until then. And she would. Angel was as important to her as he was to me. He was, if one wanted to be metaphorically sappy, the glue that kept us together.

"Yes, thank you." I nodded at her as she made her way over to the door. "And Faith?" When she turned around I gave her a small smile. "Don't hurt him too much He's not as clever as you and I when it comes to how he sees himself." What? It's not as though I'm an idiot. I'm well aware of how their 'conversations' may very well end up like.