The Library, Friday Evening

[3girls_1core]

For their last night in Fandom, Sholeh had asked Mr. Constantine if she could host a small dinner party in the library. It only seemed fitting; it was her favorite place in the whole school, after all, and these were her favorite people. Okay, Dr. Lecter was more Zhari's guest, but that was fair. After all, they were all leaving

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[pulseof_life]

To say that Yeul was sad... wouldn't exactly be true. Though she'd felt unaccountably pensive and even a bit anxious during her portals back to Fandom, from Thessia, to say goodbye.

Hurrying wasn't something Yeul did, and she rarely ever cared if she was on time or not, since time was something she never ran out of... but now she sort of had, in one sense.

It was a complicated, and unusual, feeling for her.

"Hello!" she said, peeking in the library, her usual smile in place despite her quiet, internal turmoil. "I hope I am not late?"

Yeul honestly didn't know if she was or not. That seemed like a good place to start. (Or to end?)

[genesishero]

"You're here with plenty of time to spare," Evan offered, glancing up from where he had a dinosaur half curled around him. Ozzy had wandered off to nap elsewhere, putting some distance between himself and Old Lace. "Hey, Yeul."

[pulseof_life]

"Hello, Evan," Yeul said lightly. "I think I will always have time to spare. It is other peoples' time that I may not have."

She tilted her head slightly as she took in his companion. "Are you babysitting today?"

Perhaps petsitting was the right term instead?

[genesishero]

Ah, talking about other people's time...

Evan's face fell a little, and he shook his head.

"Not technically," he murmured. "I kind of... inherited her. From Gert."

This had not been an awesome week.

"Did you know Gert?"

[pulseof_life]

"I do not remember if I have or haven't," Yeul admitted honestly. There were a limited number of people who she actively paid attention to on the island.

"Inherited?" she asked. "Has she graduated and gone?"

[genesishero]

"No," Evan replied, his voice falling a little quieter. "She'll never graduate. She's... gone. Gone-gone."

He didn't want to say the d-word. Saying it made it more real, and he wasn't ready to make it real, yet.

[pulseof_life]

Ah.

Yeul considered that seriously for a moment.

"I suppose," she ventured carefully, "that it is poor comfort to tell you that everyone must go that way eventually."

[genesishero]

Evan shrugged his shoulders slightly, eyes on the floor.

"Right now it is," he admitted. "But... it's something I'm going to have to get used to. I know that, too."

It was just... Gert had been one of the few people who really understood him. And Old Lace was great, but she wasn't his friend. He pulled in a shaky breath.

"Time makes it easier, right? Time and doing it over and over and over..."

[pulseof_life]

Yeul blinked at him curiously, face serene but her eyes sad.

"I think I am the wrong person to ask that," Yeul told him. "Caius and I... it is only Caius and I. If there is practice to be had, we have never bothered with it. Will it get easier for you? I don't know. Time will put distance between you and this pain, but will it dull it? Only you can answer that."

She hesitated, then added: "I am sorry for your pain."

[genesishero]

Evan sighed a little, and then nodded. He supposed that was a fair reply. An honest one, certainly. He didn't expect anything but, from Yeul.

He appreciated her honesty. So few people ever were.

"I guess I'll find out, eventually. Either I'll keep getting hurt, or I'll just... stop letting myself be in a position where I can. Or some other option I haven't figured out yet. I've got a long time to learn which."

[pulseof_life]

With a tilt of her head Yeul regarded him quietly for the space of days moments, before answering.

A little awkwardly, she crouched down by him, resting the tips of her fingers on the floor for balance. "There is something I could say," she ventured, "but I do not think you will like it. It is likely presumptuous, as I do not know the way Gert died, and you are hurt, and grieving, and this is Sholeh's and her sisters' going away dinner. It is probably not the right time."

Yeul kept her gaze, solid and serene, on his face. "All of those combined... I do not know if I should say what it is that I could. It will likely hurt, and I do not wish to hurt you. So it is up to you, Evan. Do you wish me to speak?"

[genesishero]

Evan fell silent for a moment, quietly watching Yeul as she spoke.

"... What you want to say... it's the truth as you see it, right?" He chewed his lip, and then he nodded. "The truth hurts. But not as much as silence or lies do. Tell me?"

[pulseof_life]

Yeul took a seat on the floor, falling out of her crouch with casual… not grace, but practice, which carried its own economy of motion with it

[genesishero]

Evan wasn't crying. Evan wasn't crying. Evan wasn't crying. Evan wasn't crying.

He just had something in his eyes and a kind of runny nose, that's all.

"I do," he murmured. "I pray for her, and I hope she's happier where she is, and that she left on her own terms, and... and... it still hurts."

[pulseof_life]

There was no shame in crying.

"Yes," Yeul agreed softly. "It still hurts. That doesn't change, no matter how you handle someone's death. Just remember that what happened wasn't about you. Do not make this pain about you, even though it's your pain now that she's gone. It's still about her."

[genesishero]

"It's still about her," Evan agreed softly. "It was her death, and... and this is Sholeh's party, and none of it is about me, no matter how it feels."

Evan losing his parents had been about him. They only existed because of him. It was almost fascinating, just how many types of pain there were. How many kinds of loss.