Unfortunately, Kyungsoo is a new hallucination that is brought out in this stage of his life. Kyungsoo is the complete opposite of Jongin and is quintessentially what Jongin had aspired to be throughout his life. Kyungsoo doesn't smoke, drink, and more importantly he follows his passions. However there are events in Kyungsoo's life that mirrors Jongin's. For example, it is implied that Kyungsoo's mother is dead along with his his father when he says to Jongin "she's at home right now with dad" or something like that (too lazy to go back and look lol.) We all know that the death of Jongin's mother took a toll on him, and this is just an example of how Kyungsoo is really just Jongin's subconscious.
Kyungsoo is an artist, and Jongin had mentioned he always wanted to be an artist. Maybe a painter, but Jongin stated he wanted to be a dancer. Another variation of an art form, but nonetheless the same concept. This is yet another example of Jongin's own desires and wants being projected onto his hallucinations.
We all can see Jongin has a serious drinking and smoking problem, even sex too if you want to include his Thursday rendezvous with Luhan. Luhan served as a turning point in Jongin's life because for the first time since his mother passed away, someone (real) actually loved Jongin. This was a hard pill for Jongin to swallow because A) Jongin doesn't really feel many happy things except for the feelings of being drunk or being hungover, B) After the beach scene with Kyungsoo, he knows he cares for Soo a lot more (bc this is a kaisoo fic obvs lol), and C) proved to readers that Jongin is someone who doesn't want to be lied to or be the actual liar.
After Luhan's confession, Jongin felt real shitty about lying to Luhan (though he really didn't... he just felt guilty for leading him on) which in turn leads to Jongin binge drinking like a mad man. Hence why Sehun comes in to check on Jongin since he never leaves the house. I thought maybe this scene would have been the giveaway that he is schizo, but maybe I was still too vague.
No one actually saw Yixing come into the apartment when Sehun and Jongin were in the living room. Schizo's are infamous for hearing voices in their heads with no visual source (which is why Kris comes over almost every night to harrass Jongin. Kris is real, a kid Jongin used to bully. Kris lives in the same apartment complex, but Kris never harasses him, it's all in his head. Just voices with no visual stimuli.) This is why Sehun is like "wtf man who are you talking to?" because Sehun checks the house but he doesn't see anyone. For schizo's it's hard for them to accept and even distinguish what is reality and what is imagination. Sehun tries to convince Jongin that Yixing isn't real or something, but Jongin is like "wtf you talking about man?" kind of thing. Jongin doesn't want to admit he's been living a lie because like I said earlier and in the fic, Jongin hates being lied to.
Then comes the fight scene with Kyungsoo. Jongin doesn't tell anyone about his insomnia or nightmares he gets when he actually sleeps. But being a part of Jongin's subconscious, Kyungsoo knows all the knacks to Jongin's being. This is when Jongin realizes that Kyungsoo may not even be real when Kyungsoo confronts him on his nightmares that are making him too paranoid. The person he cares and loves the most is just a figment of his imagination. You could only imagine that the person you love isn't real would cause you to do something stupid and reckless.
Jongin takes out his Lethe bottle (Lethe is the river leading to Hypnos' cave in Greek mythology, and if you drink from it you forget everything, which is why Jongin named his flask that) and the pills he was fiddling with in his hand during the fight were sleeping pills. You can deduce what happened after. Hard alcohols and sleeping pills can be fatal, and that is what happened.
Jongin wakes up likes he's floating through air, wind in his hair. In reality, he is being rushed on a gurney to the emergency room (we can suspect Sehun went and checked on him later that day and found him in the bathroom near dead.)
The doctors and nurses are described as blurred and ghost like because well, when you're almost dead I don't expect you to see 20/20. However, Kyungsoo is there by his side guiding him throughout this process. The last scene of this part is when the nurses and doctors leave Jongin's side with a loud screech in the background, which is the sound of a flatline.
The very last scene of this fic takes place at the beach. Remember when Kyungsoo said that heaven takes you back to the one moment you felt happiest/safest/whatever? Being with Kyungsoo at the beach was Jongin's moment. The beach is a place to getaway essentially, to put your life on hold and enjoy the vast expanse of nature. For Jongin, being able to get away along with being with Kyungsoo is what made him the happiest. I suspect that if you go to heaven, there isn't a grand old sign that lights up like they do in Las Vegas that says "Welcome to Heaven! You are now dead!"
Instead, I think it would be just like waking up like it's another day. Except you are at peace with yourself. Everything you have ever worried about or every sin you had done are now gone. Jongin is at peace with himself mentally and emotionally, because he's in a place where he can be with Kyungsoo without regards as to whether this is reality or imagination.
I know my fic is confusing... I didn't mean to make it this confusing since I thought maybe people would catch on... so sorry :3 I hope this answers anything any of you were curious about and please ask anything else you wanted to know more about or were confused about.
Thanks for reading!!
And a big thank you to the 3daysofkaisoo mod for putting together this whole event for us!!! <3 :]
Kyungsoo is an artist, and Jongin had mentioned he always wanted to be an artist. Maybe a painter, but Jongin stated he wanted to be a dancer. Another variation of an art form, but nonetheless the same concept. This is yet another example of Jongin's own desires and wants being projected onto his hallucinations.
We all can see Jongin has a serious drinking and smoking problem, even sex too if you want to include his Thursday rendezvous with Luhan. Luhan served as a turning point in Jongin's life because for the first time since his mother passed away, someone (real) actually loved Jongin. This was a hard pill for Jongin to swallow because A) Jongin doesn't really feel many happy things except for the feelings of being drunk or being hungover, B) After the beach scene with Kyungsoo, he knows he cares for Soo a lot more (bc this is a kaisoo fic obvs lol), and C) proved to readers that Jongin is someone who doesn't want to be lied to or be the actual liar.
After Luhan's confession, Jongin felt real shitty about lying to Luhan (though he really didn't... he just felt guilty for leading him on) which in turn leads to Jongin binge drinking like a mad man. Hence why Sehun comes in to check on Jongin since he never leaves the house. I thought maybe this scene would have been the giveaway that he is schizo, but maybe I was still too vague.
No one actually saw Yixing come into the apartment when Sehun and Jongin were in the living room. Schizo's are infamous for hearing voices in their heads with no visual source (which is why Kris comes over almost every night to harrass Jongin. Kris is real, a kid Jongin used to bully. Kris lives in the same apartment complex, but Kris never harasses him, it's all in his head. Just voices with no visual stimuli.) This is why Sehun is like "wtf man who are you talking to?" because Sehun checks the house but he doesn't see anyone. For schizo's it's hard for them to accept and even distinguish what is reality and what is imagination. Sehun tries to convince Jongin that Yixing isn't real or something, but Jongin is like "wtf you talking about man?" kind of thing. Jongin doesn't want to admit he's been living a lie because like I said earlier and in the fic, Jongin hates being lied to.
Then comes the fight scene with Kyungsoo. Jongin doesn't tell anyone about his insomnia or nightmares he gets when he actually sleeps. But being a part of Jongin's subconscious, Kyungsoo knows all the knacks to Jongin's being. This is when Jongin realizes that Kyungsoo may not even be real when Kyungsoo confronts him on his nightmares that are making him too paranoid. The person he cares and loves the most is just a figment of his imagination. You could only imagine that the person you love isn't real would cause you to do something stupid and reckless.
Jongin takes out his Lethe bottle (Lethe is the river leading to Hypnos' cave in Greek mythology, and if you drink from it you forget everything, which is why Jongin named his flask that) and the pills he was fiddling with in his hand during the fight were sleeping pills. You can deduce what happened after. Hard alcohols and sleeping pills can be fatal, and that is what happened.
Jongin wakes up likes he's floating through air, wind in his hair. In reality, he is being rushed on a gurney to the emergency room (we can suspect Sehun went and checked on him later that day and found him in the bathroom near dead.)
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The last scene of this part is when the nurses and doctors leave Jongin's side with a loud screech in the background, which is the sound of a flatline.
The very last scene of this fic takes place at the beach. Remember when Kyungsoo said that heaven takes you back to the one moment you felt happiest/safest/whatever? Being with Kyungsoo at the beach was Jongin's moment. The beach is a place to getaway essentially, to put your life on hold and enjoy the vast expanse of nature. For Jongin, being able to get away along with being with Kyungsoo is what made him the happiest. I suspect that if you go to heaven, there isn't a grand old sign that lights up like they do in Las Vegas that says "Welcome to Heaven! You are now dead!"
Instead, I think it would be just like waking up like it's another day. Except you are at peace with yourself. Everything you have ever worried about or every sin you had done are now gone. Jongin is at peace with himself mentally and emotionally, because he's in a place where he can be with Kyungsoo without regards as to whether this is reality or imagination.
I know my fic is confusing... I didn't mean to make it this confusing since I thought maybe people would catch on... so sorry :3 I hope this answers anything any of you were curious about and please ask anything else you wanted to know more about or were confused about.
Thanks for reading!!
And a big thank you to the 3daysofkaisoo mod for putting together this whole event for us!!! <3 :]
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