Something new
History is something that is viewed differently to everyone, I suppose. The Eyes of the Beholder type of deal. I look back at history and I see things one way. Other look back and see it their way. Sure we may see some things the same, but perspective itself will change the way everyone views everything.
I never was a hotshot musician. I never was going to get anywhere with music, and I never will. That didn't stop me from thinking that when I was a kid. That didn't stop me from talking about every band I was in. People I hardly knew would off themselves, and back then it felt like they were my best friends. Tyson was a great guy, but I had only known him for a year. A year, that was it. I may have spent the majority of that year hanging out with him and that group, but it was just a year and how well can you get to know someone in a year? Not very good at all. Kate was the only person I can honestly say that I lost, and yet I knew. But did I really? Or is that just my perspective?
I look back to my first date with Lauren, if it was even a date. Or was it just us hanging out? To me, it felt like a date. What did it feel like to her? Awkward and unenjoyable? To me it was a Halloween event with the most beautiful girl in school. That blond bombshell of a babe, and pretty damn smart too. She was amazingly funny, beautiful, and everything any highschool boy could have ever wanted. But is that what she saw? As our relationship went on, it felt like years and years and years to me. Every day was a month. Every minute was an hour. Time felt slower during that period of my life. When we kissed, I swear time literally stopped. Was it this way with her? Perspective. For all I know, she never loved me, and never thought she did.
I look back to Grape, Tre and Justin. I look back and I see a talentless bassist who was only around because we loved him as person, and was a good friend. I look back and I see a vocalist who was too heavily inspired by his own aspirations to be exactly like Marilyn Manson. I look back and I see a manipulative jerk who is too elitist to talk to anyone, oh and there's Justin Too. (For those that didn't catch that, I'm the manipulative jerk. Before you try to start shit.) That band would never succeed: we had no aspiration. Only one person in the band ever wanted to practice, and when we did hold practices it always just turned into a party and no one ever wanted to contribute. It's no surprise we broke up. But the real question here is, perspective. What did THEY see?
The whole reason I am talking about Perspective is because of a guy that, if you are reading this, you know. His name is Kyle Landers. (That was also intentional, idiots.) Kyle was arguably my best friend for the majority of my life. From Spencer, to Keith to Kyle. Kyle was unique, in the fact that he was almost like a toy project. He was a pet. I got to culture him, and teach him who I was and who he COULD be. In Highschool I was like a "tweener" of wrestling. I was a bully, but got bullied myself. Just another fish in the tank, really. But if you go back and look, I don't think a single person in that school didn't know who I was. I couldn't walk down the hall without EVERYONE saying something to me. It seemed like I was arguably one of the most known people in the entire school. Many people that I go back and talk to years later have actually referred to me as the "most popular person in school". That is their perspective. Kyle's perspective was that I was myself amped up a "notch or two". Some of my best memories of Kyle are not sitting at my dads house, hanging out and listening to music. All of my memories with Kyle are my best memories. Some of my most vivid memories are at his place, when I considered him a good friend and he probably didn't even know my last name, or even care. Sitting there playing card games with him while he watched Dragon Ball Z. Even these memories are strong for me, and mean the world. That's my perspective, but what's his? That I was just some annoying kid who wouldn't leave him alone. Kyle doesn't even feel that we were friends that long, or at least, that is the impression he has given. For me, I feel like my life didn't really start until I met him. He was the pinnacle of my life, and everything important didn't happen until I met him. Even my relationship with Lauren was surrounded by him. I can legitimately say I love him. The single most painful moment in my recent memory was when he actually suggested the idea that I was just trying to "sabotage" him to make him unhappy. This was more painful than you can imagine. That was his perspective of me.
I've had a few moments in my life where I've said things changed, or things were different, but the real time when things changed was right then. That's when I realized that he didn't understand. He didn't get that I loved him. He didn't perceive it. How could someone who I felt like was a life partner to me not understand that I only wanted the best for him? Everything was different from that point on, and still is. That was when I realized that the history between he and I mattered more to me than it did to him.
And so that pattern repeated. Over. And over. Lauren. Stacey. Skip. Pedo Kyle. Phil. Matt. Adam. Madison. Suzanne. Tre. Justin. and even New Kyle. The list goes on and on, but I intentionally left countless out because I didn't want to make you read thousands of names. All of these people, close friends of mine at one point, did not ever care about me as much as I cared about them. It all goes back to a moment when I was young and my grandmother said to me; "It's weird seeing just how much you are willing to love anyone that will give you the chance to love them." From pets and animals to people. I love anyone unconditionally under one condition: Let me be there for you. I'm the best friend anyone could ever have, if they'd let me.
I get it. I'm boring. Brittany and I are boring. We're not the party animals we once were. We're old. We're married. We're boring, but you know what? We won't betray you. We won't hurt you intentionally, and we won't do shit behind your back. You want the true definition of a strong person who is the best friend you could ever have? Brittany. But guess what, you get me in the package because she and I don't abandon one another and she and I are a team. This isn't just my perception like most of my life has been, this is truth.
This is an open invitation to anyone who reads it. You can be a part of our team. You can be a part of our life, and you can have the best friends you could ever dream of. The only catch? Grow the fuck up. Drinking until you puke? Smoking pot or doing any form of drug on a semi-regular basis? Worrying about shit that won't matter in ten years? Fuck off. Because frankly, I don't need that stuff anymore. What I really need is a friend who loves me as much as I love them.
And one who has the perception to see that.
-3_yearslater
I never was a hotshot musician. I never was going to get anywhere with music, and I never will. That didn't stop me from thinking that when I was a kid. That didn't stop me from talking about every band I was in. People I hardly knew would off themselves, and back then it felt like they were my best friends. Tyson was a great guy, but I had only known him for a year. A year, that was it. I may have spent the majority of that year hanging out with him and that group, but it was just a year and how well can you get to know someone in a year? Not very good at all. Kate was the only person I can honestly say that I lost, and yet I knew. But did I really? Or is that just my perspective?
I look back to my first date with Lauren, if it was even a date. Or was it just us hanging out? To me, it felt like a date. What did it feel like to her? Awkward and unenjoyable? To me it was a Halloween event with the most beautiful girl in school. That blond bombshell of a babe, and pretty damn smart too. She was amazingly funny, beautiful, and everything any highschool boy could have ever wanted. But is that what she saw? As our relationship went on, it felt like years and years and years to me. Every day was a month. Every minute was an hour. Time felt slower during that period of my life. When we kissed, I swear time literally stopped. Was it this way with her? Perspective. For all I know, she never loved me, and never thought she did.
I look back to Grape, Tre and Justin. I look back and I see a talentless bassist who was only around because we loved him as person, and was a good friend. I look back and I see a vocalist who was too heavily inspired by his own aspirations to be exactly like Marilyn Manson. I look back and I see a manipulative jerk who is too elitist to talk to anyone, oh and there's Justin Too. (For those that didn't catch that, I'm the manipulative jerk. Before you try to start shit.) That band would never succeed: we had no aspiration. Only one person in the band ever wanted to practice, and when we did hold practices it always just turned into a party and no one ever wanted to contribute. It's no surprise we broke up. But the real question here is, perspective. What did THEY see?
The whole reason I am talking about Perspective is because of a guy that, if you are reading this, you know. His name is Kyle Landers. (That was also intentional, idiots.) Kyle was arguably my best friend for the majority of my life. From Spencer, to Keith to Kyle. Kyle was unique, in the fact that he was almost like a toy project. He was a pet. I got to culture him, and teach him who I was and who he COULD be. In Highschool I was like a "tweener" of wrestling. I was a bully, but got bullied myself. Just another fish in the tank, really. But if you go back and look, I don't think a single person in that school didn't know who I was. I couldn't walk down the hall without EVERYONE saying something to me. It seemed like I was arguably one of the most known people in the entire school. Many people that I go back and talk to years later have actually referred to me as the "most popular person in school". That is their perspective. Kyle's perspective was that I was myself amped up a "notch or two". Some of my best memories of Kyle are not sitting at my dads house, hanging out and listening to music. All of my memories with Kyle are my best memories. Some of my most vivid memories are at his place, when I considered him a good friend and he probably didn't even know my last name, or even care. Sitting there playing card games with him while he watched Dragon Ball Z. Even these memories are strong for me, and mean the world. That's my perspective, but what's his? That I was just some annoying kid who wouldn't leave him alone. Kyle doesn't even feel that we were friends that long, or at least, that is the impression he has given. For me, I feel like my life didn't really start until I met him. He was the pinnacle of my life, and everything important didn't happen until I met him. Even my relationship with Lauren was surrounded by him. I can legitimately say I love him. The single most painful moment in my recent memory was when he actually suggested the idea that I was just trying to "sabotage" him to make him unhappy. This was more painful than you can imagine. That was his perspective of me.
I've had a few moments in my life where I've said things changed, or things were different, but the real time when things changed was right then. That's when I realized that he didn't understand. He didn't get that I loved him. He didn't perceive it. How could someone who I felt like was a life partner to me not understand that I only wanted the best for him? Everything was different from that point on, and still is. That was when I realized that the history between he and I mattered more to me than it did to him.
And so that pattern repeated. Over. And over. Lauren. Stacey. Skip. Pedo Kyle. Phil. Matt. Adam. Madison. Suzanne. Tre. Justin. and even New Kyle. The list goes on and on, but I intentionally left countless out because I didn't want to make you read thousands of names. All of these people, close friends of mine at one point, did not ever care about me as much as I cared about them. It all goes back to a moment when I was young and my grandmother said to me; "It's weird seeing just how much you are willing to love anyone that will give you the chance to love them." From pets and animals to people. I love anyone unconditionally under one condition: Let me be there for you. I'm the best friend anyone could ever have, if they'd let me.
I get it. I'm boring. Brittany and I are boring. We're not the party animals we once were. We're old. We're married. We're boring, but you know what? We won't betray you. We won't hurt you intentionally, and we won't do shit behind your back. You want the true definition of a strong person who is the best friend you could ever have? Brittany. But guess what, you get me in the package because she and I don't abandon one another and she and I are a team. This isn't just my perception like most of my life has been, this is truth.
This is an open invitation to anyone who reads it. You can be a part of our team. You can be a part of our life, and you can have the best friends you could ever dream of. The only catch? Grow the fuck up. Drinking until you puke? Smoking pot or doing any form of drug on a semi-regular basis? Worrying about shit that won't matter in ten years? Fuck off. Because frankly, I don't need that stuff anymore. What I really need is a friend who loves me as much as I love them.
And one who has the perception to see that.
-3_yearslater