as expected, thanks a lot....
Well. After looking around, and seeing some things, and learning some things, I come to a big conclusion. My mother was right. The people who you call friends are dissapointments. I myself am a dissapointment. I'm a complete waste of talent. I'm not going to go into that though. Another person, who I actually had respect and trust in, belittled themself, and just about made me cry. I will not confront them about it, b/c I rarely talk to them now and it will mean nothing. Most of what I say to people mean nothing to them. Thats why it hurts me, b/c I care what they say, and when I return to look for the same, I'm shown indesputable evidence that I will not recieve the same. More and more each day I hate the human population for its rediculous attrocious attitudes and theme. I'm sick of seeing 14yr olds walk around in mini skirts with 10lbs of makeup on and I'm sick of seeing once beautiful people become just another clone into this back assward society. There is no respect, honor, or even a sense of family.
For this one person though, I want to say this.
At one time, we had a daily friendship and I enjoyed your company, but as my age was still young, so was my wisdom. As time went I caught you here and there for a few minutes to prattle on about nothing and to see how you were. You developed a talent that could capture the hearts of millions, and make many sit and think of how beutiful life can be. Your talent is admirable and I stated it to you. I have been captured many times in awe at your work, and I could honestly look you in the eyes, and thank you for sharing it with me. Once before when I was young I felt a desire burn in me for your companionship, but I let that slip. I was not wise. We parted. Later I meet up with you again, and things are like they used to be. I never at anytime was concerned how I could get what I want over you. Everything Ive ever given you advice on, or when I talked to you, about you, I had completely your well being in mind. I'm glad things started to turn around for you, and you figured some things out, that made me smile b/c you we relieved of some stress. But now, I almost cried at how I could never ask for a return of anything Ive ever done for you. I will admit, I loved who you were, and how individual you were, and how you could produce such beautiful talent and show it to people. That alone was great. We have grown, and now more want you, and you know it. You could never admit to yourself how you feel about yourself, but it doesnt matter, when you know it. You know what you are, and you flaunt it. I don't know if thats the right word to use, b/c my vocabulary isn't that large, but it hurts me to see who you are now. I am even more hurt, at the way people use the word 'friend'. I am a dispicable person. I have done my share of things while I was young, and I didnt understand to much of what was, but soon I became aware of what was. I am still young, but the young I speak, is to many, "still a baby yet". To my old friend, I miss you. To the new you, goodluck. This world and you life isnt about me, but I no more wanting your companionship, nor could I utter ask for it. You have become something I hoped you wouldnt. Too many good people become "just another headcount".
Having things like this, and 'friends' that arent actual friends, is enough to ruin my night and brim my eyes with tears. Two people I can always go to, to call a friend. Two. Thats a really small number isnt it? One is an old friend from my early years, that I cannot physically get to for awhile, and one I have only known for 3-4 years. I'm not usually the one to be depressed very long, but soo much, is soo much. I am just utterly tired of my 'friends'. I just wanna ask you all, "Why?" Have I not tried enough or given enough for your happiness? Why is always seem soo convieniant to not pick up the phone, or anything of that matter, just to see how I'm doing? One of the reasons I hate people, is the fact I'll give my damnest and care for you guys. But why do I have to fight to have you care for me. It really really makes me hurt. I don't hate you all, I couldn't, b/c when you actually care for someone, you just can't up and hate them. It doesnt work that way. I have nothing more to say to you guys.
If you dont read this you wont know. This is my last entry. So those of you who actually dont care enough to see how I am, or even curious enough to see what I'm talking about, wont know.
For this one person though, I want to say this.
At one time, we had a daily friendship and I enjoyed your company, but as my age was still young, so was my wisdom. As time went I caught you here and there for a few minutes to prattle on about nothing and to see how you were. You developed a talent that could capture the hearts of millions, and make many sit and think of how beutiful life can be. Your talent is admirable and I stated it to you. I have been captured many times in awe at your work, and I could honestly look you in the eyes, and thank you for sharing it with me. Once before when I was young I felt a desire burn in me for your companionship, but I let that slip. I was not wise. We parted. Later I meet up with you again, and things are like they used to be. I never at anytime was concerned how I could get what I want over you. Everything Ive ever given you advice on, or when I talked to you, about you, I had completely your well being in mind. I'm glad things started to turn around for you, and you figured some things out, that made me smile b/c you we relieved of some stress. But now, I almost cried at how I could never ask for a return of anything Ive ever done for you. I will admit, I loved who you were, and how individual you were, and how you could produce such beautiful talent and show it to people. That alone was great. We have grown, and now more want you, and you know it. You could never admit to yourself how you feel about yourself, but it doesnt matter, when you know it. You know what you are, and you flaunt it. I don't know if thats the right word to use, b/c my vocabulary isn't that large, but it hurts me to see who you are now. I am even more hurt, at the way people use the word 'friend'. I am a dispicable person. I have done my share of things while I was young, and I didnt understand to much of what was, but soon I became aware of what was. I am still young, but the young I speak, is to many, "still a baby yet". To my old friend, I miss you. To the new you, goodluck. This world and you life isnt about me, but I no more wanting your companionship, nor could I utter ask for it. You have become something I hoped you wouldnt. Too many good people become "just another headcount".
Having things like this, and 'friends' that arent actual friends, is enough to ruin my night and brim my eyes with tears. Two people I can always go to, to call a friend. Two. Thats a really small number isnt it? One is an old friend from my early years, that I cannot physically get to for awhile, and one I have only known for 3-4 years. I'm not usually the one to be depressed very long, but soo much, is soo much. I am just utterly tired of my 'friends'. I just wanna ask you all, "Why?" Have I not tried enough or given enough for your happiness? Why is always seem soo convieniant to not pick up the phone, or anything of that matter, just to see how I'm doing? One of the reasons I hate people, is the fact I'll give my damnest and care for you guys. But why do I have to fight to have you care for me. It really really makes me hurt. I don't hate you all, I couldn't, b/c when you actually care for someone, you just can't up and hate them. It doesnt work that way. I have nothing more to say to you guys.
If you dont read this you wont know. This is my last entry. So those of you who actually dont care enough to see how I am, or even curious enough to see what I'm talking about, wont know.