aw crap
well. i think ive started to develope feelings for someone i had them for, once before. i havent even seen them in a long time, but ive talked to them here and there online. i know i should put a stop to it right now b/c its still early and wont hurt, but should i really? its not going to be right now b/c being with them at the moment cannot be done. there are certain obvious reasons, but other than that, does she know im starting to feel them again? i didnt tell her, so how could she? woman's instinct maybe? bleh. no. i should tho, stop myself. b/c i will only get let down, once more. i dont wanna do it. not again. i wanna be sure im doing the right thing before i go down that road again. FUCK YOU IRONY! my life seems to be slipping away still, and it furthered even more here recently... my best friend has a tumor, in his left ear, real small, but down at the base. a best friend i have cuddled with for 16 years... i love Willow with everything that i am, and i would cut off my own arm with a rusty broken butter knife handle to save his life... i need him. he has lived a good life i would think. i know he knows i love him. spent a 100$ on having blood work done for him, so can see if anything else is wrong. not now, of all times, why now? he acts fine, no probs, still a pain in the butt cat like always, still the first one to be picked up to be fed. well aint this fuckin lovely, im listening to the N.G.E. soundtrack, and the song, "tumbling down" comes on.... im sick, im going to bed. such shit.