Untitled Daejae Fluff, 1391 words, PG-13 at the very most.
Did Daehyun even realize what he was doing to him?
It was partially his own fault, Youngjae mused as he left the kitchen, where he saw those two together yet again. Jongup, sitting on the counter, Daehyun standing between his legs, both just smiling at each other like nobody else existed.
That should have been him, Youngjae thought. He should be the one Daehyun looks at like that, not Jongup. But again, it was his own fault. He’d never actually told Daehyun what he thought of him. How perfect he seemed, how breathtaking his smile was, and when he sang… being around Daehyun gave him feelings he never thought he had. Feelings he’d only heard about in songs, or in movies. Worse yet, the few times others picked up on it and confronted him, he’d deny all of it, feeling almost ashamed to have fallen so deeply for his best friend.
He sighed and headed out the front door, pulling his headphones on and hitting play on his iPod, blasting the music so loud it hurt, but at least it managed to drown out the pain he felt from the scene in the kitchen. Were they kissing? Were they having sex? Did they wake up next to each other in the mornings, with messy hair and groggy, shy smiles, basking in the afterglow of the night before?
Were they in love?
The music wasn’t dulling the pai anymore. Youngjae felt the rage bubbling through his body. He wanted to beat the ever-living shit out of Jongup, even though he knew deep down it wasn’t his fault. It was his own. Because he was too afraid to speak up. And now it was too late.
He picked up his pace a bit. If he were to turn back now he probably would attack Jongup out of pure jealousy. He grabbed the iPod and tried to turn it up again, but it was at its max. Oh well.
An hour or more flew by as he walked aimlessly past buildings he didn’t recognize anymore. Nobody had stopped him, and if they had, he didn’t notice. He could probably convince Himchan to buy him some booze so he could drink himself into oblivion… that’s what you were supposed to do in this situation, wasn’t it? But that meant going back, and he still hadn’t cooled off.
Eventually he found a park, and sat down on a bench, sighing. He closed his eyes, leaning back to try and gather his thoughts. This whole tantrum was insanity. What did it matter? He and Daehyun were just friends. That’s all they’d ever be. Just friends. He took a deep breath. How many other people had fallen for their best friends, thousands? Millions? It was a cliché situation. Something fit for schoolgirls. Time to let it go. At least Daehyun was happy, right? Or seemed that way, anyway. He should be happy for the other finding someone to hold on to like that… even if it wasn’t Youngjae.
Lost in thought, he didn’t notice anyone sitting beside him until that person pulled the headphones down around his neck. Youngjae glanced over and visibly panicked as he saw Daehyun, watching him with worry etched over his features. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Youngjae said, his voice wavering a bit. He turned the iPod off, then back on, and then opened an app, anything to keep from looking at Daehyun. He hated to admit it, but he felt that if he were to make any extended eye contact with the other, he’d either burst into a fit of sobbing or punch him in the face.
“You’re not fine.” Daehyun pointed out, still watching him. He handed Youngjae a cup of bubble tea, the straw already in it, and about half of it gone. Youngjae took a sip and handed it back. This was a normal habit of theirs, just a normal... friendly thing they did. He wondered briefly if Daehyun had kissed Jongup before drinking off this straw, then scowled and handed it back. “What’s wrong with you? You’re really moody lately… and you’re obviously pissed off about something now.”
Youngjae was silent for a while and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs as he stared out at nothing in particular, trying to figure out the best words to say. He could be blunt, or sarcastic, or “Why does it feel like you’re cheating on me if we’re not even together?”
His eyes went wide as he recognized his own voice. Did he really just say that? He was terrified to see the look on Daehyun’s face, so instead of looking, he simply got up and walked off, shoving his hands in his pockets. Then he reminded himself that he was doing it again, that thing he hated; Denying everything only to hate himself in the end for it.
Taking a deep breath, he turned around to find Daehyun had chased him, and actually bumped into him at the other’s abrupt stop, and handed with a gentle thud on the grass. He looked up at Youngjae, trying to gauge his expression. The younger vocalist looked scared out of his wits. Daehyun grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside him on the grass, and Youngjae looked like he wanted to run, but didn’t.
“…Why didn’t you say anything?” Was all Daehyun had to say before Youngjae broke.
He managed to keep somewhat calm, and just spoke, looking away as he did. “Seeing you with him makes me sick.” He stated, still fighting the urge to run away and hide. “Really sick like, I wanna puke sick. We’ve had so much together, Daehyun, we’ve always been so close. We share drinks and have diner together away from everyone else and I really thought there was something there and I know I should have said something before, but I-“
He froze up suddenly as he felt something entirely foreign, Daehyun’s lips on his own. It only lasted a moment, before the older of the two pulled away, smiling softly. Youngjae couldn’t help but stare, eyes wide, wondering if that had really just happened or if he was about to wake up from the weirdest dream of his life.
“There is something there.” Daehyun said, and squeezed Youngjae’s hand, still in his own from when he pulled him down. “And I knew you were afraid to do anything, so I… started this whole thing with Jongup.” He let out a light, nervous laugh as Youngjae’s look switched from scared to confuse. “…I was scared too. And I wanted you to make the first move. You didn’t, so I challenged you.”
Youngjae pulled his hand away and that scowl was back on his face as he got up. “What the hell, Daehyun? Do you know what you put me through?”
“Yep.” Daehyun got up as well, seeming calm on the surface, but feeling sick to his stomach with nerves. Maybe he’d gone too far, maybe Youngjae would hate him now. All he wanted was to see if the other would fight for him. “…And I’m sorry. But it worked, didn’t it? You told me the truth.”
Youngjae paused, wanting to punch Daehyun now instead of Jongup. But… he was right. It did work. Even if that whole thing wreaked havoc on his mind, he finally said something. When Daehyun grabbed his hand again, he realized this was real. This wasn’t a dream. This wasn’t happening.
“You bastard.” Was all Youngjae could say, though a smile finally spread across his face. “You bastard, I should kill you.”
“But you wouldn’t. I’m too cute.” Daehyun responded, a shy smile on his own face. He had no idea how this plan ended up working in the end, but he wasn’t about to question it either. “Can we go home now before it gets cold?”
“Yeah.” Youngjae responded after a moment, and laced their fingers together. This felt surreal. But it felt so right it was like none of the pain he felt before even happened. The two then walked back the same way they came, in the same comfortable silence they’d always been able to share, but with a new understanding of each other. This was exactly how things were always meant to be, and would be for as long as they both allowed.