(no subject)
Check the icon....it's true. I seriously am so drained right now. I don't even know where to begin with what's going on in my head. That's part of the problem. I can't think straight anymore...my brain will not follow one straight train of thought...it keeps going off on tangents and bird tracks and whatever other crazy words are used for not being able to concentrate. Like just now...I stopped typing mid sentence and just watched my new icon. I am registered for the SAT's now, finally. That's the only good thing I've got to say right now. I realized not long ago that asking Danielle to the dance could have negative side effects. I had forgotten that he's had a crush on me for a long time, or maybe it was just a long time ago....I don't know anymore...If I ever did. AJIFULHDLSFIJO:J@!!!! I wish I knew what the hell I was going on around me!!!!! If I sit still long enough...my brain no longer registers where exactly my limbs are...it's weird and creeps me out. I cried so hard today and it was actually in front of someone. I haven't done that since Bubba disapeared...and that was just my mom...I don't think I've ever cried like that in front of my friends before....I don't talk to my mom anymore...I mean, of course I talk to her, but not about anything important. Like I told Tyler, It sucks when you can't talk to either of your parents. My mom is like those Dad's that push their sons to "be tough" I think she's actaully said that to me more than once. What kind of mom does that...to her daughter? That's part of the reason I'm like that way I am...that and the fact that I so sick and freaking tired of crying. I've spent so many nights crying to myself...berrating myself for shit that isn't even in my control, screaming at God or whatever the hell is out there for the injustice and rolling in self-pity, that I just don't want to spend my life doing that anymore...I've been like this for the last elevan years...I'm tired of it, but...one can't change herself to know how to be open with the sadness quickly...at least I can't. I don't expect any of you to read this...I don't even care. Livejournal has just become like a censored Diary for me. I don't expect much from people anymore...I just leads to my dissapointment and dissapointment is the worst feeling to me.