(no subject)
December 2. 25 more days until surgery.
I'm feeling worse about this fact than I thought I would. Anxious and annoyed. I don't want to deal with this right now. I have too much to do to worry about another round of recovery, adjusting to a new machine and, judging by my track record, ugly complications.
I'd like very much to have someone or somebody to allay my nerves. I'm intimately acquainted with what can go wrong, now I want to be told that it will all go right. I want to be delusional with optimism and gleeful with ignorance. To stroke my worried little head and tell me that it's no biggie and that it will go right for goddamn once.
I'm feeling worse about this fact than I thought I would. Anxious and annoyed. I don't want to deal with this right now. I have too much to do to worry about another round of recovery, adjusting to a new machine and, judging by my track record, ugly complications.
I'd like very much to have someone or somebody to allay my nerves. I'm intimately acquainted with what can go wrong, now I want to be told that it will all go right. I want to be delusional with optimism and gleeful with ignorance. To stroke my worried little head and tell me that it's no biggie and that it will go right for goddamn once.