I need to let it out.
I was talking to Dwight this morning, as usual. I asked him if he was ready to graduate and move out. He, being the honest person he is, admitted that he wasn't ready. I don't know why, but I got kind of misty thinking about him graduating. Which is scary. I never get attached to seniors. Seeing how last year, everyone thought I was emotional werck at the last Chorus Concert and Graduation.
I promised self then.. I'd never get too close. I look ugly when I cry.
Today, I called my best friend to see if he was doing any better from this morning or yesturday. I've been worrying about him a lot lately. Seeing how I can't physically be there for him, I want to be there over the phone. And with this job. I haven't been able to call him or anybody. So, anyways. He said the most hateful thing. I don't know where the hell it came from. But it made me stop to think.. why should I even care anymore? why do i still care about charlotte? is it worth it sitting in class worrying about stuff thats 1,000 miles away when i should be establishing my new life? sometimes i feel i'm stuck in the past and i don't have a reason to be.
at the end of the day. i come home and i'm not in charlotte anymore. i'm in jacksonville. i think i need to start accepting it now.
thanks for the wake up call.
I've been listening to the old, old Backstreet Boys cd. Things were a lot easier when my life was revolved around them. There were no complications. I had BSB and they had me. But somewhere a long the way, I grew up. It sucks to be 16. I just want to get this shit over with. And say I did it.
Today at lunch I had a moment. I've been having a lot of those now since I've moved. It hit me. I'm going to Philly for Thanksgiving. Dude. If Katiey comes.. oh the things we'd all do.
I've come to the conculsion you're the one thing I've always wanted and looked for. It just wouldn't seem right if I had what I've always wanted. I don't know. You're almost too perfect and it bothers me. Take that as you will.
Why do I have to be that girl that changes everyone?