3 Days To Go
Well...
Today started with a rather upsetting morning. In fact, as I sit here, writing this entry out, I still cannot believe what happened. It is difficult for me to believe that, just because people may have an opposing view, they feel like they can attack you. You know, I have a question here. Why is it not good enough to just say something like: 'I do not fully understand (or agree with) what you are doing. Regardless, I wish you the best.'? I mean, seriously. This gets the point across, right? It means that the person has NO desire to support my one year goal, or read this blog (and I am okay with that). It is saying that this project is not your 'cup of tea', but it is doing so in a polite, socially acceptable manner.
I had posted something about this blog in a community. The rules of the community, itself, were something that I did not fully understand, when I made the post. And, damn...This morning, I got my head bitten off. People were saying that this project is absolutely ridiculous. They were saying that I am just an 'attention-seeking' person. They implied that my shopping addiction was not real, but I had decided to write about it, just to get attention. They called me 'arrogant', and more that one of these individuals called me an 'ass'. When did it become okay to HARPOON somebody you don't even know? And, once again, I have to ask, what is wrong, with just being polite, and saying that this blog is not your thing, in a way that does not include vulgarity, or insults? It does not take rudeness to get a point across.
When I read through this never-ending string of hate mail (emphasis on the word HATE), it made me feel completely TERRIBLE. People HATE me, I thought to myself, over and over again. Because of this project, I am hated! (One individual implied that I was well off enough, financially, to buy whatever I wanted. She said that I was nothing more, than some bored man, trying to find something to occupy my time.) I felt the sting of tears, behind my eyelids, and I just kept muttering, "they HATE me."
It was devastating!
My initial thought was to call it quits. I felt defeated. And, as I read through the endless comments (each of them delivering another little stab to my heart), I felt that ever so familiar desire. I looked at my backpack, on the floor, next to my desk. In the small pouch, I have my wallet. And there are so many things that I would love to buy. A new pair of Crocs, for the summer, for example. A cheery bouquet (which I would have delivered today)-a way to make myself feel better, after the hurtful blows, that started my morning. The truth of the matter, is that I am already in such an extreme amount of debt, that I feel trapped. That was one reason why I started this project. But, as I read the comments, this morning, I really didn't care about the debt problems that I have. The fact that I am sinking in debt didn't faze me, at all. All I knew, was that if I bought myself those Crocs, or that bouquet, it would help to alleviate the stress that these people had bestowed upon me. It would help me feel better...Happy. Because that is what shopping always does, for me. It brings a smile. It makes everything okay.
And the truth of the matter is that I (technically) could buy either of these things, today. I mean, I still 3 days to go, before my project officially begins. There really was NO REASON, why I couldn't pull out my credit card, and shop away the pain.
But there was a reason. Even though my project doesn't technically begin, until July 1st, part of me feels like it has already started...unofficially, that is. And, then I started to see something else. If I did buy either of these things-if I clicked any purchase button, from an online retailer-then these individuals, who have tried to break me down, would win. They would be right, in all that they said. If I broke, and bought something, then it would be true, that I am just a bored man, seeking attention through a blog (and a project), that I am not willing to stand behind, through thick and thin.
I remembered, as I sat there, tempted to shop, something that I was told. People do not understand shopping addiction. The majority of people think that a shopaholic is just a spoiled person, who gets everything they want, when they want it. People hear the word 'shopaholic', and instantly think it is nothing more than a cute word. Many will never understand how hard it can be, to break free of shopping addiction.
I have spent my day, thinking about this statement, and also, thinking about the numerous NASTY things, said about this project, and about me. At the end of the day, I can honestly say it still hurts. I wish I understood why these people chose to be so vile. There are nicer ways, to tell me that what I am doing is of no interest to you. I could think about this, and think about this...and think about this. I could keep going over it, in my head, until it makes me crazy. And, I will never have an answer to the question of "why the hell are you so cruel, when you speak of me, and my project?". So, it is time for me to give up trying to understand this.
In the end, it comes down to me. I KNOW my reasons for doing this project. I KNOW that I am not just doing it for attention. I KNOW that I am NOT an ass. And, I KNOW that I when I say I am a shopaholic, trying to reform, that I am telling the damned truth.
As I have already said, in past entries...
I chose to do this, for me. Me, and me, alone. If I can make some friends along the way, and write a blog that people want to read, then that is great. And when I come across things like this, I have to keep holding my head high, and remember that this project-this blog-is not being done, with the intent of pleasing those, who feel they can be so nasty.
People will always try to tear you down. That is something I know. But they can only succeed, if you let them.
By the way...
I managed to avoid spending a single penny today. I dealt with my sadness and anger, with some yarn, and a hook.
Today started with a rather upsetting morning. In fact, as I sit here, writing this entry out, I still cannot believe what happened. It is difficult for me to believe that, just because people may have an opposing view, they feel like they can attack you. You know, I have a question here. Why is it not good enough to just say something like: 'I do not fully understand (or agree with) what you are doing. Regardless, I wish you the best.'? I mean, seriously. This gets the point across, right? It means that the person has NO desire to support my one year goal, or read this blog (and I am okay with that). It is saying that this project is not your 'cup of tea', but it is doing so in a polite, socially acceptable manner.
I had posted something about this blog in a community. The rules of the community, itself, were something that I did not fully understand, when I made the post. And, damn...This morning, I got my head bitten off. People were saying that this project is absolutely ridiculous. They were saying that I am just an 'attention-seeking' person. They implied that my shopping addiction was not real, but I had decided to write about it, just to get attention. They called me 'arrogant', and more that one of these individuals called me an 'ass'. When did it become okay to HARPOON somebody you don't even know? And, once again, I have to ask, what is wrong, with just being polite, and saying that this blog is not your thing, in a way that does not include vulgarity, or insults? It does not take rudeness to get a point across.
When I read through this never-ending string of hate mail (emphasis on the word HATE), it made me feel completely TERRIBLE. People HATE me, I thought to myself, over and over again. Because of this project, I am hated! (One individual implied that I was well off enough, financially, to buy whatever I wanted. She said that I was nothing more, than some bored man, trying to find something to occupy my time.) I felt the sting of tears, behind my eyelids, and I just kept muttering, "they HATE me."
It was devastating!
My initial thought was to call it quits. I felt defeated. And, as I read through the endless comments (each of them delivering another little stab to my heart), I felt that ever so familiar desire. I looked at my backpack, on the floor, next to my desk. In the small pouch, I have my wallet. And there are so many things that I would love to buy. A new pair of Crocs, for the summer, for example. A cheery bouquet (which I would have delivered today)-a way to make myself feel better, after the hurtful blows, that started my morning. The truth of the matter, is that I am already in such an extreme amount of debt, that I feel trapped. That was one reason why I started this project. But, as I read the comments, this morning, I really didn't care about the debt problems that I have. The fact that I am sinking in debt didn't faze me, at all. All I knew, was that if I bought myself those Crocs, or that bouquet, it would help to alleviate the stress that these people had bestowed upon me. It would help me feel better...Happy. Because that is what shopping always does, for me. It brings a smile. It makes everything okay.
And the truth of the matter is that I (technically) could buy either of these things, today. I mean, I still 3 days to go, before my project officially begins. There really was NO REASON, why I couldn't pull out my credit card, and shop away the pain.
But there was a reason. Even though my project doesn't technically begin, until July 1st, part of me feels like it has already started...unofficially, that is. And, then I started to see something else. If I did buy either of these things-if I clicked any purchase button, from an online retailer-then these individuals, who have tried to break me down, would win. They would be right, in all that they said. If I broke, and bought something, then it would be true, that I am just a bored man, seeking attention through a blog (and a project), that I am not willing to stand behind, through thick and thin.
I remembered, as I sat there, tempted to shop, something that I was told. People do not understand shopping addiction. The majority of people think that a shopaholic is just a spoiled person, who gets everything they want, when they want it. People hear the word 'shopaholic', and instantly think it is nothing more than a cute word. Many will never understand how hard it can be, to break free of shopping addiction.
I have spent my day, thinking about this statement, and also, thinking about the numerous NASTY things, said about this project, and about me. At the end of the day, I can honestly say it still hurts. I wish I understood why these people chose to be so vile. There are nicer ways, to tell me that what I am doing is of no interest to you. I could think about this, and think about this...and think about this. I could keep going over it, in my head, until it makes me crazy. And, I will never have an answer to the question of "why the hell are you so cruel, when you speak of me, and my project?". So, it is time for me to give up trying to understand this.
In the end, it comes down to me. I KNOW my reasons for doing this project. I KNOW that I am not just doing it for attention. I KNOW that I am NOT an ass. And, I KNOW that I when I say I am a shopaholic, trying to reform, that I am telling the damned truth.
As I have already said, in past entries...
I chose to do this, for me. Me, and me, alone. If I can make some friends along the way, and write a blog that people want to read, then that is great. And when I come across things like this, I have to keep holding my head high, and remember that this project-this blog-is not being done, with the intent of pleasing those, who feel they can be so nasty.
People will always try to tear you down. That is something I know. But they can only succeed, if you let them.
By the way...
I managed to avoid spending a single penny today. I dealt with my sadness and anger, with some yarn, and a hook.