7 lbs. of Lipstick

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This started to turn me a little straight, but then I lolled.

These commercials that try to put longterm consumption "in perspective" by showing the same amount consumed in one sitting make me want to produce a commercial using that bullshit urban legend statistic about the number of spiders people supposedly swallow while sleeping.

"Over the course of a lifetime, the average person swallows the equivalent of NINETY-EIGHT POUNDS OF SPIDERS."

[A giant spider pushes its way out of the elasticized head of a sleeping figure.]

"NEVER GO TO SLEEP AGAIN."