[April 3][Final Fantasy XII] Fear Itself
Title: Fear Itself
Day/Theme: April 3, 2009 "a place beyond fear"
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character/Pairing: Penelo, Vaan, Balthier, etc (the main party)
Rating: PG-13
Everytime I thought I had gotten to the point where nothing could scare me anymore, something had to happen to prove me wrong. Being orphaned? I'd been there. Losing friends? That too. Being worried, sick, lonely, poor, living in a conquered nation? Sure, fine. But seeing a coerl sink its teeth into Vaan's arm? That was hard for me. That was too much. I was afraid he'd lose his arm. Even Balthier was rattled. Usually his calm (even if it was only a front) managed to soothe my anxieties. It was probably only the shock that kept me from crying.
*****
I was always running. But you had to admit, I looked pretty good doing it.
*****
You can't really tell what will scare you until you experience it. I would never have thought that getting separated from the others in the Henne Mines would send such a chill down my spine. I fought my way back to the others, constantly faced by drop-offs and dead ends. I am not afraid of blood, or the dark, or being alone, and certainly not of battle, but this particular combination of factors shook me. I did not admit it to Basch. I tried to attribute it to a patch of rough sleep that had troubled me for a few nights past. I was lying to myself as much as to him. I never wanted to admit I was anything but strong.
*****
As long as one has attachments, one will have fears. I was wise enough at least to see the truth in this.
*****
I wasn't scared too often when I was a kid 'cuz I was reckless. (Penelo'd say it was 'cuz I was stupid.) And I thought I'd be even braver as an adult 'cuz I'd grow out of things. But growing up and wising up... In the end, I was only left with different things to fear. And I still think I was less fearful than the average person. Even when I almost lost my arm, I was confident I'd be okay. Penelo told me I'd been too reckless. I'd be "in the back rank from now on!" I wasn't fooling anyone. They all knew I was stupid. I knew I wsa stupid. Well, it's easier to fear stuff you don't understand, so, uh...
*****
No matter how many things happened to me, I always knew that I would be scared again sometime. Perhaps even as a result of the same thing that had frightened me before. After all, courage does not mean that you aren't scared in the first place. It means that you act despite the fear. I just kept my fears wrapped up tightly, held like a secret to my beating heart.
Day/Theme: April 3, 2009 "a place beyond fear"
Series: Final Fantasy XII
Character/Pairing: Penelo, Vaan, Balthier, etc (the main party)
Rating: PG-13
Everytime I thought I had gotten to the point where nothing could scare me anymore, something had to happen to prove me wrong. Being orphaned? I'd been there. Losing friends? That too. Being worried, sick, lonely, poor, living in a conquered nation? Sure, fine. But seeing a coerl sink its teeth into Vaan's arm? That was hard for me. That was too much. I was afraid he'd lose his arm. Even Balthier was rattled. Usually his calm (even if it was only a front) managed to soothe my anxieties. It was probably only the shock that kept me from crying.
*****
I was always running. But you had to admit, I looked pretty good doing it.
*****
You can't really tell what will scare you until you experience it. I would never have thought that getting separated from the others in the Henne Mines would send such a chill down my spine. I fought my way back to the others, constantly faced by drop-offs and dead ends. I am not afraid of blood, or the dark, or being alone, and certainly not of battle, but this particular combination of factors shook me. I did not admit it to Basch. I tried to attribute it to a patch of rough sleep that had troubled me for a few nights past. I was lying to myself as much as to him. I never wanted to admit I was anything but strong.
*****
As long as one has attachments, one will have fears. I was wise enough at least to see the truth in this.
*****
I wasn't scared too often when I was a kid 'cuz I was reckless. (Penelo'd say it was 'cuz I was stupid.) And I thought I'd be even braver as an adult 'cuz I'd grow out of things. But growing up and wising up... In the end, I was only left with different things to fear. And I still think I was less fearful than the average person. Even when I almost lost my arm, I was confident I'd be okay. Penelo told me I'd been too reckless. I'd be "in the back rank from now on!" I wasn't fooling anyone. They all knew I was stupid. I knew I wsa stupid. Well, it's easier to fear stuff you don't understand, so, uh...
*****
No matter how many things happened to me, I always knew that I would be scared again sometime. Perhaps even as a result of the same thing that had frightened me before. After all, courage does not mean that you aren't scared in the first place. It means that you act despite the fear. I just kept my fears wrapped up tightly, held like a secret to my beating heart.