Insomnia strikes again
About this time last year, I had a stint with insomnia. I must have some stress that I haven't identified...
Bills, moving out, school, work, friends, lack of friends.... I don't know what else there is to be stressed about.
I guess I don't really think about my problems too much. That's definately a weakness I have. I fear responsibility. I'm deathly afraid of change. In a misguided search for the past, I stall in the present. Major barrier to advancement.
I need to start making some changes in my life. I need new friends. I need to try out some different attitudes...
This whole thing makes me worried, though. Last time I had thoughts like this I ended up in the hospital. I don't think I could handle going through that again.
Paranoia is the fear of a conspiracy against you, but what do you call a fear of yourself consipiring? Your own mind plotting against you? There's an interesting thought. The only way your mind could plot against you without your knowledge would require some kind of unconcious recognition of a "destiny". Sounds like a good idea for a movie, to me. Sounds pretty "Donnie Darko"-ish.
Overanalysis was something I delved into deeply when in my unstable mental period. Attempts at self-improvement along a self-guided path, was my goal. Concious testing of principles and their effects, participants unknowing. I won't be doing that again.
If my self-confidence raises sharply, that will be a dead-on indicator of my relapse into mental instability. Watch for that!
When I read some other people's blogs, it sounds almost like a newsletter. "Joe Times, morning edition, on newsstands now!"
But when I read over my own, it sounds more like note-to-self sort of deal. "Look here, these are the things I am thinking about" rather than "Here's what's happened, all caught up now?". Not that the other sort is less interesting, but carries a lot less personality. "Here I am" rather than "Who I am". That's just my style, I guess.
You could conclude from that, that I feel I need to be known. I wish for people to understand me. It also smacks of self-importance (something I long thought I placed little in). I've been recognizing some of my more distasteful character traits lately. Doesn't mean I've discarded them, hehehe.
My dad's interactions with my mom have started to annoy me as of late. At the slightest challenge he will speak to her in a condescending tone, totally demeaning. If I question him, I'm the subject of the same attitude. It's very arrogant and derrogatory, and quite frankly, it pisses me the hell off. He exudes a self-image of perfection, when he of all people should know of the impossibility. I think perhaps he missed or has forgotten the aspect of humility in spiritual enlightenment. Note-to-self: Be humble!
I wonder if i'll end up staying up all night.
My body is tired, but my mind just won't stop throwing ideas into my head. It's always like this when I can't sleep. Perhaps I've understimulated myself, and my unexpended mental energies are now in action. God, I need to get back to school.
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
Just to get it into my head ;o).
Bills, moving out, school, work, friends, lack of friends.... I don't know what else there is to be stressed about.
I guess I don't really think about my problems too much. That's definately a weakness I have. I fear responsibility. I'm deathly afraid of change. In a misguided search for the past, I stall in the present. Major barrier to advancement.
I need to start making some changes in my life. I need new friends. I need to try out some different attitudes...
This whole thing makes me worried, though. Last time I had thoughts like this I ended up in the hospital. I don't think I could handle going through that again.
Paranoia is the fear of a conspiracy against you, but what do you call a fear of yourself consipiring? Your own mind plotting against you? There's an interesting thought. The only way your mind could plot against you without your knowledge would require some kind of unconcious recognition of a "destiny". Sounds like a good idea for a movie, to me. Sounds pretty "Donnie Darko"-ish.
Overanalysis was something I delved into deeply when in my unstable mental period. Attempts at self-improvement along a self-guided path, was my goal. Concious testing of principles and their effects, participants unknowing. I won't be doing that again.
If my self-confidence raises sharply, that will be a dead-on indicator of my relapse into mental instability. Watch for that!
When I read some other people's blogs, it sounds almost like a newsletter. "Joe Times, morning edition, on newsstands now!"
But when I read over my own, it sounds more like note-to-self sort of deal. "Look here, these are the things I am thinking about" rather than "Here's what's happened, all caught up now?". Not that the other sort is less interesting, but carries a lot less personality. "Here I am" rather than "Who I am". That's just my style, I guess.
You could conclude from that, that I feel I need to be known. I wish for people to understand me. It also smacks of self-importance (something I long thought I placed little in). I've been recognizing some of my more distasteful character traits lately. Doesn't mean I've discarded them, hehehe.
My dad's interactions with my mom have started to annoy me as of late. At the slightest challenge he will speak to her in a condescending tone, totally demeaning. If I question him, I'm the subject of the same attitude. It's very arrogant and derrogatory, and quite frankly, it pisses me the hell off. He exudes a self-image of perfection, when he of all people should know of the impossibility. I think perhaps he missed or has forgotten the aspect of humility in spiritual enlightenment. Note-to-self: Be humble!
I wonder if i'll end up staying up all night.
My body is tired, but my mind just won't stop throwing ideas into my head. It's always like this when I can't sleep. Perhaps I've understimulated myself, and my unexpended mental energies are now in action. God, I need to get back to school.
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
RESOLUTION: I WILL BE ENROLLED IN COLLEGE THIS FALL
Just to get it into my head ;o).