Admission and Acceptance
Fandom: Supernatural
Title: Admission and Acceptance
Author/Artist: my_sam_dean
Theme(s): 32 - temptation
Pairing/Characters: Sam/Dean
Rating: R
Disclaimer/claimer (if needed): I own nothing Supernatural.
Summary (if needed): Warnings: Slash/Incest. Sam admists his feelings to Dean, causing Dean to reveal his own.
Dean noticed the blues coming down on Sam a few days before Sam mentioned it.
"I miss Jess."
"Is that what you dream about?"
"I dream about her death. That's what makes it a nightmare."
Dean nodded, glad that Sam was finally talking.
"Remember how close we used to be? Before I left for Stanford?"
"Yeah," Dean thought back and remembered how an accidental touch from Sam would light a fire in him so quick. It had taken the years Sam was away for Dean to convince himself that he could handle being by Sam again. He wasn't going to respond to the accidental flirtations that Sam didn't know he was sending. "What about it?"
"I miss us being close. I never had the same closeness with Jess. I was just wondering if you missed it, too."
"How you relate to each person is going to be different, Sam. You'll meet a wonderful gal and you'll be close to her in another way."
"I want to talk about us," There is was, blunt and in the open.
"What about us? We got pretty screwed up right before you left."
"I thought we were finally figuring things out right before I left," Sam was confused. "You think what we had was all screwed up?"
Dean chewed his bottom lip. "What we were edging toward isn't normal, Sam. It isn't natural, even."
"But do you miss us?"
Dean drove on down the road until Sam was sure he just wasn't going to get an answer.
"I miss us. That never changed."
"I need us to be like that, Dean. I need you to want me in addition to loving me." Sam sighed. All those days thinking of this conversation and it had sounded so much better in his head. "Do you want me?" his voice came out small, like he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.
He stared at Dean's profile, trying to get any indication of what he was feeling. Dean had always had the ability to close off his emotions, and he seemed to be doing it now.
"Yes, Sam. I'll be damned, but I want you," he looked over at Sam.
"Let's pull over for the night," Sam suggested. "Your mind isn't really on driving anyway."
***
They took their showers and sat on the edge of a bed, side by side, thighs touching.
"You've always taken care of me, Dean. I want to have the chance to take care of you, too. It's just that now I feel sad because I'm missing that tenderness in my life."
Dean nodded.
"Can you help me sleep tonight? Can you hold me and soothe me when the nightmares come? I know it's not much of a start for us, but it's what I need right now."
"I'm here for you, Sammy. Always." Dean brushed back Sam's bangs, "We can make it through tonight and many more." He gently wiped some tears from Sam's face. "Let's get some rest," he kissed Sam's forehead.
Dean laid there, covered in a Sammy blanket just like when he was little. Sam's head was on his shoulder and his hand rested over Dean's heart.
"I don't know where this road will take us, Sammy. We could be damning ourselves to hell."
"We've killed many creatures. We could go to hell for that, too. I don't see us going there over love."
"I guess it would have to be down on their list of transgressions, not one of the top ten," Dean ran fingers through Sam's hair.
"I need this right now, what we have here," Sam patted Dean's chest. "That could change and I'd want more."
"A relationship changes because of the people in it. There is no one to force us to be one way or another. I'll just love you and let wanting you blend into that. It's not two separate things."
"No, it's not. I can handle anything as long as I have us."
"You have us, Sammy. I promise."
"Thank you, Dean. I love you."
'Love you, Sam," Dean kissed Sam's hair and held his body closer. He was having a difficult time believing that a feeling that he had repressed for so long was now going to be not only acceptable, but what Sammy wanted.
Dean knew that he held a very precious person. The thought of being able to hold Sam every single night is what Dean took into his dreams.
Sam awoke from a nightmare, drenched in sweat. Dean held him tightly in his arms and whispered in his ear, "I'm here. It's just a nightmare. You're safe. I'm here." Sam opened his eyes and saw the tenderness in Dean's face that he'd been craving. He gave Dean a weak smile before going back to sleep.