[Fruits Basket] Haru/Rin, #13

[umadoshi]

Title: Night and Day
Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (umadoshiPairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin

Comments

[flamika]

Loveliness, as usual. ^^

[umadoshi]

*^^*

[kawaiiayu]

Awww I loved that. I love the way you used the parenthesis too :3 This seemed a little different than your usual style, but I love it ^_^

[umadoshi]

Yeah, it felt a lot different, but most of it came all at once--and when that happens, I almost never mess around with it. ^^ I'm a bit worried that it's unclear, or that the flow is broken too much, but I think I'll leave it alone.

[kawaiiayu]

I like the flow :3

[f_ireworks]

I really liked it, and I really liked the use of parentheses. It feels like reading between the lines and it felt, to me, like a very nice way to connect with the characters more personally. It was lovely. My favorite lines:

(He doesn't feel like a boy anymore, either, but he can't be sure he's ready to call himself a man. There's only holding her and praying he won't fail her again.)

And:

Five slow breaths--he counts them now, when he's not close enough to count her heartbeats, tries to memorize every sign of life(...)
That last one was so Haru and so perfect.
Thanks!

[umadoshi]

*^^* I'm pretty fond of the first line you quoted, too (even though it breaks the pattern a little. *laughs*) *pleased that you liked it*

[snapdragon76]

Beautiful, as always. And I like the experimentation with style you used. It works very well...

[umadoshi]

Yay! I'm glad it worked out well. ^^

[nettlecoats]

I like the parenthetical inserts very much, for elucidation and for contrast. And, just, so many of the phrases, curled up like a sea creature stripped of its shell and He doesn't feel like a boy anymore, either, but he can't be sure he's ready to call himself a man, but most of all It's an adventure, he replies, and she smiles. *happy sigh*

[umadoshi]

*^^* And now I have to sparkle at you for picking both of my favorite lines. ^_^ Yay! And thanks for letting me know you liked it!