Touching of the soul to the sun(Inuyasha, Sesshomaru x Rin, #4)
Title:Touching of the soul to the sun (caress #4)
Author/Artist: kiraysha
Pairing: Sesshomaru, Older Rin
Fandom: Inuyasha
Theme: #4 Touching of the soul to the sun
Disclaimer: I don't won these two; Takahashi-sensei does! ;p
*WARNING* Spoilers for manga chapter 470 & 471
Happy reading!
Touching of the soul to the sun (caress #4)
By kira
For Saffykins…”huggles”
Author’s notes: This is a series of thirty plus caresses done for Live Journal’s 30 caresses community featuring Sesshomaru and an older Rin…
I have also decided to write one story, using each caress as a chapter title instead of thirty separate ones.
Sesshomaru had slept badly as he could hear the voice of his late father in his dreams gently mocking him about his predicament. Sighing softly, he opened his eyes as he shifted slightly without disturbing Rin, who was still asleep. The late afternoon sun warmed his face, reminding him of his mother and her palace in the sky. He longed to visit her again, but she too had passed on into the ne therworld and all he had left of his family was his half brother and his growing family.
But you still have the girl, my son… Sesshomaru smiled when his mother’s gentle tone replaced his father’s mocking one.
I know that, Haha-ue, he said wordlessly and she laughed softly in his head. And now it seems I will once again have someone else to look after…
Someone else to protect? Inutaisho chuckled.
Hai… Sesshomaru thought wryly. Having both parents talking to him in his head made him feel like a little pup again, and yet, instead of irritating him, Sesshomaru found it oddly comforting.
His mother sighed softly. He has turned out to be more like you than any of us would have expected, ne?
His father laughed in reply. I know and I find it very funny.
You would, he and his mother chorused as the ghost of a smile twitched Sesshomaru’s lips.
It’s no shame to make a pup with a woman you love, Sessho-kun, Inutaisho said.
Your father’s right, although it would be nice if you made her your mate, his mother added.
Ah, but he’s already done that, my dear, and therein lies his troubles.
Hai…Chichi-ue is right, I have somehow made Rin my mate… Sesshomaru grew pensive as he thought about it. Feelings of betrayal to Tsuki’s memory had surfaced again, leaving him confused and torn. But how is that possible?
I honestly don’t know, Sesshomaru, his father said seriously. Perhaps it has something to do with surviving her death, or maybe she never really was your mate.
Sesshomaru mentally shrugged. Perhaps…
She is a sweet girl and she has been good to you, Sessho-kun, the dog queen said softly. You know, I was very happy to hear it was she who had suggested you visit that last time…
I’m glad she did too, Haha-ue…
Hai? He had brief image of his mother quirking her eyebrow at him.
Gomen nasai, please forgive me for not visiting more often, Sesshomaru said contritely to the vision of his mother.
It’s alright, my son, you’ve had other more important things to deal with than your mother. I’m not angry, in fact I never was and I’m sorry if I had led you to believe otherwise…
The dog general laughed. What your mother means is she’s happy you followed your brother’s example and left flowers on her grave.
Sesshomaru squinted in the late afternoon sun as he ignored his discomfiture when the voices of his parents finally grew silent in his head. Sighing softly, he gave a silent prayer of thanks to the gods who caused Rin to snuggle up next to him on his left, and raising his right hand, he briefly rubbed his temples with his thumb and middle finger. Shading his eyes, he opened them wider and looked over at Rin’s sleeping form. She was peacefully asleep, a tiny smile gracing her lips. She looked so sweet and innocent, that he was pleased she was over her fears of his rejection. Not that he ever would reject her, for he knew damned well that it was just as much his fault she was with pup as hers. Still, he was saddened to think she thought that way about him, but then when he thought about it, he had never really given her any reason to believe otherwise.
Gomen nasai, Rin-chan… he said wordlessly as he reached over and gently caressed her check. Forgive me the foolishness of my youth as this Sesshomaru never meant to hurt you now with careless words said so long ago…
Sesshomaru found he felt better about her pregnancy now that he had what passed for his parents’ approval, even if it was only his hopes and fears doing the talking. As he absentmindedly stroked her cheek while Rin slept, Sesshomaru let his thoughts drift back to the time when he was a little pup and particular memory came to mind. The events in it had occurred shortly after Izayoi’s arrival and he remembered feeling angry over his father’s rejection and jealous of the attention the dog general was lavishing upon the human girl…
Sesshomaru stood there, stunned at the way his father so casually dismissed him in favor of spending time with his latest acquisition. The seven year old could not for the life of him figure out what was so great about her as she was just as dark in appearance as his foster father, Takahara, was, although he had to admit the girl was nicer to him than Takahara was. He found it puzzling that his father would rather spend time with the girl, who in Sesshomaru’s humble opinion smelled funny, than spend time with him or his mother. For Sesshomaru had noticed that his father was avoiding her just as much as he was limiting the precious time that he spent with his son. And that hurt.
Finding his pleas for another game of catch falling on deaf ears, although Sesshomaru noticed with some satisfaction that the girl was uncomfortable by Inutaisho’s rejection of his son in favor of her, the young waka-sama turned on his heel and headed for his mother’s rooms in a huff. He walked silently through the palace halls and outer corridors to the women’s quarters, all the while his anger slowly building inside. By the time he had reached her rooms he had worked himself up into a rage and only the sight of his mother sitting forlornly on the wide veranda outside her room, looking out unseeingly at her garden, stopped him from erupting into a full-blown tantrum.
“Haha-ue…?”
“Hai…” the dog queen said softly as she turned to face her son.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m touching my soul to the sun,” she said cryptically. “Why?”
“You look so sad…”
“Hai. I am feeling sad, Sessho-chan, and that’s why I’m doing it. Touching my soul to the sun makes me feel happier.”
“Oh…”
“What’s wrong, my son?”
“Ummm… nothing…” Sesshomaru shrugged, giving her a miserable look. The smile his mother gave him in return made want to crawl onto her lap and tell her his troubles, yet he held back, unwilling to bother her with them.
“Are you sure?”
“Hai…”
The dog queen’s smile broadened. “Come; give your mother a hug.”
Sesshomaru nodded wordlessly and seconds later he threw his arms around her neck as he climbed onto his mother’s lap. Her warm embrace and soft sounds of comfort unleashed a torrent of tears as he poured out his troubles. When he subsided into hiccups, the dog queen sighed softly as she said, “I know…”
That memory quickly faded into a series of memories about Tsuki, ending with the memory of the time he had taken her maidenhead as he gave into temptation and disobeyed his parents’ wishes. He remembered his mother’s hurt and anger, only now understanding it to be frustration over the situation between her and his father, rather than rejection of himself. And though she had maintained an air of disapproval over Tsuki’s subsequent pregnancy, he realized with a start she was probably more pleased about it than she had let on. Ruefully Sesshomaru also realized his mother’s anger and indifference had more to do with Izayoi’s pregnancy and the impending arrival of the annoyance known as Inuyasha than any dashed marriage prospects as Sesshomaru had had more to bring to any possible union than his prospective bride would have.
Sesshomaru smiled and held Rin close as he could with the remaining upper half of his left arm, while he thought about the events that had brought them together. He gave a little snort of amusement when he realized that this was probably the first and only time in his life that he would not regret the loss of his lower left arm to his brother. For if he had not lost it, he never would have been so foolish as to go after his brother again in his anger over it and desire to best him, nor would he have been so blinded by said anger that he let his brother once again get the upper hand, something which nearly cost him his life. Still, Sesshomaru found he would do it all over again in a heartbeat, if it meant he would be able to wind up close enough to her village to linger there alone. Besides, he would never have been as helpless and bored as he was while he was recovering to talk to her or to allow her to lavish attention on him the way she did without feeling irritable and impatient.
More memories of his time together with Rin surfaced, and amongst his favorites, was her simple question of asking if he would always remember her when she was gone and the fear he felt when he actually did lose her to the hell master in his quest to learn more about the Meidou. That was the first time he had ever acknowledged to anyone, let alone himself, that Rin was precious to him, in fact very precious. It was also the moment he finally grew up and took on the responsibilities of a man, by taking seriously the need to watch over and protect her fully. With a start, Sesshomaru discovered that he had finally achieved his dream of becoming like his father, but it was in a way that he never would have imagined. Closing his eyes, he could see his father as he lay on his futon, slowly dying, and he could hear the sounds of Izayoi softly weeping as she sat off to the side with his mother who was much quieter in her grief…
Sesshomaru had knelt and waited patiently to see if his father had any idea he was there. Inutaisho had been mortally wounded by dragon Ryukotsusei, when the dog general had gone after him to avenge the insults to and physical harm the dragon had caused both women, and now he lay on his futon drifting in and out of consciousness as his life slowly ebbed away.
“Do you have anything to protect, Sessho-kun…? Something or someone who is more precious to you than anything else…?” Inutaisho rasped, breaking the silence that blanketed his room, and startling Sesshomaru out of his reverie, and opening his eyes, the dog general turned his head painfully towards his son’s presence.
“Iie… there is no one I need to protect, Chichi-ue,” Sesshomaru snapped.
“Not even the girl…?”
“Iie.” Sesshomaru shook his head as he tried to make sense of what his father was trying to tell him. “Tsuki is safe here, Chichi-ue…”
“If you say so…” Inutaisho murmured before falling silent again…
Sesshomaru sadly realized that that was not true at all and that Tsuki had been in grave danger and that in his foolishness he had lost her. Still, Sesshomaru knew from experience that what was lost was always found when one least expected it. It may not always be exactly what one really wanted at the time, but somehow it had a way of turning out to be exactly what one needed. And so the lost love was replaced with the one that was ultimately to become the one that was the most precious to him, because it was tinged with the very real fear that he could lose her at any given moment.
You’re right, Haha-ue, she is very good for me. And she’s someone I want to protect, Chichi-ue.
He smiled as his parents’ ghosts made their presence known again.
I’m proud of you, Sessho-kun; you’ve finally become a man.
Arigatou, Chichi-ue…
Sesshomaru sighed and looked over at Rin. She had stirred slightly in her sleep and moments later, she yawned and sat up.
“How long was I asleep?”
“Most of the afternoon.”
“Gomen nasai… You must have been terribly bored, Sesshomaru-sama. I’m sorry, I was just feeling so sleepy and I couldn’t help myself…”
“This Sesshomaru doesn’t mind. You needed to rest and you did.”
“I know, but I still feel badly about you sitting here with nothing to do…”
Sesshomaru gently cupped her cheek, and tilting her face up to look at him, he said, “This Sesshomaru spent the time touching his soul to the sun, so it wasn’t a waste of an afternoon.”
Rin gave him a funny look. “Touching your soul to the sun…?”
“Hai. It’s something this Sesshomaru’s mother taught him to do when he was a little pup.”
“Oh…”
Sesshomaru nodded, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. “You simply let your thoughts wander to anything else other than that which is upsetting you.”
“Gomen nasai…”
“This Sesshomaru was never upset with you, Rin. He was upset with himself and thinking about his parents helped.”
“I wish I could remember my parents…” she said softly.
“This Sesshomaru is sorry you can’t remember them.”
Rin smiled. “That’s alright, Sesshomaru-sama. You and Jaken-sama were wonderful parents.” She laughed. “I haven’t thought about them in years. But now, I wonder what they would say…” she trailed off sadly.
“Well, if it’s any consolation to you, this Sesshomaru’s parents approve of you.”
“They do?” She looked at him as if she did not believe him.
“Hai. And he hopes yours would approve of him as well…?”
“I think so… you’ve been very good to me, Sesshomaru-sama, so I don’t think they can complain.” Rin leaned forward and hugged him.
“That is good to hear.” They sat there in companionable silence as they held each other close. After several heartbeats he broke it. “Are you hungry? As hard as it is to keep the food down, you need to eat now that you are with pup.”
“Hai… I don’t feel as bad as I did earlier, but I think all I want is some rice.”
“Fine. This Sesshomaru’ll get you some water.”
He let go of her and as he did so, she said, “Stay. I made some onigiri this morning while I was waiting for you to wake up and I feel like eating that. Maybe later, if it stays down long enough, I’ll eat something else.”
“Fine…” he said softly as she snuggled back into his embrace.
You see, my son, touching your soul to the sun really helps, he heard his mother say.
You were right, Haha-ue. It really did help. Now I can face this without reservation.
I’m glad…
Me too, Haha-ue…
Author/Artist: kiraysha
Pairing: Sesshomaru, Older Rin
Fandom: Inuyasha
Theme: #4 Touching of the soul to the sun
Disclaimer: I don't won these two; Takahashi-sensei does! ;p
*WARNING* Spoilers for manga chapter 470 & 471
Happy reading!
Touching of the soul to the sun (caress #4)
By kira
For Saffykins…”huggles”
Author’s notes: This is a series of thirty plus caresses done for Live Journal’s 30 caresses community featuring Sesshomaru and an older Rin…
I have also decided to write one story, using each caress as a chapter title instead of thirty separate ones.
Sesshomaru had slept badly as he could hear the voice of his late father in his dreams gently mocking him about his predicament. Sighing softly, he opened his eyes as he shifted slightly without disturbing Rin, who was still asleep. The late afternoon sun warmed his face, reminding him of his mother and her palace in the sky. He longed to visit her again, but she too had passed on into the ne therworld and all he had left of his family was his half brother and his growing family.
But you still have the girl, my son… Sesshomaru smiled when his mother’s gentle tone replaced his father’s mocking one.
I know that, Haha-ue, he said wordlessly and she laughed softly in his head. And now it seems I will once again have someone else to look after…
Someone else to protect? Inutaisho chuckled.
Hai… Sesshomaru thought wryly. Having both parents talking to him in his head made him feel like a little pup again, and yet, instead of irritating him, Sesshomaru found it oddly comforting.
His mother sighed softly. He has turned out to be more like you than any of us would have expected, ne?
His father laughed in reply. I know and I find it very funny.
You would, he and his mother chorused as the ghost of a smile twitched Sesshomaru’s lips.
It’s no shame to make a pup with a woman you love, Sessho-kun, Inutaisho said.
Your father’s right, although it would be nice if you made her your mate, his mother added.
Ah, but he’s already done that, my dear, and therein lies his troubles.
Hai…Chichi-ue is right, I have somehow made Rin my mate… Sesshomaru grew pensive as he thought about it. Feelings of betrayal to Tsuki’s memory had surfaced again, leaving him confused and torn. But how is that possible?
I honestly don’t know, Sesshomaru, his father said seriously. Perhaps it has something to do with surviving her death, or maybe she never really was your mate.
Sesshomaru mentally shrugged. Perhaps…
She is a sweet girl and she has been good to you, Sessho-kun, the dog queen said softly. You know, I was very happy to hear it was she who had suggested you visit that last time…
I’m glad she did too, Haha-ue…
Hai? He had brief image of his mother quirking her eyebrow at him.
Gomen nasai, please forgive me for not visiting more often, Sesshomaru said contritely to the vision of his mother.
It’s alright, my son, you’ve had other more important things to deal with than your mother. I’m not angry, in fact I never was and I’m sorry if I had led you to believe otherwise…
The dog general laughed. What your mother means is she’s happy you followed your brother’s example and left flowers on her grave.
Sesshomaru squinted in the late afternoon sun as he ignored his discomfiture when the voices of his parents finally grew silent in his head. Sighing softly, he gave a silent prayer of thanks to the gods who caused Rin to snuggle up next to him on his left, and raising his right hand, he briefly rubbed his temples with his thumb and middle finger. Shading his eyes, he opened them wider and looked over at Rin’s sleeping form. She was peacefully asleep, a tiny smile gracing her lips. She looked so sweet and innocent, that he was pleased she was over her fears of his rejection. Not that he ever would reject her, for he knew damned well that it was just as much his fault she was with pup as hers. Still, he was saddened to think she thought that way about him, but then when he thought about it, he had never really given her any reason to believe otherwise.
Gomen nasai, Rin-chan… he said wordlessly as he reached over and gently caressed her check. Forgive me the foolishness of my youth as this Sesshomaru never meant to hurt you now with careless words said so long ago…
Sesshomaru found he felt better about her pregnancy now that he had what passed for his parents’ approval, even if it was only his hopes and fears doing the talking. As he absentmindedly stroked her cheek while Rin slept, Sesshomaru let his thoughts drift back to the time when he was a little pup and particular memory came to mind. The events in it had occurred shortly after Izayoi’s arrival and he remembered feeling angry over his father’s rejection and jealous of the attention the dog general was lavishing upon the human girl…
Sesshomaru stood there, stunned at the way his father so casually dismissed him in favor of spending time with his latest acquisition. The seven year old could not for the life of him figure out what was so great about her as she was just as dark in appearance as his foster father, Takahara, was, although he had to admit the girl was nicer to him than Takahara was. He found it puzzling that his father would rather spend time with the girl, who in Sesshomaru’s humble opinion smelled funny, than spend time with him or his mother. For Sesshomaru had noticed that his father was avoiding her just as much as he was limiting the precious time that he spent with his son. And that hurt.
Finding his pleas for another game of catch falling on deaf ears, although Sesshomaru noticed with some satisfaction that the girl was uncomfortable by Inutaisho’s rejection of his son in favor of her, the young waka-sama turned on his heel and headed for his mother’s rooms in a huff. He walked silently through the palace halls and outer corridors to the women’s quarters, all the while his anger slowly building inside. By the time he had reached her rooms he had worked himself up into a rage and only the sight of his mother sitting forlornly on the wide veranda outside her room, looking out unseeingly at her garden, stopped him from erupting into a full-blown tantrum.
“Haha-ue…?”
“Hai…” the dog queen said softly as she turned to face her son.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m touching my soul to the sun,” she said cryptically. “Why?”
“You look so sad…”
“Hai. I am feeling sad, Sessho-chan, and that’s why I’m doing it. Touching my soul to the sun makes me feel happier.”
“Oh…”
“What’s wrong, my son?”
“Ummm… nothing…” Sesshomaru shrugged, giving her a miserable look. The smile his mother gave him in return made want to crawl onto her lap and tell her his troubles, yet he held back, unwilling to bother her with them.
“Are you sure?”
“Hai…”
The dog queen’s smile broadened. “Come; give your mother a hug.”
Sesshomaru nodded wordlessly and seconds later he threw his arms around her neck as he climbed onto his mother’s lap. Her warm embrace and soft sounds of comfort unleashed a torrent of tears as he poured out his troubles. When he subsided into hiccups, the dog queen sighed softly as she said, “I know…”
That memory quickly faded into a series of memories about Tsuki, ending with the memory of the time he had taken her maidenhead as he gave into temptation and disobeyed his parents’ wishes. He remembered his mother’s hurt and anger, only now understanding it to be frustration over the situation between her and his father, rather than rejection of himself. And though she had maintained an air of disapproval over Tsuki’s subsequent pregnancy, he realized with a start she was probably more pleased about it than she had let on. Ruefully Sesshomaru also realized his mother’s anger and indifference had more to do with Izayoi’s pregnancy and the impending arrival of the annoyance known as Inuyasha than any dashed marriage prospects as Sesshomaru had had more to bring to any possible union than his prospective bride would have.
Sesshomaru smiled and held Rin close as he could with the remaining upper half of his left arm, while he thought about the events that had brought them together. He gave a little snort of amusement when he realized that this was probably the first and only time in his life that he would not regret the loss of his lower left arm to his brother. For if he had not lost it, he never would have been so foolish as to go after his brother again in his anger over it and desire to best him, nor would he have been so blinded by said anger that he let his brother once again get the upper hand, something which nearly cost him his life. Still, Sesshomaru found he would do it all over again in a heartbeat, if it meant he would be able to wind up close enough to her village to linger there alone. Besides, he would never have been as helpless and bored as he was while he was recovering to talk to her or to allow her to lavish attention on him the way she did without feeling irritable and impatient.
More memories of his time together with Rin surfaced, and amongst his favorites, was her simple question of asking if he would always remember her when she was gone and the fear he felt when he actually did lose her to the hell master in his quest to learn more about the Meidou. That was the first time he had ever acknowledged to anyone, let alone himself, that Rin was precious to him, in fact very precious. It was also the moment he finally grew up and took on the responsibilities of a man, by taking seriously the need to watch over and protect her fully. With a start, Sesshomaru discovered that he had finally achieved his dream of becoming like his father, but it was in a way that he never would have imagined. Closing his eyes, he could see his father as he lay on his futon, slowly dying, and he could hear the sounds of Izayoi softly weeping as she sat off to the side with his mother who was much quieter in her grief…
Sesshomaru had knelt and waited patiently to see if his father had any idea he was there. Inutaisho had been mortally wounded by dragon Ryukotsusei, when the dog general had gone after him to avenge the insults to and physical harm the dragon had caused both women, and now he lay on his futon drifting in and out of consciousness as his life slowly ebbed away.
“Do you have anything to protect, Sessho-kun…? Something or someone who is more precious to you than anything else…?” Inutaisho rasped, breaking the silence that blanketed his room, and startling Sesshomaru out of his reverie, and opening his eyes, the dog general turned his head painfully towards his son’s presence.
“Iie… there is no one I need to protect, Chichi-ue,” Sesshomaru snapped.
“Not even the girl…?”
“Iie.” Sesshomaru shook his head as he tried to make sense of what his father was trying to tell him. “Tsuki is safe here, Chichi-ue…”
“If you say so…” Inutaisho murmured before falling silent again…
Sesshomaru sadly realized that that was not true at all and that Tsuki had been in grave danger and that in his foolishness he had lost her. Still, Sesshomaru knew from experience that what was lost was always found when one least expected it. It may not always be exactly what one really wanted at the time, but somehow it had a way of turning out to be exactly what one needed. And so the lost love was replaced with the one that was ultimately to become the one that was the most precious to him, because it was tinged with the very real fear that he could lose her at any given moment.
You’re right, Haha-ue, she is very good for me. And she’s someone I want to protect, Chichi-ue.
He smiled as his parents’ ghosts made their presence known again.
I’m proud of you, Sessho-kun; you’ve finally become a man.
Arigatou, Chichi-ue…
Sesshomaru sighed and looked over at Rin. She had stirred slightly in her sleep and moments later, she yawned and sat up.
“How long was I asleep?”
“Most of the afternoon.”
“Gomen nasai… You must have been terribly bored, Sesshomaru-sama. I’m sorry, I was just feeling so sleepy and I couldn’t help myself…”
“This Sesshomaru doesn’t mind. You needed to rest and you did.”
“I know, but I still feel badly about you sitting here with nothing to do…”
Sesshomaru gently cupped her cheek, and tilting her face up to look at him, he said, “This Sesshomaru spent the time touching his soul to the sun, so it wasn’t a waste of an afternoon.”
Rin gave him a funny look. “Touching your soul to the sun…?”
“Hai. It’s something this Sesshomaru’s mother taught him to do when he was a little pup.”
“Oh…”
Sesshomaru nodded, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. “You simply let your thoughts wander to anything else other than that which is upsetting you.”
“Gomen nasai…”
“This Sesshomaru was never upset with you, Rin. He was upset with himself and thinking about his parents helped.”
“I wish I could remember my parents…” she said softly.
“This Sesshomaru is sorry you can’t remember them.”
Rin smiled. “That’s alright, Sesshomaru-sama. You and Jaken-sama were wonderful parents.” She laughed. “I haven’t thought about them in years. But now, I wonder what they would say…” she trailed off sadly.
“Well, if it’s any consolation to you, this Sesshomaru’s parents approve of you.”
“They do?” She looked at him as if she did not believe him.
“Hai. And he hopes yours would approve of him as well…?”
“I think so… you’ve been very good to me, Sesshomaru-sama, so I don’t think they can complain.” Rin leaned forward and hugged him.
“That is good to hear.” They sat there in companionable silence as they held each other close. After several heartbeats he broke it. “Are you hungry? As hard as it is to keep the food down, you need to eat now that you are with pup.”
“Hai… I don’t feel as bad as I did earlier, but I think all I want is some rice.”
“Fine. This Sesshomaru’ll get you some water.”
He let go of her and as he did so, she said, “Stay. I made some onigiri this morning while I was waiting for you to wake up and I feel like eating that. Maybe later, if it stays down long enough, I’ll eat something else.”
“Fine…” he said softly as she snuggled back into his embrace.
You see, my son, touching your soul to the sun really helps, he heard his mother say.
You were right, Haha-ue. It really did help. Now I can face this without reservation.
I’m glad…
Me too, Haha-ue…