I've been away for a while
I don't know where and I don't know why.
I've gotten to a point where things are starting to stop, where I'm starting to stop. I'm finding comfort in the nothingness. I don't care about school. I don't care about the future. And the days just keep ticking by.
Today I was told that I'm so depressed that I actually depressed the person I was talking to. I guess that's why I've been having fewer and fewer conversations.
I got the Garden State soundtrack for Christmas and a few days ago I opened it and put it on my Ipod and I listened to it in the process. It was the first time I had done this since I had to make myself stop listening to it. Then today Bug rented the movie and I almost couldn't watch it for fear of it bringing up bad memories and emotions and also the fear of the possibility of it not affecting me at all. I guess that's why I hadn't watched the movie or listened to the soundtrack in over a year. The fear of being fine, of being over this, because I don't want to be over it. I don't ever want there to be a period in my life when I'm no longer reminded of that time.
I've gotten to a point where things are starting to stop, where I'm starting to stop. I'm finding comfort in the nothingness. I don't care about school. I don't care about the future. And the days just keep ticking by.
Today I was told that I'm so depressed that I actually depressed the person I was talking to. I guess that's why I've been having fewer and fewer conversations.
I got the Garden State soundtrack for Christmas and a few days ago I opened it and put it on my Ipod and I listened to it in the process. It was the first time I had done this since I had to make myself stop listening to it. Then today Bug rented the movie and I almost couldn't watch it for fear of it bringing up bad memories and emotions and also the fear of the possibility of it not affecting me at all. I guess that's why I hadn't watched the movie or listened to the soundtrack in over a year. The fear of being fine, of being over this, because I don't want to be over it. I don't ever want there to be a period in my life when I'm no longer reminded of that time.