Children's Cautionary Fairy Cookbook.
mazeyminda = Author and cook
saint-monkey = Illustrator and cook
Very much still a work in progress, a "teaser" here before the cut, and more underneath the cut. Please enjoy!
Tooth Fairy Lollipops
Children are encouraged by the tooth fairies to loose teeth; the silly fairies pay kids several dollars per tooth these days, and children will almost invariably spend this money on candy. This will lead to further tooth decay, and another lost tooth, and then more money. It’s a vicious cycle, and if you are one of the many, many parents with this problem, the following recipe may be of help. Many children have been turned off from candy permanently due to this recipe, first recorded by a good mother from Massachusetts, Susan Cooper, in 1678. And even if your child doesn’t lose their taste for sweets from this, at least they won’t have a household tooth fairy to pay them for their rotted teeth.
To catch a tooth fairy, you need a real child’s tooth. They aren’t attracted to anything but the genuine article. Simply use the latest from your child, to attract the household tooth fair. Glue the tooth to a pillow and set whatever type of trap you like around it. I suggest covering the tooth with a tacky material, such as industrial strength double-sided tape, so that the fairy can’t get free once she (or he) attempts to grab the tooth.
• 1 tooth fairy, washed well
• 1 c. light brown sugar
• 1/3 c hot water
• 1/3 co corn syrup, preferably light
• 1/4 - 1 tsp. oil based flavor*
• lollipop stick
• aluminum foil
• candy thermometer
Before you begin, spread a large square of foil on a smooth surface.
Combine sugar, water, and corn syrup in a heavy saucepan. Cook on high heat, stirring with a wooden spoon until all the sugar has dissolved. Wash down the side of the pan with a pastry brush dipped in hot water. When sugar has dissolved, attach thermometer to side of pan. Be sure that the tip of the thermometer does no touch the side or bottom of the pan, but is immersed in the candy mixture.
Continue cooking, without stirring, until the mixture reaches 300 F. Remove from heat and let stand until all the bubbles have disappeared (about 2 minutes). Stir in flavoring and the fairy. Quickly pour the mix into a circle on the foil and insert the stick. Roll the stick once to coat in candy and make a batter hold on the lollipop. Let cool and harden, then wrap immediately in plastic wrap.
*Note: you must use oil-based candy flavor, available from any specialty cooking supply store or pastry supplier. Extracts will boil away and leave the lollipop flavorless.
About this book
“Fairy folk only live in households with children, though goodness knows why… The creatures seem intrinsically tied to children, following them, and even doing a wide variety of helpful tasks for children. Indeed, it is almost as if Nature has equipped the youth of the world with its very own cadre of servants.”
-Anna Hess, The Habits of Fairies
When I was a child, one of my chores was weeding and watering the household garden. Like many families, we had a few garden gnomes hanging around, but I wasn’t ever allowed to let them take over all the work. My parents wanted me to learn responsibility and how to care for plants, and I’m grateful for their attitude.
Still, many, many children left this particular job to their own garden gnomes. And because of this there are thousands, if not millions, of adults incapable of producing a garden or caring for the necessary household plants. For example, how many people don’t know how to grow rosemary to ward off Lilith spirits? Too many have resorted to purchasing expensive potted rosemary, sometimes several times a year. And that’s one of the easier plants to care for.
I only see the problem getting worse. In some households, children leave all their chores to fairies, and are completely incapable of doing even simple tasks. It goes against everything I know to be a parent’s responsibility - preparing a child for adulthood, when they will probably be without those useful sprites for at least a few years. If a child refuses to learn, using the excuse that “the fairies will do it,” (an excuse I have heard more times than I can count), then I believe it is up to parents to get rid of the household fairies.
In the interest of economy, I have found uses for many household sprites and fairies, collecting old recipes and creating some new ones. After all, why waste the meat? Plus, it teaches children that there are consequences, sometimes dire ones, to their actions. I doubt a child who previously refused to clean their room because “the elves will do it” will hesitate to tidy up after a dinner of “Elf with Orange Glaze.”
Consider these recipes as possible cautionary lessons for your own children, and bon appetite!
Tinkers’ Belle Wellington
There are very few tinkers left in business, since so many household items are made cheaply these days and it’s easy to simply replace anything broken. But the vast hordes of tinkers’ belles, the fairies that helped those industrious men much like shoemaker’s elves, still exist. Now a days, for lack of work at proper shops, these pixies resort to fixing broken children’s toys.
Many parents have complained that their children rely on the help from the tinkers’ belles, and don’t learn how to take care of their possessions. Since it’s a parent’s job to teach a kid responsibility, it only makes sense that to do that, you have to rid your home of whatever tinkers’ belles you have living in the attic.
Since they are hard-working creatures, they are mostly dark meat and need a long cooking time. I’ve found that this twist on a traditional recipe is a perfect fit.
• 6 tinkers’ belles, washed, split, and de-boned
• Salt and pepper
• 12 cloves garlic, roasted*
• 3. oz. mushrooms, sliced thin
• scallions, sliced thin
• 12 oz. block puff pastry, thawed
• 1 egg, beaten
Preheat oven to 400 F.
Roll out the puff pastry on a floured surface, pressing out any seams, to be a rectangle large enough to enclose the meat. Spread the garlic gloves, which should be soft, over the pastry in a strip on one side. Arrange the fairies in a line over the garlic paste. Sprinkle the meat with salt and pepper, then cover with the sliced mushrooms and scallions.
Brush the edges of the pastry with the egg. Fold the pastry to completely enclose the fairies, brushing all edges with the egg and folding in the edges to seal. Place on an oiled baking sheet, with the seams underneath. Cut a few slits in the pastry and brush with the remaining egg.
Bake for 30 minutes for rare or 45 minutes for medium. It’s not recommended to cook this above medium. Let the Wellington sit for at least ten minutes before slicing.
*Note: to roast garlic cloves, peel the cloves and toss with olive oil. Wrap loosely in aluminum foil and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
Pixie Dust Crackers
Pixie dust can be used as a spice, and tastes like something between cardamom and cinnamon. The flavor goes very well with apples, pears, and citrus. You might not fly after eating these crackers, but they will certainly lift your spirits!
• 3 pixies, alive and clean
• 2 c. all-purpose flour
• heavy pinch salt (if using unsalted butter, increase to 1 1/2 t. salt)
• ground black pepper to taste
• zest of one lemon
• 1 stick (8 T.) butter, cubed and chilled in the refrigerator
• 1/3 c. apple juice
Preheat oven to 375 F.
Carefully shake the pixies over a bowl, collecting all of the glittering dust that they shed. You should get a couple tablespoons’ worth of pixie dust.
Combine the pixie dust, flour, salt, pepper, and lemon zest in a food processor. Pulse a few times to mix well. Add the butter and pulse until well integrated. Add the apple juice and pulse until the mixture comes together as a dough.
Pat dough down in a baking sheet, trying to keep the thickness as even as possible. Score the crackers with a pizza cutter to make bite size squares, and then pick all over with a fork.
Bake for 20 minutes or until light golden in color. Remove from baking sheet and let cool on a rack.
Salted Garden Gnomes with Green Sauce
Garden gnomes are hardly a meat - they taste almost like a potato, and in fact can replace potatoes in many recipes. This is a fantastic appetizer, and can be paired with a wide variety of dipping sauces. Try a cheddar cheese sauce or using these in a fondue.
• 12 small garden gnomes, washed
• 3 cups water
• 1/2 c. kosher salt
• 4 cloves garlic, peeled
• 1/2 onion, sliced
• 1/4 c. olive oil + 1 T olive oil
• 1 c. chopped fresh parsley
• pepper
• red pepper flakes
Preheat oven to 325 F.
Combine the gnomes, water, and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a simmer and cook 10-14 minutes, until the gnomes are tender when pricked with a toothpick. Pour off most of the water and lower the heat. Watch the pot closely, making sure that nothing burns, and roll the gnomes occasionally. Cook until the water boils away. The gnomes will have a nice crust of salt on them. Set aside and let them cool.
To make the green sauce, toss the garlic and onion with 1 T olive oil, and wrap the mixture in aluminum foil, sealing tight. Bake for 20 minutes. Transfer the roasted vegetables to a blender, and add remaining olive oil. Blend until nearly smooth. Add the parsley and pepper, and blend until well integrated. Transfer to bowl and stir in red pepper flakes.
When the gnomes are cool, rub most, but not all, of the salt off of them. Serve with the green sauce as a dipping sauce.
Essay on wild fairies
My primary reason for collecting and creating these recipes was to find a use for the household fairies you might want to get rid of, especially if they are limiting you children’s development. However, many people prefer the flavors and textures of wild fairies. They can certainly be used in these recipes as substitutes for their domestic cousins. The following chart will help you determine the best substitutes:
Domestic Fairy Wild Fairy
Garden Gnome Mushroom or Pine Gnomes
Tooth Fairies Flower Fairies for Edible Plants, such as Violets or Nasturtium
Pixies Starlight Fairies (Note: these have become very rare in recent years)
Helper Fairies, such as Tinkers’ Belles or Shoemakers’ Elves Dew and Frost Fairies
Garden Vegetable Fairies Berry Fairies
Dream Fairies No substitute
Domestic Elves Wild Elves
Many wild fairies have similar interests as their cousins. Set your trap well, with all the nets and trips wires hidden, and it’s quite easy to catch them. A ‘lost’ kid in the woods will attract them, but if you don’t have a child actor on hand, or one willing to participate, you’re better off using props. Children’s toys, hair ribbons, or clothing will all work as bait.
Nets should be tightly woven, with gaps no more than an inch wide, and are best when made out of a fine, pale material. These can be purchased from a number of suppliers, or even a good restaurant supply store these days. Or, search about your local farmers’ market. There are often wild fairy foragers selling there, saving you the trouble of going out to the woods and hunting yourself.
saint-monkey = Illustrator and cook
Very much still a work in progress, a "teaser" here before the cut, and more underneath the cut. Please enjoy!
Tooth Fairy Lollipops
Children are encouraged by the tooth fairies to loose teeth; the silly fairies pay kids several dollars per tooth these days, and children will almost invariably spend this money on candy. This will lead to further tooth decay, and another lost tooth, and then more money. It’s a vicious cycle, and if you are one of the many, many parents with this problem, the following recipe may be of help. Many children have been turned off from candy permanently due to this recipe, first recorded by a good mother from Massachusetts, Susan Cooper, in 1678. And even if your child doesn’t lose their taste for sweets from this, at least they won’t have a household tooth fairy to pay them for their rotted teeth.
To catch a tooth fairy, you need a real child’s tooth. They aren’t attracted to anything but the genuine article. Simply use the latest from your child, to attract the household tooth fair. Glue the tooth to a pillow and set whatever type of trap you like around it. I suggest covering the tooth with a tacky material, such as industrial strength double-sided tape, so that the fairy can’t get free once she (or he) attempts to grab the tooth.
• 1 tooth fairy, washed well
• 1 c. light brown sugar
• 1/3 c hot water
• 1/3 co corn syrup, preferably light
• 1/4 - 1 tsp. oil based flavor*
• lollipop stick
• aluminum foil
• candy thermometer
Before you begin, spread a large square of foil on a smooth surface.
Combine sugar, water, and corn syrup in a heavy saucepan. Cook on high heat, stirring with a wooden spoon until all the sugar has dissolved. Wash down the side of the pan with a pastry brush dipped in hot water. When sugar has dissolved, attach thermometer to side of pan. Be sure that the tip of the thermometer does no touch the side or bottom of the pan, but is immersed in the candy mixture.
Continue cooking, without stirring, until the mixture reaches 300 F. Remove from heat and let stand until all the bubbles have disappeared (about 2 minutes). Stir in flavoring and the fairy. Quickly pour the mix into a circle on the foil and insert the stick. Roll the stick once to coat in candy and make a batter hold on the lollipop. Let cool and harden, then wrap immediately in plastic wrap.
*Note: you must use oil-based candy flavor, available from any specialty cooking supply store or pastry supplier. Extracts will boil away and leave the lollipop flavorless.
About this book
“Fairy folk only live in households with children, though goodness knows why… The creatures seem intrinsically tied to children, following them, and even doing a wide variety of helpful tasks for children. Indeed, it is almost as if Nature has equipped the youth of the world with its very own cadre of servants.”
-Anna Hess, The Habits of Fairies
When I was a child, one of my chores was weeding and watering the household garden. Like many families, we had a few garden gnomes hanging around, but I wasn’t ever allowed to let them take over all the work. My parents wanted me to learn responsibility and how to care for plants, and I’m grateful for their attitude.
Still, many, many children left this particular job to their own garden gnomes. And because of this there are thousands, if not millions, of adults incapable of producing a garden or caring for the necessary household plants. For example, how many people don’t know how to grow rosemary to ward off Lilith spirits? Too many have resorted to purchasing expensive potted rosemary, sometimes several times a year. And that’s one of the easier plants to care for.
I only see the problem getting worse. In some households, children leave all their chores to fairies, and are completely incapable of doing even simple tasks. It goes against everything I know to be a parent’s responsibility - preparing a child for adulthood, when they will probably be without those useful sprites for at least a few years. If a child refuses to learn, using the excuse that “the fairies will do it,” (an excuse I have heard more times than I can count), then I believe it is up to parents to get rid of the household fairies.
In the interest of economy, I have found uses for many household sprites and fairies, collecting old recipes and creating some new ones. After all, why waste the meat? Plus, it teaches children that there are consequences, sometimes dire ones, to their actions. I doubt a child who previously refused to clean their room because “the elves will do it” will hesitate to tidy up after a dinner of “Elf with Orange Glaze.”
Consider these recipes as possible cautionary lessons for your own children, and bon appetite!
Tinkers’ Belle Wellington
There are very few tinkers left in business, since so many household items are made cheaply these days and it’s easy to simply replace anything broken. But the vast hordes of tinkers’ belles, the fairies that helped those industrious men much like shoemaker’s elves, still exist. Now a days, for lack of work at proper shops, these pixies resort to fixing broken children’s toys.
Many parents have complained that their children rely on the help from the tinkers’ belles, and don’t learn how to take care of their possessions. Since it’s a parent’s job to teach a kid responsibility, it only makes sense that to do that, you have to rid your home of whatever tinkers’ belles you have living in the attic.
Since they are hard-working creatures, they are mostly dark meat and need a long cooking time. I’ve found that this twist on a traditional recipe is a perfect fit.
• 6 tinkers’ belles, washed, split, and de-boned
• Salt and pepper
• 12 cloves garlic, roasted*
• 3. oz. mushrooms, sliced thin
• scallions, sliced thin
• 12 oz. block puff pastry, thawed
• 1 egg, beaten
Preheat oven to 400 F.
Roll out the puff pastry on a floured surface, pressing out any seams, to be a rectangle large enough to enclose the meat. Spread the garlic gloves, which should be soft, over the pastry in a strip on one side. Arrange the fairies in a line over the garlic paste. Sprinkle the meat with salt and pepper, then cover with the sliced mushrooms and scallions.
Brush the edges of the pastry with the egg. Fold the pastry to completely enclose the fairies, brushing all edges with the egg and folding in the edges to seal. Place on an oiled baking sheet, with the seams underneath. Cut a few slits in the pastry and brush with the remaining egg.
Bake for 30 minutes for rare or 45 minutes for medium. It’s not recommended to cook this above medium. Let the Wellington sit for at least ten minutes before slicing.
*Note: to roast garlic cloves, peel the cloves and toss with olive oil. Wrap loosely in aluminum foil and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes.
Pixie Dust Crackers
Pixie dust can be used as a spice, and tastes like something between cardamom and cinnamon. The flavor goes very well with apples, pears, and citrus. You might not fly after eating these crackers, but they will certainly lift your spirits!
• 3 pixies, alive and clean
• 2 c. all-purpose flour
• heavy pinch salt (if using unsalted butter, increase to 1 1/2 t. salt)
• ground black pepper to taste
• zest of one lemon
• 1 stick (8 T.) butter, cubed and chilled in the refrigerator
• 1/3 c. apple juice
Preheat oven to 375 F.
Carefully shake the pixies over a bowl, collecting all of the glittering dust that they shed. You should get a couple tablespoons’ worth of pixie dust.
Combine the pixie dust, flour, salt, pepper, and lemon zest in a food processor. Pulse a few times to mix well. Add the butter and pulse until well integrated. Add the apple juice and pulse until the mixture comes together as a dough.
Pat dough down in a baking sheet, trying to keep the thickness as even as possible. Score the crackers with a pizza cutter to make bite size squares, and then pick all over with a fork.
Bake for 20 minutes or until light golden in color. Remove from baking sheet and let cool on a rack.
Salted Garden Gnomes with Green Sauce
Garden gnomes are hardly a meat - they taste almost like a potato, and in fact can replace potatoes in many recipes. This is a fantastic appetizer, and can be paired with a wide variety of dipping sauces. Try a cheddar cheese sauce or using these in a fondue.
• 12 small garden gnomes, washed
• 3 cups water
• 1/2 c. kosher salt
• 4 cloves garlic, peeled
• 1/2 onion, sliced
• 1/4 c. olive oil + 1 T olive oil
• 1 c. chopped fresh parsley
• pepper
• red pepper flakes
Preheat oven to 325 F.
Combine the gnomes, water, and salt in a saucepan. Bring to a simmer and cook 10-14 minutes, until the gnomes are tender when pricked with a toothpick. Pour off most of the water and lower the heat. Watch the pot closely, making sure that nothing burns, and roll the gnomes occasionally. Cook until the water boils away. The gnomes will have a nice crust of salt on them. Set aside and let them cool.
To make the green sauce, toss the garlic and onion with 1 T olive oil, and wrap the mixture in aluminum foil, sealing tight. Bake for 20 minutes. Transfer the roasted vegetables to a blender, and add remaining olive oil. Blend until nearly smooth. Add the parsley and pepper, and blend until well integrated. Transfer to bowl and stir in red pepper flakes.
When the gnomes are cool, rub most, but not all, of the salt off of them. Serve with the green sauce as a dipping sauce.
Essay on wild fairies
My primary reason for collecting and creating these recipes was to find a use for the household fairies you might want to get rid of, especially if they are limiting you children’s development. However, many people prefer the flavors and textures of wild fairies. They can certainly be used in these recipes as substitutes for their domestic cousins. The following chart will help you determine the best substitutes:
Domestic Fairy Wild Fairy
Garden Gnome Mushroom or Pine Gnomes
Tooth Fairies Flower Fairies for Edible Plants, such as Violets or Nasturtium
Pixies Starlight Fairies (Note: these have become very rare in recent years)
Helper Fairies, such as Tinkers’ Belles or Shoemakers’ Elves Dew and Frost Fairies
Garden Vegetable Fairies Berry Fairies
Dream Fairies No substitute
Domestic Elves Wild Elves
Many wild fairies have similar interests as their cousins. Set your trap well, with all the nets and trips wires hidden, and it’s quite easy to catch them. A ‘lost’ kid in the woods will attract them, but if you don’t have a child actor on hand, or one willing to participate, you’re better off using props. Children’s toys, hair ribbons, or clothing will all work as bait.
Nets should be tightly woven, with gaps no more than an inch wide, and are best when made out of a fine, pale material. These can be purchased from a number of suppliers, or even a good restaurant supply store these days. Or, search about your local farmers’ market. There are often wild fairy foragers selling there, saving you the trouble of going out to the woods and hunting yourself.